If you don't get the slogans, why get the products?

[pokerfan]

:rofl:

By Norman Chad
Monday, October 19, 2009

At its core, sports on TV is simply a prop for beer sales. The viewer essentially must answer the question: What's more important to you, Coors Light's "cold-activated can" or Miller Lite's "taste protector lid?" This marketing malarkey reminds me of another reason I stand proudly with the good folks at Pabst Blue Ribbon -- they don't advertise.

Alas, Couch Slouch remains America's Viewer and, thus, America's Commercial Viewer, America's Slogan Buster and America's Product Tester, which brings us to our annual fall survey of the vast wasteland of ads littering televised sports:

DiGiorno: "Fresh Delivery Taste Without the Delivery Price." They call it "DiGiornomics." Well, here's "Slouchonomics": I'll have a salad for dinner.

Sears: "Life Well Spent." Wouldn't it be better spent not dragging a room air conditioner into your car through a Sears parking lot?

Dr Pepper: "Drink it slow." Actually, I don't drink it at all -- is that slow enough?

Taco Bell: "Why Pay More?" Okay, the chicken ranch gordita is 89 cents. Once you consider the costs involved -- raising the chicken, processing the chicken, shipping the chicken, packaging materials, cooking the chicken, purchasing other ingredients (bread, lettuce, dressing, seasoning, et al), restaurant equipment, commercial rent, insurance, labor and, of course, advertising -- if you're paying only 89 cents, exactly what type of quality meal are you expecting here?

Wal-Mart: "Save money. Live better." It seems to me that the folks running Wal-Mart are the only ones living better.

New York Life: "The Company You Keep." You don't want to know the company I keep.

Fidelity Investments: "Turn here." If I make one more wrong turn, I'm going to be selling refrigerator magnets out of the back of my Smart Car.

Subway: "Where Winners Eat." Where do losers eat, the bus station?

State Farm: "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." I have no good neighbors -- I live in L.A.

ING: "Your future. Made easier." I have no future, so how hard could it be?

John Hancock: "The future is yours." Trust me: In 1979, maybe -- maybe -- I had a future.

KFC: "Unthink." Geez. Taco Bell always tells us to "think outside the bun." KFC wants me to "unthink." Can't do both, folks. Why don't you all just give consumers a lobotomy and be done with it?

GMC: "May the Best Car Win." I guess that's why we're all driving Hondas.

Sprint: "Any Mobile, Anytime." I remain a telecommunications throwback: I don't want to talk to anybody anytime, and when I do talk to somebody, I want it to be on a rotary-dial desk phone.

Lowe's: "Let's Build Something Together." Let's not.

Domino's: "No. 1 in Customer Satisfaction." Really? I assume none of its customers actually eat. These people now offer chocolate lava crunch cake. Heck, they can't make pizza that well, and now they're branching out to desserts?

Papa John's: Fresh Dough Cinnapie. Ibid.

Coca-Cola: I am a lifelong Coke fan, but, come on, do they really still need to advertise? Even a billion Chinese know about the stuff by now. Sure, there might be a handful of Jehovah's Witnesses who don't drink Coke, but they don't own TVs, so why bother? Best I can tell, if Coca-Cola eliminates its ad budget, it can reduce the price of a six-pack by 25 cents.

Southwest: "Bags Fly Free." Amen.

Outback Steakhouse: "Live adventurous." I do, any time I wander into Taco Bell with 89 cents in my pocket.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/18/AR2009101801883_pf.html

[Arugula Latte]

1. Grammar gripe: Dr. Pepper's slogan "Drink it slow." NO! Drink it slowLY, bitches!

Ever heard of a freaking adverb, Dr. Pepper? :grr:

on edit: Et tu, Outback Steakhouse? :banghead:

[pokerfan]

2. Mad Men no need grammar lessons

Proper English comes across as snooty and condescending which is counterproductive when you're trying to sell something I suppose.

"Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valleygirl, inner-city slang and various grunts. Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice he sounded pompous..."

[janx]

3. I was just going to post the same thing!

Are these advertisers allergic to adverbs? I'm in the process of grading more than 20 college essays, and then I check in here and see this... :shrug:

(Edited to add) I am literally looking at the following sentence in an essay:

"We are guilty for the things we do bad."

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. "We are guilty for the things we do bad."

:cry:

When I was in college we at least pretended to try. :eyes: