You know who you are

[dem629]

(I'm posting this great column b/c of my experiences in public this morning.)

You know who you are
BY DAVE BARRY

OK, here are the rules:

1. If there's a line, you get at the end of the line, and you wait your turn.

2. You own ONE place in the line. You do NOT have the right to invite friends to join you in the line. This is rude to the people behind you, who got there before your friends, and will now have to wait longer. If you want to be with your friends, you can join them at the back of the line. And, no, it's not enough to ask the person immediately behind you if it's OK for your friends to butt in. This person does not speak for the entire line. Also this person pretty much has to say yes, but only because he or she, being less rude than you, wants to avoid confrontation.

EXCEPTION: You may invite an immediate family member such as your spouse or child to join you in the line. There are no other exceptions.

EXCEPTION: Halle Berry.

3. If you're one of those people who go directly to the front of the line and either pretend you don't see the line, or act as though you some-how KNOW that your situation is more urgent than that of anybody else waiting, and somebody in line objects, and you make some vague apology but remain at the front of the line, you will rot in hell. Also the cashier will hate you, although generally he or she will say nothing, as cashiers don't get paid enough to argue with jerks.

4. If you're in a supermarket checkout line, and you realize that you forgot an item, you're allowed to go get it, provided that (1) you apologize to the people behind you, (2) you know exactly where the item is and (3) you hurry. If you forgot TWO items, take your cart out of line. You are NOT allowed to leave your cart blocking the line while you wander the aisles trying to recall the ingredients for Beef Tongue Flambeau.

NOTE: Before you serve beef tongue to innocent people, you should think about the kinds of things that cows lick.

Read the rest of The Rules here:
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave-barry/story/696405.html

[DarkTirade]

1. Okay, the last one...

ewwww.