When do you have the "Where is this going?" talk with a date?

[charlie and algernon]

I just had a second date last night and while it was fun and we had a good time, there were definitely some mixed vibes as to where it's going. She does want to get together again, which is great, so do I, but I'm confused as to whether we're just hanging out or if there's something to it. Do we need to have a "Where is this going?" talk during the next date? Or is this something that needs to happen before another date is planned?

When have you had a "where is this going?" talk?

[MrsBrady]

1. just tell her you really like her and let her know you would like to

spend time with her.

When can I take you out again for another date?

Use the word "date."

Did you kiss her?

[charlie and algernon]

2. hm, that's not a bad idea

maybe I missed the signal, but I wasn't picking up any that said she wanted to be kissed. What really brought all this up was the end of the date, we were waiting in the metro station for our trains to arrive and she was definitely keeping distance between us. There may be the very real chance that she just didn't want a first kiss to happen in a crowded metro station, or you know, I don't know. But we did hug and she wanted me to text her when I got home, which I did and she said she really liked it. Sorry for the stream of consciousness, a lot of things going through my head. Next time we talk, I'll make sure to actually use the word date and see what response I get.

[MrsBrady]

24. i think you are just worrying yourself...

if she didn't like you, she wouldn't need you to text her when you got home.

Don't stress. :)

Let us know how it goes next time.

[old mark]

25. This is the best advice - let it flow or not, but give her indications

that you are enjoying her company. Also, maybe do something "non-date", maybe hiking or whatever, something you both like to do.
Just let things happen as they will.

mark

[MissMillie]

3. After date #2.... no, not yet

If there's ambiguity, then just spend some more time together until YOU feel there's no more ambiguity (until you feel--for sure--like it's something more than just "hanging out"), and then if you want to ask her about what she thinks, go for it.

She may get to it before you do.

[bigwillq]

4. Just go with the flow.

So many people try to define a relationship, just to define it, instead of enjoying the moment. Go with the flow. Have fun. If something happens, it happens. Just let it happen on it's own, without trying to define what something is or isn't. It'll "go" where it's meant to "go".

Have fun! :hi:

[charlie and algernon]

7. that's great advice

she DOES want to see me again, I just need to relax and see what happens.

thanks! :hi:

[bigwillq]

13. There you go.

See her again, and who knows what can happen. Anything can, really. Enjoy it! :hi:

[Orrex]

5. You should have asked her that question when you asked her out

Like this:

YOU: "Do you want to get a cup of coffee some time?"

SHE: "Sure!"

YOU: "Great! Where do you see this relationship going?"


It'll work like a charm, I promise!

[charlie and algernon]

6. LOL, I'll make sure to remember next time

:rofl:

[PVnRT]

8. Ask if you can see her boobs

That will resolve your question quickly.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

11. away noob!

Back to your girlie magazines and box of kleenex.



To the OP: Women know men don't hang out with us just for the conversation. She's either:

A) establishing in her mind that she's safe and comfortable with you or

B) jerking you around without jerking you off.

Assuming your own desires are not clouding your judgment you should be able to determine which way this is playing. People only screw up relationships when they impose their desires (read: fantasies) on others and that other person doesn't fit the fantasy the disappointment comes in.

At the same time don't alter yourself to fit her expectations. That's called lying. Women want safety and assurances before they trust a man in a serious relationship. If you cannot be yourself up front you will ultimately be the disappointer instead of the disappointed.

[PVnRT]

15. Pssst.....that was meant as a joke

[charlie and algernon]

18. I'm thinking (hoping) it's A

We were laughing a lot, having fun and such, so it's not like there were TOO many awkward pauses. I do know that I get my hopes up way too easily and was kinda expecting fireworks. I need to temper my expectations and go with the flow as everyone is saying. We are having fun, I'm just going to take this one date at a time.

[rug]

9. If you don't know where it goes, you shouldn't be dating.

[unpossibles]

10. +! IBTL nt

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. Right before I ask her to change my diaper and clean me up

[JonLP24]

14. It's time for marriage. Seriously it's time to pop the question!

:sarcasm:

I wish I could help you but from what I can remember about the early times I spent with my ex-wife we both wanted to try a relationship and both went with the flow and it progessed from there. I don't remember if there was a 'where is this going?' type of talk.

[charlie and algernon]

16. how do you think I asked her out? LOL

You wanna marry me?
No
Well you wanna go out for some food?
sure
:woohoo:
:rofl:

[Iggo]

17. Immediately preceding the break-up...lol.

That was my gut reaction answer.

Now that I've read your post, instead of just the subject line...

Since you're only between the 2nd and 3rd dates with this girl, let it go where it goes for a minute. If it's really bothering you to not ask her, then ask her. But try to avoid sounding ultimatum-ish.

[Boojatta]

23. "Immediately preceding the break-up"

I cast my ballot for that option.

[KamaAina]

19. Once every decade or two.

Or three, at this rate. :(

[hippywife]

20. Whoa.

Get a few more, probably a few more than a few, dates under your belt and see where it goes. Too soon to be even thinking about where this is going.

:hi:

[Wapsie B]

21. A while longer than that.

But I know what you mean. The temptation can be there to have those words with her. You're feeling attracted and good about things and want some reassurance about where things are going. Just don't do it now. Wait a few months.

[Chan790]

22. I try to avoid it...

it's been the death of every relationship I've ever been in. Mostly because I'm not interested in having a relationship...I'm more interested in a life-long activity partner that I can sleep with and cohabitate. Relationships are complicated and no fun.

[MilesColtrane]

26. "Where is this going?"..."Why the restraining order?"

Isn't that really the same thing?

[LostInAnomie]

27. That's pretty damn soon to be having that talk.

Wait until you've been dating for at least a month.

[Roon]

28. I wish you the best of luck,I hope you guys hit it off..

but I am sooooooooo glad I don't date anymore! whew!