Cat Physics 3

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

I have previously determined the following about the physics of cats:

1. Their normal state of matter is liquid.
2. They assume a different, extremely dense and heavy state of matter when they sleep with humans. This is to prevent the humans from moving and disturbing the cats' sleep.

I have also concluded as follows:

Cats are not subject to the normal laws of time and space. For one thing, they are able to locate portals into other dimensions and amuse themselves there while you search everywhere for them. When they are ready to return to our dimension, usually when food is presented, they will slip back through the portal and appear suddenly in your kitchen. I have not yet figured out how they do this.

[Sanity Claws]

1. I found a portal

It's in the bathroom closet, second from bottom shelf, in my old house. Poor kitties have not located a portal in our new place.

[MorningGlow]

2. Agreed

Our house is fairly large, but by no means massive. Several times our alpha male kitty has vanished and yet suddenly sauntered out of a room we had searched only moments beforehand. Portal. (And yes, the sound that travels most clearly to that other dimension is the lid coming off a can of mushy food.)

I have experienced physics statement No. 2 this week. Usually our pisspot neurotic part Persian, normally about 8 lbs. soaking wet, pins Mr. MG to the bed when she enters her altered, heavier state. Because MG Jr. has been ill and has been sleeping in "the big bed" with me, Mr. MG has decamped to the sofa, leaving our pisspot no choice but to pin me. However, I am more resistant to this altered state and have, on occasion, rolled over and flung her across the mattress. She has retaliated by depositing a vengeance poop in the dining room (thank goodness for hardwood floors).

[TZ]

3. I think there is a cat portal above my bed

Because I won't see a cat for ages and then suddenly a flying cat appears ...:crazy:

[Rhythm]

4. Ours is an extra-dimensional space between the bathroom closet and the kitchen

Which explains how they can, at one moment be pacing around the bathroom like THEY need to use the facilities, and before i can get there, they are pacing at the food cupboard.

*exasperated sigh* Cats... *shakes heads*

[rurallib]

5. often when ours cannot be found we can hear their footsteps all over the place

like they must put on hob nail boots when they take a trip.

[suninvited]

6. do not disturb the cat's sleep!

very important.