"Shit my dad says"

[WilliamPitt]

A friend of mine pointed me towards this Twitter page called "Shit my dad says." The guy who posts to the page is named Justin, and his bio reads, "I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says."

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Some classic stuff here:

===

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."

"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."

"You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."

"I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."

I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."

...much more...

:)

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

1. That guy's a fucking riot

I'm bookmarking that page ASAP!

[seemunkee]

2. ..

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."
:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that

it's because it fucked you.

[NJmaverick]

4. One of my favorites

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."

[av8rdave]

5. It doesn't get more profound than this:

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

[Mopar151]

6. Love #7 - Old guys rule! n/t