Arrghh! I accidently opened the door to Jehovah Witnesses!

[Blue Diadem]

I was expecting someone from the local Dem headquarters who is dropping off signs today so I didn't look when my doorbell rang.

:banghead:

Cripes, I had no idea the Jehovah Witnesses are preaching end times now.

[UndertheOcean]

1. You know that Monty Python sqit where the sexy lady collects milkmen in her attic

you can try that

[hobbit709]

2. Tell them they're just in time for the sacrificial rites.

They'll leave so fast there'll be a sonic boom

[Blue Diadem]

4. I couldn't believe the elderly woman was dragging her poor husband around with her.

He scared me at first, he was standing behind the door as I opened it. He's a rather large man with vacant eyes who was looking at me but like he wasn't really seeing me. She told me he has alzheimers.

She probably thought I was the loon. I don't react well to organized religion from having too many bad experiences in the fundie churches. I'm still trying to calm myself down, I came close to a panic attack.

[Schema Thing]

3. Their entire raison d'etre is end times

[Blue Diadem]

7. It's been quite a few years since I'd last talked to one.

This was all about what's happening now and what's going to happen REAL soon. Sounded almost like the end-time churches I was forced to go to growing up.

[Schema Thing]

11. I used to be one

yes, when things get ugly in the world, JW's get an extra dose of a weird blend of fear and lust for Jehovah to bring on Armageddon.

JW's are a dangerous religion, but mostly only for their adherents; they are committed to being apolitical (it's how they understand "be no part of the world"), so they mostly just sit on the sidelines of world affairs and chant "see, God has to end this, real soon").


It's funny you said "REAL soon", because we in the "apostate" (that's what they call us dissenters to dehumanize us so none of their own will listen or even talk to us) community have a running joke about "Real Soon Now". As in "I never thought I'd finish high-school, because armageddon was coming RSN". Like I said, it's their raison d'etre; almost no one would put themselves through the misery of being a Jehovah's Witness if there wasn't a sword of damocles in the form of a wrathful Jehovah ending the world for everyone but Jehovah's Witnesses, RealSoonNow.

[Blue Diadem]

17. That's very similar to the fundie church

where my Mother sent me. Only the members of the church would be saved and they would be sheltered in the wilderness during the end times. Everything was urgent and very dramatic with them.

Your first paragraph explains the difference I saw between prior dealings with JW's and this one. "Extra weird blend of fear and lust for Armageddon" is exactly right.

[sakabatou]

5. Try to convert them to JENOVA'S Witnessess

[Chan790]

15. Jenova creeped me out...

when I was playing FF VII. Not nightmares or anything...but between her and her vile offspring Sephiroth...there have been few characters in video game history more brutal or evil. It's strange...it went over so many people's heads but that entire game was about environmentalism, corporatist fascism and genocide. Not merely one of my favorite stories (the story is better than the game. It would have been a good novel.) but arguably one of the better political statements ever made by a mass-market video game.

[sakabatou]

24. At least there are good skits from it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ-enWOCQxo

[NJmaverick]

6. I think House had the perfect answer

it was roughly

"selling religion? No thank you, I just bought some Buddism yesterday."

[Blue Diadem]

8. I love House!

I'll have to remember that one.

[CreekDog]

9. sing them Happy Birthday

:hide:

[frogmarch]

10. Well, at least JWs stay out of politics. That is,

according my JW next-door neighbor. She said that JWs believe that God should run things, not people. However, she also said that she can't help but hear on TV some of what's going on in politics, and she can't help but hope the Democratic side wins the election, even though people shouldn't try to take God's authority from him. :-)

[Schema Thing]

12. Heh, that's funny

But what she told you, she'd never say in front of one of the "elders" or "ministerial servants" of her congregation for fear of repercussions.

[SidneyCarton]

13. Tell them you're a Mormon...

I kid you not, they will leave so fast you'd think Satan had answered the door himself.

[gmoney]

14. "I didn't know there'd been an accident!" (n/t)

[Greyskye]

16. I'm not religious, but I have no problems with the door-to-door types

I simply smile when I see who it is, and say "I'm sorry, we're just not interested. Have a nice day!" and gently close the door on them.

They get the message that I don't want to talk to them, and they don't feel like I'm beating up on them. The world already sucks enough - it doesn't need any additional negativity dumped into the mix. :hi:

[Roon]

18. A couple of Christmases ago my door bell rang in the morning

I was like,"Who the fuck would be ringing my door on Christmas morning?" Turns out it was the JW. I was nice to them, but I explained I was headed to my Mother's house and couldn't talk.

[Forkboy]

19. I usually like talking to them.

I have fun with it. Play some black metal in the background, wearing a shirt with a bloody goat head on it or something. They always think they're saving me right there on the spot. I've even recorded them without them knowing so we can sample them in songs. :evilgrin:

And to be honest, while I certainly don't agree with their religion (or anyone else's for that matter) they are pretty nice people, so I can't bring myself to be too mean to them.

[Schema Thing]

21. lol @ recording them

but believe me, no Jehovahs Witness ever imagines they are saving you right there on the spot. That is 180 degrees from anything JWs believe. You have to submit fully to the bible study/love bombing indoctrination to be anything like "saved"... and I put saved in quotations because Witnesses are pretty hardass; as a Witness, you're constantly reminded that your own salvation is pretty up in the air.... you better get out there and knock on doors!


They do however believe that god is using them to "separate the sheep from the goats" in their door-to-door work. Guess you'd go down under "friendly goat". Maybe your death at Armaggedon will be less painful? Nobody (except JWs) gets out alive.:evilgrin:

[Forkboy]

22. "freindly goat"

:rofl:

I can live with that. :)

[jobycom]

23. Ha!

Sample them! You might mention that. "You mind if I sample you?" Wear a Jeffrey Dahmer tee shirt, of course.

I like your attitude. The ones I've met are nice, too. No reason to be mean.

[tigereye]

20. I usually tell em I'm a secular humanist and they just look confused...

:evilgrin:

[LanternWaste]

25. Lately, I'm of the mind that...

Lately, I'm of the mind that I'd much rather have a religious canvasser come to my door than a political canvasser-- although in the end, they both have the same mind set: "my way, or damnation"...

[ChickMagic]

26. I opened the door to a couple of those

I decided to argue. I needed a good argument. The guy was doing all the talking and every time I made a point, his wife would raise her eyebrow and look at him. I didn't know what to make of that. He was terribly confused about how I could be an atheist and know the bible so well.