I want to get rich by selling some cheap-to-produce cr@p that nobody needs. Any marketing advice?

[struggle4progress]

I thought I'd launch the ad campaign first, because that's the expensive part of the venture that actually requires thought. After the commercials are unleashed, I'll decide what the product will actually be

[old mark]

1. Sounds like a natural for late night infomercials, similar to

"Your Baby Can Read".

Good luck - America needs more crap.

mark

[struggle4progress]

4. "America needs more crap" ... a "patriotic shopping" theme, huh? Updated maybe:

Are you concerned about the economy? Do you want to help America recover but don't know how? Well, now there's an easy way for you to save the country!

[old mark]

12. You may have found your place in LIFE! You sound like a natural...

"America, YOU REALLY NEED THIS SHIT!!!!!"
:toast:
It has worked for centuries, no reason it won't work for you.

mark

[flvegan]

2. Just hire some famous demographic specific idiot to promote your goods.

You're golden.

[struggle4progress]

3. That's an interesting idea. Maybe I could combine it with hyponosis:

When I snap my fingers, the spinning spiral will disappear, and in its place you will see a famous idiot specific to your demographic group. You will then get out your credit card and follow the idiot's verbal instructions

[Brother Buzz]

5. As seen on TV

Make the damn thing as heavy as possible and sell it dirt cheap. Speaking of dirt, you could sell dirt for a dollar a yard - one dollar plus S&H. The shipping and handling is your profit. Heck, you can make up any damn price you want for handling (remember, shoveling dirt is hard work so hire a hungry man who works slow and charge your sucker customer twice what you pay him).

Yep, sell a cubic yard of dirt for a dollar but you stick them on the shipping and handling. You know what I mean, Vern?

[struggle4progress]

6. Ooh! I like it! "We're so eager for you to try our product, we'll give it to you for free! That's

right, it's absolutely free! You pay only shipping and handling!"

I'm not ready to consider the actual product yet. But "The Really Really Big Box O' Dirt" might have possibilities

[Callalily]

7. And if you put the dirt

in a nifty Lucite box to upscale it some, you could even charge more! I think you're on to something.

[struggle4progress]

8. I'd rather display the product in a Lucite box and add a voiceover at the end:

Heirloom crystalline display case sold separately

[old mark]

13. You are getting there - but you need dirt with a special association,

maybe "Part of Via Venito where Jesus appeared to St. Peter on the way into Rome"...Some such, then add a disclaimer:
Note: Actual dirt received is guaranteed similar to dirt from actual site described - it is in fact authentic dirt from the planet Earth! Authenticity documents on file with authority.

You might be on to something here, and if this works out, you owe us all consultants fees for product development at the usual rate.


mark

[mikeytherat]

22. "Crystalline" sounds a bit too real, and you need a subtle God angle. Go with "christalline"

Or, perhaps, "christalign."

mikey_the_rat

[Lucian]

9. Whatever the product is, it has to be a $600 value for only $19.95.

[struggle4progress]

10. I like that,. "A six hundred dollar value. And it's yours absolutely free, You pay only

$29.95 shipping and handling"

[meegbear]

11. Two words ...

BILLY. MAYS.

[TZ]

16. Even better..check out Billy Mays new show..."Pitch Men"

That ought to be helpful! ;)

[Brother Buzz]

27. Two words - Vince Shlomi

Vince's stock dropped like a stone when he got arrested for beating up the hooker that beat him up in his Florida hotel room. Because of the incident, he lost all his gigs and I suspect he will work dirt cheap. Speaking of dirt.....

[Blue_Tires]

14. use lots of bikini-clad (or nude) women

and infer your product will stop hair loss, help people lose weight, and make you irresistable to women...

[struggle4progress]

15. Great idea! Aim at making men feel impotent and at making women feel

ugly and undesireable! And suggest that the product will solve all their problems! Devious! I like it!

[peekaloo]

17. Limited offer! Hurry! Strengthens abs AND cleanses the colon.

Be sure and incorporate a digital timer on the screen to emphasize the time constraint (even if it runs 6 times a day).

[struggle4progress]

19. Maybe I could just point out the health benefits of having strong abs and a clean colon

without actually claiming my product strengthened abs or cleansed the colon? I do think it's a great opener: Your health is important to you! You know you never feel better than when your abs are toned and your colon is clean. Hi! I'm famous person, here to talk to you about a wonderful new product yada yada yada

[peekaloo]

20. Oh, so you're ethical?

}(

:hi:

[struggle4progress]

21. As the inscrutable ancient Chinese wiseman said -- There's a difference between hunting and fishing

The hunter actually tracks the animal down; the fisherman just collects the ones dumb enough to bite

[Auggie]

18. You need distribution. Wal-Mart sounds perfect.

[jmowreader]

23. This sounds like the three-step business plan of the Underpants Gnomes

South Park's Underpants Gnomes were Republicans to be sure...and they had a three step business plan:

Step 1: Collect underpants (out of people's dresser drawers, off their asses, out of the hamper, wherever)

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit!

- - - - -

I have the perfect marketing plan for you: Play Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" video, with a card displayed: "Call 1-877-123-4567 within the next sixty seconds with your credit card in hand, and we'll stop playing this!" This isn't a blackmail scheme because you WILL send anyone who calls something for their trouble. Naturally, anyone whose card is declined gets a DVD of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" video.

[struggle4progress]

29. Great! "And there's an Underpants Gnomes Seal of Approval on every box!"

Consumers like stuff like that!

[Arkansas Granny]

24. Get Billy Mays to yell about it on tv.

[Locrian]

25. two words: iPhone applications

[SecularMotion]

26. Sell products for use in the afterlife to the religious nt

[LynneSin]

28. I think there is a market for blankets that have pantlegs in them

I mean you're already wearing blankets with sleaves in them - why not have the matching pants to go with them?

[struggle4progress]

32. Y'know, I just realized they sell electric blankets with heating cools but I'll never seen

a blanket with cooling coils

[Initech]

30. You need to combine two objects into one, like the Snuggie for instance.

[struggle4progress]

31. Like a depiliating hat? "It not only keeps your head warm -- it also helps remove unwanted

body hair. Sick of shaving? Tired of waxing and tweezing? Throw away your razor and all those unsightly bottles! Just wear this beautiful cap, made by our patented process, and watch all that unsightly hair fall out"