How many midwestern relatives will ask if I felt the earthquake over the next few days?

[LeftyMom]

Every time disaster (or near-disaster, or in this case minor annoyance several orders of magnitude shy of disasterousness) strikes somewhere in California and makes the TV news, I get anxious calls from Ohio and have to explain yet again that no, LK and I are in no risk from earthquakes in LA, fires in Malibu, or Republicans in San Diego, and that we'd have to get in the car and drive south for eight hours uninterrupted before any of these things would be anywhere near us.

Every damned time. Apparently they don't realize that California is BIG and that calling me about stuff that happens in SoCal is like if I got worried about them every time something horrible happened in oh, I don't know... Tennessee.

I swear, if they call again for this one, then for Christmas I'm sending LK's Grandmother an atlas and a gigantic bottle of Xanax.