Voted Best Irish Joke Ever.....

[WCGreen]

Well, maybe not ever...

But close...

Voted Best Joke in Ireland


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending
the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only
be in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[hedgehog]

1. Eh, I'm not cetain this isn't a generic sex joke told with an accent.

[WCGreen]

2. Just passing on an EMail...

Sorry...

[hedgehog]

3. No need to be sorry, I'm sorry if I was too harsh. What I was really hoping of is a bunch of

people to post better jokes.

[WCGreen]

4. Me too...

Sorry, I hadn't eaten breakfast yet...

[bigwillq]

5. I thought it was funny.

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

6. Officer Murphy had been watching the pub all day

He had his eyes on one particular car that had been in the lot since the pub opened that afternoon.

Sure enough, about mid evening he sees old Mr. O'Malley stumble out of the pub, somehow get the car started, and start weaving down the road.

Officer Murphy followed him for a few miles, then pulled him over. "Good evenin' to ye, Mr. O'Malley," said the officer. "I saw you leavin' the pub and your driving looks a little rough. Tell me, did you have anything to drink in the pub?"

"Oh, yes, officer. I had some of me Guiness, don't ya know." "Did you have more than one?" asked the policeman. "Well, I was there all day, so yes, I'm sure I had quite a few of 'em," Mr. O'Malley replied.

Officer Murphy frowned and said, "Mr. O'Malley, I don't think you're in any shape to be driving. Do you even know that your wife fell out of the car a few blocks back?"

"Praise God!" shouted Mr. O'Malley. "I thought I was losin' me hearing!"

[Brother Buzz]

8. Officer Murphy had been watching the pub all day

He was watching a particularly rowdy pub for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

Officer Murphy, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, Murphy said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," he said, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

[SidneyCarton]

7. A Witty Irish Priest

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.. Father O'Malley rose from
his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission
parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station......

The conversation went like this:

''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day te yerself... This is Father O'Malley at St.
Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn."

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a
smirk, ''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of the last rites!''

There was dead silence on the line for a Long
Moment...........................................

Father O'Malley then replied:
''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
_________________________________________________________________

[WCGreen]

9. Oh that made me laugh out loud...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. That is hilarious!

Thank you!