You ever have times when someone proudly shows you something - and you can't say it sucks balls?

[Rabrrrrrr]

You have to bite your tongue and pretend that it's wonderful - whether it be a work of art, a writing, pictures from a trip, or more usually, a video of them performing something or photos of their kids' prom outfits...

you'd really like to say something like "OMG, you can't be serious! That's one of the most trite, god-awful paintings I've ever seen!" or "They didn't really dress like that to go out in public, did they?" or "Seriously, did you get any notes correct? How can you be proud of that performance?" or "You do know that your daughter would look pretty if you actually got her a dress that fit and wasn't patterned like the drapes in a Wild West whorehouse?"

But you have to bite your lip and be diplomatic and pat them on the head and act like it's all grand and wonderful?

Yeah, I have those times, too.

They cause me a lot of anxiety, as the part of my psyche that has an overdeveloped sense for honesty and scientist-style truth-telling wrestles with the part of my psyche that has an overdeveloped sense of social etiquette and caring for people's feelings.

I've gotten a lot better at letting the caring side win in the last decades.

Still, it would be nice if people would self-filter themselves a little more judiciously first.

[datasuspect]

1. always be honest

but there are good and bad ways of being honest.

i like to build people up and always see the potential in others even if they can't see it or even if it isn't there.

so, i'd probably give them some ideas to improve the thing or see ways it relates to something else.

i would probably be genuinely interested too. shit, it's difficult to create ANYTHING. just the act of creating something, taking the time, and just plain trying warrants some basic human decency in the situations you propose.

[PVnRT]

2. Easy way - get a Bluetooth earpiece

Wear it all the time, say what you want, then when the other person acts shocked, just say that you were on the phone, sorry.

[guitar man]

3. No

I've just gotten to the point where I'll say "dude, you can't be serious, that really sucks ass man."

I consider it a public service :rofl:

[WildEyedLiberal]

4. Yes - I like to write, and I'm often asked to read through short stories or essays

Mostly friends, sometimes classmates, who want me to give something a readthrough and tell them "if it's good or not!" And they always have that excited puppy expression on their face; these are not serious, professional writers.

If it's an essay for class I feel liberated to be honest, because their grade depends on me pointing out every tortured runon sentence or comma splice or awkward word choice. It's the personal short stories written for fun that give me fits. Most of them are BAD - or at the least, very, very awkwardly written. So I'm put in the position of either being totally honest, and probably crushing their feelings, or plastering on a paper smile and lying through my teeth. Since these friends are not aspiring to be professional writers, I don't feel it would be appropriate to be brutally candid.

When I am in situations like that, I try to find ONE thing I like (or at least don't mind so much) and comment on that. That way I get to be somewhat honest without being soulcrushingly blunt.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

5. If you think that's bad...

...try faking an orgasm.

[newcriminal]

9. Unfortunately, we females all know about that one.

You almost made me pee my pants. I was laughing so hard. Thanks I needed that.

[Call Me Wesley]

12. Does rug know?

:rofl:

[newcriminal]

20. Hey, it works both ways!

:rofl:

[newcriminal]

34. You know he typed that, and full of shit too!!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

14. Glad I could--urm--help

:fistbump:

[Yavin4]

6. Well, If Someone Showed You Their Ball Sucking Machine

then, you could say, "Wow, that suck balls", and you'd be okay.

[LynneSin]

7. My ex-boyfriend's drum playing

He decided at 30-something he was going to take drum lessons. Why I have no clue and oh he totally sucked at it btw. That was money wasted if you asked me. But I tried to be nice because the one time I made a criticism he got all pissy at me. I commented that he wasn't quite doing is triplets right and I would have showed him (I've played musical instruments for years) and he got really mean & nasty about that comment. He was play 3 notes sure, but he was play 3 notes and then a rest. I was trying to tell him that it's not 3 notes that are triplets but playing 3 notes over a 2/4 beat period with no rest.

He's an asshole

[gmoney]

8. One word... "Fantastic"

It's a word that sounds complimentary, but in actually, just means that it's something of fantasy, but could be good or bad.

Or just ask redirecting questions without offering opinions... "Here's my daughter's prom dress..." You: "Oh, did she have a good time? Did they have a theme? Has she decided on a college yet?"

[Tommy_Carcetti]

15. It was quite....breathtaking......

....a la Seinfeld.

[petronius]

18. Also "Interesting", "unique", and "that's the best one of these that I've seen all day"

:)

[Lex]

10. Keep in mind it's your opinion only

so it really has no more weight than theirs, so why not just be nice about it.

[Call Me Wesley]

11. I think there's a nice middle way.

Of course, it's always my subjective opinion, and what I may not like, others may praise - I stopped letting it get to me a very long time ago.

So here's my middle way; I always point out the things I like (and they're always are things I may like,) and then point out something I don't really like, waiting for the reaction. If the reaction is bad, like 'It's a masterpiece and you just don't understand it, because you're not the genius I am!' I'm happy to wish them all well and suggest they show it to a broader audience.
If the reaction is good, like 'Really? I didn't notice this ...' there's ground for a nice discussion.

But yes, keep in mind that this is your individual opinion. And, being honest, most of these pieces really don't make it into museums, so ... But I'm always happy if people write, take pictures, try to make a video of a performance. At least they're not sitting in front of a tv set 24/7; they're showing some creativity. That's a big plus in my book to start with.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

13. Yes. My father in law's self-published novel.

I read it on my downtime during my vacation this year and it was some sort of bad. We're talking about excessive flash backs, flash forwards, I believe there was even a flash-sideways in there. It was just, well, bad. But he loosely based it on his life experiences, and I wanted to be diplomatic, so I just smiled and told him I enjoyed his book on vacation.

The thing is, I believe had he come to me and asked me for input or editing I could probably have helped him make it a half decent story. I really could. It wasn't as though there was no potential there. But, alas, he did it all by himself, and the result just wasn't very good at all.

[nuxvomica]

16. I know what this is about and seriously you don't need to spare...

my feelings. I write these stories for the fun of it and if they're not very good I don't mind anyone saying so. In fact, I welcome it. I always try to be brutally honest when reviewing a work of any form of art, regardless of how the person might take it. I feel my honesty is more a gift to them than my flattery.
So no hard feelings then, Rabrrrrrr. :-)

[BlueJazz]

17. I'm usually fairly nice to people that show me their "Artistry".

I figure if it makes them happy then that's cool.

[MrScorpio]

19. If you ask for my opinion, I'll give you an honest answer

Life's to short to be dealing in bullshit

[Zomby Woof]

21. The only reason I can't say it sucks balls

Is because DU rules forbid it - otherwise I would have at it.

[rug]

22. You're going soft, man.

[madamesilverspurs]

23. Uh, yeah.

Had a boss who decided that a departmental meeting was the perfect place to announce her new hobby - singing. She said she'd been practicing for weeks and would be debuting at an open-mike night at a local club and hoped that we would all be there to cheer her on. Then she sang. Or, more accurately, she vocalized in some manner. It was...it was...well, let's just say there were a lot of tears in the room. I got through it by concentrating on the knowledge that I was already scheduled to be out of town on the designated night. And on the way out of the meeting I just smiled and told her, "Wow, and I can't even carry a tune." Yikes.

[crim son]

24. Heck yeah. I have three kids. n/t

[NNadir]

25. Naaahhhh. I'm pretty blunt. Your OP by the way...

...sucks.

[Robeson]

26. Sure. White lies are sometimes the best way to ease anxiety.

[Lyric]

27. I just say nothing.

As a poet who frequently workshops other people's poetry, I am very familiar with this. However, if it's obvious that someone is fishing for praise rather than looking for constructive criticism, I just hold my peace altogether. I no longer have the time or patience to coddle people who just want to hear how wonderful they are instead of seeking honest feedback that might lead to real improvement. I am always willing to help if someone sincerely wants help, but I am not willing to lie to them in order to prop up an artificially-inflated ego.

However, the vast majority of my classmates are good kids who honestly *want* to become better writers, so this doesn't happen *too* often in my life these days.

:)

[old mark]

28. Yeah - his wife. nt

[Chan790]

29. I don't do that...

too many people around me depend on me for a professional opinion and I am too dependent upon the creative property of my friends to spare anybody's feelings.

I bluntly told my roommate 2 days ago that he was being an idiot to buy a cinematic camera because despite being a skilled production staffer (independent producer of films and a 2nd 2nd AD for USA Network's series production unit), he is not talented or creative in the least. (There is a difference between skill and talent. Skills are masteries, they can be learned. Talent is innate, if you don't have it all the practice and skill will never give it to you or let you fake it.) I tell him all the time, "Man, this thing you're working on...it's a pile of shit." I've earned a rep as a tough critic on his sets and people actively seek out those opinions from me now because I have been an accurate bellwether of success in the past. That ultimately is money.

These are professionals and if they are going to take anything personally or allow their feelings to be hurt, they're in the wrong industry. I don't give opinions on the IP of non-professionals; if you insist that I give you a professional opinion, I will. Don't ask if you don't want to know.

[Rabrrrrrr]

31. Oh, sure - if they're asking for a professional opinion, that's one thing.

But not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking more the unsolicited garbage thrust under our noses for us to marvel and wonder at - like the picture of the prom kids dressed in awful tacky outfits and bad makeup, or the house that's been interior-decorated by what appears to be a baboon randomly choosing shit from Home Interiors...

But, yeah, when someone asks for a professional opinion, then I go for brutally honest - I want them to be the best they can, so I try not to let them slip by with shit, but to improve and do their best.

[madeline_con]

30. Give them a huge smile and say, "Wow!" n/t

[Beetwasher]

33. "Well! Isn't That Something!"

n/t

[Beetwasher]

32. Holy Crap Your Post Sucks Balls!!

Err, I mean, what a wonderful, thoughtful OP you've written. :evilgrin:

[ScreamingMeemie]

35. Agreed. And it's why I stay by myself most days.

My lash out at the world attitude has yet to subside.