Anybody got a beekeeper's suit I can borrow? I promise it's not a SEX THREAD.

[Jamastiene]

I need to finish mowing the triffids. I don't have a fucking lawn. I have triffids, everywhere. In two weeks time, they grow up to 6 feet tall. They tower over me, dare me to fight them and laugh at me and my little weed eater and lawnmower. God help me if it rains. The vines alone would grow around my neck at night and choke me if I didn't sleep with a hatchet by the bed, literally. I shit you not. I sleep with a hatchet by the bed

...and a pilot knife that looks EXACTLY like this one:


Before gas got so expensive, I enjoyed scenic country driving a lot. One night, I went driving at night (destination: the river, to see deer and other critters I enjoy watching, because I'm just THAT MUCH of a pev, :P ). It was around 1:00 a.m. when I came home. The next morning at 10:00 a.m., there was a wysteria growing around and around my driver's side mirror. It had made about 3 complete circles around the mirror and was aiming for the antenna. I shit you not.

Everything in my yard stings, bites, and says really dirty words to me. Everything, that is, except the anoles (Dammit, spellchecker, shut up. It's a freaking brand of lizard, also known as Polychrotidae. Dammit, that's spelled right too. Both words are spelled right, already, now hush) and the cats and dogs.

I have bees galore too. There are honey bees, wasps, hornets, and lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Right now, you cannot set foot in my yard without getting stung. They are very territorial. So, all those bees and wasps disappearing from all over the damn place, I found them for you. You can rest easy. They have taken over my yard and don't intend to go down without a fight. They mock your global warming and other ecological terrorism. They have adapted and taken refuge with the crazy lady with all the cats and abandoned baseballs, that the kids couldn't even triple dog dare each other to go retrieve from my yard. If the bees don't sting them, they will have to deal with the likes of me. GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN, BRATS! I can co-exist with them (the bees, not the kids), normally*, except I need to clean up the yard.

Anybody got a beekeeper's suit I can borrow for fighting back my triffids one last time while overwintering?

God, I'm in a pissy mood this morning. Maybe, I should go hang out with the hornets and make friends. x(



*I get a sting or two every time I get in the car to go somewhere. Thankfully, that is not often.

[Jamastiene]

1. Ok, it IS a sex thread,

if that is what it will take to get someone to reply to it. x(


























:P

[mainegreen]

2. Triffids make terrible pets.

They're smarter than they look.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. ooooo....

wysteria... ;) If I had one, it would be yours.

[sarge43]

4. The spousal unit is done with his for the season

Helmet and gloves included

If by triffids you mean mullein, try pulling them out by the roots. Cutting just encouraging them.

So, the moles and squirrels join forces with the other critters yet? They will, you know.

[rug]

5. Sea water.

[Parche]

6. Boo Bees?