Couldn't sleep so I'm thinking about beginning a religion

[Inchworm]

I think I could do radio, but I'd really like to do some sort of infommercial.

That's where the money is.

I just need a cause. Hunger seems to be a gimme.

My pitch could be..

sad, slow, deep, southern, and mystically complete

Aren't The Muses gods? Was there a god with a nymph following?

"Ladies, gentlemen I tell you now that I'm here to bring you a message. It is not a message that is new, but one that has layed dormant inside your soul for years. Drink with me. Imbibe.

Every soul is hungry to feel this message. Don't sit on the sidelines (current football reference) wondering if you will be blessed. Get the Nymphs on your side. Drink with me. Imbibe.

If you cannot reach the message, do it for the ones you love. Call this number and feel again. Know your family. Love yourself. Drink with me. Imbibe.

I'm gonna need a church name and a bunch of nymphos to get this idea off the ground and into the clouds or vice versa.

:dilemma:

[Jamastiene]

1. I have always wanted to start a church (and a wilderness commune)

based on love for wild animals and call it Lamb of God Ministries. We would all live like Hedonists and rehabilitate wild animals and set them free in the wilderness. :atearcomestomyeye: That would be so sweet. *sigh*

[Inchworm]

2. You'd need backing money for that

to buy up hella land.

By hedonist... you mean be good without hurting stuffs? Isn't that the concept?

:D

[Jamastiene]

3. By Hedonist, I mean just really carefree and happy.

In between taking care of the animals, we could plant flowers and veggies and sunbathe. :P

[fNord]

16. I had a friend who started "The Church of conscientious Hedonism"....

I cant really explain ti, any more than he was really adamant about the affairs of the world and even worked to fix that which he saw as injustice or idiocy, but vowed never to let that get in the way of him feeling as good as possible at all times, or something like that.

[Inchworm]

17. For some reason that's how I remember the idea

The most happy with the less harm.

I'll look it up before this church gets off the ground :D

:hi:

[Cabcere]

28. That sounds pretty cool, actually.

Although I have to admit that when I think of Hedonism, I can't help associating it with:



:P

[fizzgig]

44. well played

:D

[Cabcere]

47. Thank you, thank you.

*bows* :P I got my little brother "The Beast With A Billion Backs" for Christmas (or should I say Xmas?), and we watched it together several times. Good times, good times. :hi:

How have you been lately? I feel like I haven't been keeping up with the DU much. :(

[RandomThoughts]

4. I was tempted to take the cult path

But cult leaders are really just insecure egomaniacs that seem to take advantage of others.

The compound and long talks about 'stuff' would be cool, but the idea of anyone thinking one person has better ideas then others is a bit wrong. Anything can inspire thought, and trying or wanting to think for someone else, is as bad as letting someone think for you.

So I would disrespect the followers of a cult, even if it was mine. But thinking about it, I guess thats true with all cults, probably an evil thing. Don't know. Maybe thats why idea sounds bad to me.

Plus theres the issue that I have no followers, nor believe I should have any, that would be a problem too.

But it is about rejecting the temptation, not figuring why.

But to say again, a big compound, no doors(the little beads on strings instead would be really cool), people walking around being happy, barbecues, swimming pools, lots of happy thoughts, that would be cool.

But would not be real if people did not also think, and it seems many cults do not have alot of thinking people in them. If they were thinking they would leave the cult.

[Inchworm]

9. Trying to stay away from the whole cult thing

and somehow snag at purses through infomercials.

Wasn't even planning on having much more than a studio of rompage.

:P

[coyotespaw]

5. Watch Postal, pay attention to Uncle Dave,

and cut Uwe Boll a check...

[Inchworm]

10. I'll add it to my Netflix

:)

[krispos42]

6. Are there bells?

Do we get to ring bells six times a day?

'Cuz I'd be really good at that. I have a watch that works, so I can like ring the bells at the right times to call the faithful to prayer.


Oh, and can we be tonsured? Pretty please? Tonsuring is COOL!!!11!1!


And phallic hats... can we have phallic hats?



And, um, can we not have too much kneeling or other forms of submission> That's just kind of awkward and painful.



Oh! And can we have karoke hymns? I think that would be far more effective than a hymnal.


And can the communion wafer be a Thin Mint????

[Inchworm]

12. You can be the choreographer for the TV spots

Other than that I don't want it to be TOO real.. yanno, with the bells and all :D

:hi:

[krispos42]

18. Cool!

I'll carry a few Master locks in a shoulder bag and throw them at problem actors!


"Locking - get your damn finger out of your nose!" *zip-thud*

"Locking - stop staring at the damn camera!" *zip-thud*

"Locking - your OTHER left!" *zip-thud*

[Inchworm]

20. LoL

:rofl:

I'm not sure at how the sensors will take my original idea for costumes. I hope someone steps up to the wardrobe job :D

:P

[krispos42]

38. That's pretty easy

Loincloths or cassocks, to be determinded by the television faithful.

We'll have call-in voting, like in American Idol. We'll have some all-gender talent competitions: singing, dancing, literature recitals, political debate, housecleaning, carburater-rebuilding, exteme cooking, fashion emergency, and juggling.

It'll be grand!




(no animal acts)

[hobbit709]

7. The First Church Of The Gooey Death.

And Imus stole it from Ed Sanders and The Fugs

[Inchworm]

13. You are in charge of coming up with a catchy name

It must sell.

:hi:

[BarenakedLady]

8. Count me in!

I always wanted to be a Nymph.

:)

[Inchworm]

14. You can be head nymph

All things need coordinated.

Depending on the time the infomercials air, we may put you on the payroll since you are job hunting :)

:hi:

[RushIsRot]

11. Say hello to the Rev. Mudge.

I founded the First Church of ROTFL.

I didn't do it alone. There were space aliens involved along with our symbolic icons of pink plastic flamingos and bowling balls.

It's a great business.

Rev. Mudge

[Inchworm]

15. Crap! This is an old idea?

:rofl:

[RushIsRot]

49. I started mine in 1992, so it's that old, at least.

Go ahead. There's plenty of room for another. The more original you are, the more money you'll rake in.
:evilgrin:

[graywarrior]

19. A pet religeon.

Little prayer beads for cats, Jesus bones for dogs. Pet Heaven donations. Canonized cats, dogs, horses, gold fish...whatever....Saint Rover, Saint Fluffy, etc. Novena's, the Anima Christi, Pet hymns...it's a bottomless money pit!

[Inchworm]

21. Hmmm..

You may be on to something here. This MAY be the message that has been hidden in people's hearts all along!

:yourock:

[graywarrior]

22. Just think...scapular dog tags

I want to be your partner.

[Inchworm]

23. We have to either convince the masses one of two things

All humans aspire to be animal in their next try

or

Animals are in control and need to be praised

:dilemma:

[graywarrior]

24. The "masses"! *snort*

We can create catholic mass cards for pets. I don't think we have to convince anyone about anything. People will just want religious stuff for their pets because they're available. We could include all religions. OMG, we're gonna be rich!

[Inchworm]

25. You are DEFINITELY in charge of

merchandising! :rofl:

Inter-denominational! Love it!

It plays to the hunger AND the will.

:woohoo:

[graywarrior]

26. Seriously....

we need to talk before someone steals our idea. We could have religious icon dog and cat food!

[Inchworm]

30. Kosher and blessed food created accordingly

Hats, t-shirts, jewelry, gadgets...

melikes!

I have ideas that float off into the ether and haunt my dreams every day :D

This seems too easy not to have been tried. If not, we'll need backers. Once we get a little capital built up with some padded margins, we can sell our shares.

:D

[graywarrior]

41. Maybe Skinner will let us take investors money here

Hahahahahahahaha!

[Inchworm]

42. Paypal Services will be held nightly

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

43. We NEED to do this!

[fNord]

27. Just rember...

The Discordians will back you with there thousands of members, and you can still make up what ever Cabal (and thereby rules, laws, ect.) you want.

for example, I am a Discordian, and founder and Pope of:
The Door of the Castle of Our Lady of (W)Hol(e)-ly Transcendental Principia cabal.

I also hold many other titles, including (but not limited to):

One of the two Knights of the Three Sided Circle, or KTSC.

Dean of the Discordian University of Eris Esoteric, or DUEE (pronounced Doe!) where I serve also as Professor of modern Philosophy and Non-liner Psychology(I hold honorary Degrees in both), as well as being the assistant head janitor(they have to trust you before they give you the keys.)

I am also the co-founder of S.E.L.F.- The Supreme Erisian Liberation Front, of witch, I can tell you nothing.

any way, you get the Idea

for more information, see link below, and if you have any answers, I will be glad to provide full and detailed questions.

[Inchworm]

31. We shall seek

That is a backbone to our "cabal."

I thought cabal was either the color blue or a lost language.

:D

[fNord]

34. don't think to deeply on it, or you'll miss the point n/t

[fNord]

35. or, you know, do. Thats the point. I guess. n/t

[Inchworm]

37. Weee

Took me a few to get my mind around it :P

:rofl:

[fNord]

39. check out the link. n/t

[Inchworm]

40. We'll need to reach the internet community once we get above water

Could you manage a website for us?

:silly:

[jobycom]

29. First you need a Ben & Jerry's flavor to promote it:

I'm thinking "Mad Grape Harvest Primordial Swirl." Base it on Dionysius. We get drunk, we screw in the fields... Jimmy Buffet can be one of the chief prophets.

[Inchworm]

32. Mind moving ideas!

You may be just the one we need to manipulate consumer minds!

:woohoo:

[LaraMN]

33. I'm thinking about basing one around Yankee candles and

these delicious treats:

[Inchworm]

36. I used to have a Yankee Screwdriver

You can toss that in and we can do product placement shots on our infomercials.

(link may die. I proclaimed its use in the name of Dog)


ummm..

for 5% of your profit :D

:hi:

[scheming daemons]

45. Elron, is that you?

[Inchworm]

46. The potential is so far in the future

that speculation of "now" seems like climbing a ladder.

ya know?

:silly:

[hvn_nbr_2]

48. Where the money is: hate

That's where the money is.
If you want to make a lot of money at it, you have to hate someone, preferably someone that a lot of dumb people hate.

[Inchworm]

51. You calling me a rethug?

:rofl:

We have boundaries yanno :D

:hi:

[DarkTirade]

50. If you're looking for fun, go for Dionysis and Priapus.

Both gods of fertility in various forms... and both keep the party rollin'! :P

[Inchworm]

52. Well fun, money and peace mainly

nekkid wimminz are cool for me.

Where there are nekkid wimminz there are nekkid men.

Everyone wins.

:D

[DarkTirade]

53. Hmm... maybe you should skip Dionysis then.

He's also a god of madness. Usually of the fun drunken revelry kind, but the old-timey pagans had a habit of admitting that every good thing had a bad side too, so occasionally the madness he inspired was of a not-so-peaceful type.

[ismnotwasm]

54. With a comba 12 step type program

Ala Alabama 3

Hypo full of Love

Brothers and sisters I have a confession to make this evening. I been a fool, I been hanging out on street corners with whores and junkies - living mah life low. But lately a little bit of light has come into mah life and that light be the light of love; D. W.A.Y.N.E. LOVE nand he be a man with a 12-step plan and he gonna show youhow to do it.

Step One
You admit you are powerless under me
Step Two
You figure that's just gotta be jelly cos jam just don't shake like that
Step Three
Make a searching inventory of all your good shit
Step Four
Inventory taken,you hand all that good shit over to me
Step Five
Having divined I am the real thing you get down on your knees
Step Six
....and humbly ask me to remove your underthings
Step Seven
And make ready for me to do mah thing
Step Eight
Naked now you're ready to understand mah kind of lovin'
Step Nine
Lovin men ,lovin women ,lovin all God's creatures
Step Ten
And in turn you're divestments having been completed
Step Eleven
Ah get turned on by you ,and in turn being turned on by you
Step Twelve
I know you're ready to become a disciple, a lonely little reverend
making his way day by day in the congregation
Hustling a dollar here, a dollar there, selling pictures of The King
to bring back to the coffers of the all powerful all holy Reverend Doctor D.W.A.Y.N.E
Love first Reverend of The First Presleytarian Church Of Elvis The Divine.

If you see me standing on the corner, money in mah hand
I ain't waiting for no taxi honey, I'm waiting for mah man
He aint selling heroin, he aint selling crack cocaine
He got enough of that stuff gonna me you up to
a higher plane


Shoot me up
In the mainline
Shoot me up
You know I feel fine
Shoot me up
Every damn day
With a hypo full of love
With a hypo full of love
Shoot me up
Deep down inside
Shoot me up
You know you can't hide
Shoot me taxi honey, I'm waiting for mah man
He aint selling heroin, he aint selling crack cocaine
He got enough of that stuff gonna move
33 minutes down till you lose the misery

Hey baby theres no need to go under, just ring
D.Wayne's number up and you be feeling free
D.Wayne is on the mainline, tell him what you want
Just call him up and tell him what you want
If your sick and you wanna get well, tell him what you want
Just call him up and tell him what you want.

From brother D. Wayne
With a hypo full of love
An a hypo full of love

Your monkey's messing with bad medicine
He be down with the Jones
Sweating, Shaking, bodies aching
Badly feel the fever in your bones
T-t-t-tripping out you starta count

(Too bad all the youtube vidoes are shit)

[Inchworm]

56. That was an interesting read

:rofl:

[Rhythm]

55. Here's your Holy Theme-song, Dude!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p99a6K81zqM

Comfort Eagle - Cake

We are building a religion,
We are building it bigger
We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes
We are building a religion.
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these pendant keychains
To resist it is useless,
It is useless to resist it
His cigerratte is burning but it never seems to ash
He is grooming his poodle
He is living comfort eagle
You can meet at his location but you'd better come with cash

Now his hat is on backwards. He can show you his tattoos
He is in the music buisness he is calling you "DUDE!"

Now today is tomorrow and tomorrow's today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon

He is handling the money. He's serving the food
He knows about your party. He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now, do you believe in the one big sign?
The double wide shine on the boot hills of your prime
Doesn't matter if you're skinny. Doesn't matter if you're fat.
You can dress up like a sultan in your onion-head hat

We are bulding a religion. We are making a brand
We're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
Take a bit of this apple, Mr. Corporate Events
Take a walk through the jungle of cardboard shedies and tents
Some people drink pepsi. Some people drink coke. (coke)
The wacky morning d.j. says democracy's a joke.

He says now, "Do you believe in the one big song?"
He's now accepting callers who would like to sing along
He says, "Do you believe in the one true edge?"
By fastening your saftey belts and stepping towards the ledge

He is handling the money. He is serving the food.
He is now accepting callers. He is calling me "DUDE!"

Do you believe in the one big sign?
The double wide shine on the boot hills of your prime.
There's no need to ask directions if you ever lose your mind
We're behind you. We're behind you.
And let us please remind you
We can send a car to find you
If you ever lose your way

We are bulding a religion...
We are bulding it bigger...
We are building............... a religion.......
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these beautiful pendant keychains

[Inchworm]

57. Duuude!

I'm gonna need a tattoo! Finally!

That is a perfect song :rofl:

:headbang:

[Rhythm]

58. Discovered it by accident, but it IS friggin' perfect...

It's in the soundtrack to "Shallow Hal", which is my 'homesick' flick, since 90% of it was filmed around Charlotte NC (my home for almost 30 years)... I heard a part of it and HAD to find the whole song.

[Inchworm]

59. You have done the congregation well

I don't want to get your hopes up but if we have any pull in the afterlife you can choose your reward and I'll push for it. It has been written. ( <= ^^ written right there ) :D

For now, if I can get the Nymphs to agree, I'll work on getting you a little go time with them :rofl:

How are you with karaoke? Since we'll be doing 30min spots we may need some other songs that reach out and make the patrons want to sing with us.

:D

[Rhythm]

60. For some 'go time' with the nymphs... i'd sing anything...

:evilgrin:

[Inchworm]

61. That brings me to an issue

Were there male nymphs? The image that pops in my sick brain is a goatboy playing a flute. That's not very nymphy of him.

We'll need to work on that. I may want to do a rotation in that department.

:evilgrin:

[Rhythm]

62. The goatboys are satyrs... or, alternately, Kerry Collins...

:hide:

[Inchworm]

63. like evil nymphs then?

Satyr-masochists and junk?

I'm wanting free, sexy, buff, males in a lake or someting like that. Did they make those? :rofl:

:crazy: