Anger Management

[Lyric]

Got this in an e-mail, haha.

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Richard. Could I please speak with Jason Sheppard?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*cking number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Jason's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "Asshole" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from B&T. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at Remington Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black Ford Expedition cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Ford Expedition Asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black Ford Expedition for sale?"

“Yes it is,” he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 159 Parker Street, in Belington. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Robert Clerkson," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Rob?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Rob, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Rob, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello?"

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me!" he yelled. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Rob Clerkson." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "I live at 159 Parker Street, Belington, a terraced house, with my black Ford Expedition parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Rob. And you’d better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll do what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass!" he screamed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 159 Parker Street in Belington, and that I was on my way over there to kill my lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the gang war going down on Parker Street in Belington.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Parker Street. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the shit out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works!

:rofl: