What's the most unexpected thing you heard from a child?

[Xipe Totec]

- My son was about 4, i was complaining about a guy at work that i absolutely hated. He asked, "Are there people there that you like?" i said, "Of course, there are lots." And he said, "Maybe you should just concentrate on them."


- while sitting with my 3 year old son on monday night a number of years ago, I was watching some football which he didn't have much interest in. The camera panned across the cheerleaders and he asked: "Dad, do you like boobies?", I said "Yes" and he replied "Me too".

I was a proud father.

More at AskReddit:

:rofl:


http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wnbx/whats_the_most_unexpected_thing_you_heard_from_a/

[rcrush]

1. Boobies bring people together

hooray for boobies!

[Xipe Totec]

3. Hooray!

hooray for boobies of all colors!

[Ptah]

2. My four year old daughter asked

"how does the bus know where we want to go?"

[Madrone]

4. I like you when you give me cookies.

Watch it. It's gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8aprCNnecU


I LOVE the examples you posted! :rofl:

[NNadir]

5. My little guy's lectures on subatomic particles.

I had nothing to do with it, I swear.

I do neutrons, protons and electrons, with some straight up neutrinos, but when it comes to quarks, mesons, various kinds of exotic neutrinos, blah, blah, blah he's beyond me now. I often have no idea what he's talking about.

It's not just limited to physics either. I can have a fairly sophisticated conversation with that boy on biochemistry or general chemistry, albeit one that's fairly limited in some ways. He is definitely at the level of a good high school student, in some places beyond that, even though he's in the fifth grade. I know I'm a Dad, and very biased, but he does impress me.

He seems to be losing interest in higher math though, probably because that is the one thing I tried to push.

Mostly he's a fairly ordinary ten year old, with the immaturity, bad handwriting and the holes in his knowledge, but at other times he's kind of intimidating to all of us, even to his older brother. I have to remind the big guy, no intellectual slouch and often under appreciated, that his close relationship with his brother probably lead the little guy to be so smart, since the little guy has always been interested in his brother's (but not often his own) homework.

It's starting to be a problem.

[AlienGirl]

13. LOL--my elder son, around age 4, told me how the universe came to be

He told me it involved protons, neutrons, and CROUTONS! "But not the salad kind of croutons, the particle croutons!"

Beloved Eldest just turned 14 and is begging for chaos theory and moar quantum. Any chance we can have our kids communicate?

Tucker

[Odin2005]

47. OMG, LOL!!!

:rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

49. My daughter did something like that when she was 3 or 4

My aunt had bought a CD for Christmas of kid's songs - but, the child's name is digitally inserted into each song to make it personal. But, one song states, "you might go to Harvard, Princeton or Yale"... a few months later, she was singing the song out of the blue and without the CD and said, "you might go to Harvard, Princeton or jail!"

[Odin2005]

46. Sounds a bit Aspie to me, LOL!

:)

[NNadir]

48. Not at all. It happens that many brilliant people are socially quite normal.

It is unfortunate, and I think typical of the intellectual sickness of our times that a love of science is seen in pathological terms. This is why our country is in decline, because it is considered a sickness to love to use one's mind.

Most of my son's friends are very bright kids. I haven't seen one of them who I would regard as having adjustment problems of any type. They talk, they play, they make up games, and they have lots of fun.

No one drives my boy to do anything. I am very proud of his independence.

[Odin2005]

54. Well good for him!

:)

[janx]

81. Quarks and neutrinos--

especially neutrinos--I read about them in my college student papers, and I'm AMAZED! It is delightful, because then I research and learn about them.

Sub-atomic particles are so much fun...: :rofl:

[supernova]

6. My niece vs Struggle4Progress

I had a Halloween party several years ago. My niece was three and dressed like a cute little witch, complete with cape and little cone hat. :D

S4P: So, are you a good witch or a bad witch?

N: Well, we don't know yet!

:wtf:

:rofl:

[LynzM]

7. This is awesome!

Thank you! :rofl:

[Missy Vixen]

8. Our friend's eight-year-old

asked me what "getting laid" meant. Her older brother found Mom and Dad's -- ahem -- adult literature, and decided to share it with her. She also asked me some very pointed questions about Mr. Missy Vixen and me; this is when I referred her back to her parents.

Let's just say that we had quite a conversation with her older brother directly afterwards.

[EndersDame]

9. When I was 8 my moms friend's daughter simulated barbie and ken having sex

My mom's friend was worried about talking about the facts of life and my mom said her daughter already knew

[MountainLaurel]

23. Barbie sex

My cousin and I used to act out scenes from our mothers' Harlequin romance novels with our dolls. Heaven knows it was about the only sex ed that either of us got.

[cleveramerican]

28. my daughters routinely used Barbie as a billy club

I used to think you never see that in the ads!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. We traveled to London with our kids.

It was the Fourth of July weekend, and our younger daughter observed this fact. She asked if the British also celebrated this holiday...

And I told her, no ...it celebrated our independence from them! She gasped, and said "Are they still mad at us?"

I reassured her that, no, they were not...That we had made peace many years ago...

She was about 12...

[buzzard]

11. When my daughter at about 3 opened the fridge and said jesus fucking christ, I was taken aback but

decided to ignore it. It was something she heard from my BIL who agreed to tame his language while around her.

[Dora]

80. My son said that when we were walking into daycare one day.

:blush:

[AlienGirl]

12. "For my eleventh birthday I want uranium and a Geiger counter!"

"Mom, can you walk me through the Schrodinger Equation step by step?"--same kid, age 13

"Matches are SOOO cool!"--same kid, age 4, 5:30 am


Younger son's great one-liners include:

"Mommy, when you are a cup, I drink you. Glug, glug."--age 2

"Spider-Hitler, spider-Hitler, doing the things a spider-Hitler can. Can he sling from a web? No he can't, he's a big old Hitler."--age 9

*as a song* "I'm peeing on the floor, I'm peeing on the floor, I'm peeing on the MOTHERFUCKING floor, oh yeah, when September ends..."--age 7

Yeah, I have some interesting kids.

Tucker

[sakabatou]

32. Wow...

LMAO

[JNelson6563]

36. First read that "song" this am

Remembered the jist of it a couple times throughout the day. I was lolz. Funny shit.

Julie

[AlienGirl]

57. Which one--Peeing On The Floor, or Spider-Hitler?

His latest song, written and composed before he decided to spend his creative energy on movie plots about Halo 3, was titled "Get Away From Me You Bleep Bleep Nazi Asshole." Some words, apparently, must be bleeped now. :shrug:

Tucker

[JNelson6563]

58. Peeing on the floor. LOL

Funny stuff. Love it.

[LeftishBrit]

84. Those songs are great!

'Get Away From Me You Bleep Bleep Nazi Asshole'

Tell him to send that one to Nick Griffin the BNP leader! It just about sums up what decent people think of him.

[Petrushka]

14. Four-year-old daughter in the backseat: "God made it a happy world -- but . . .

. . . the people must not know it. They just gotta cuss, I guess."

[madeline_con]

76. That's priceless.

:hug:

[Spacemom]

15. When my son was about 4

we went to visit my mom. A few houses down there was a little Hispanic boy about the same age who only spoke Spanish. My son would play out in the yard with this little boy for hours. Once I asked him how they played so well together when they didn't speak the same language. He said "It doesn't matter how we talk, we both laugh the same." Imagine if the adults of the world got behind a statement like that.

[Bertha Venation]

20. That is absolutely wonderful.

So glad you posted this. :)

[driver8]

30. That is one of the sweetest things I have ever read...

Thanks for sharing!

[AwakeAtLast]

42. You need to put that on a plaque or something

That is priceless!

[Chemisse]

60. That is so sweet! - nt

[av8rdave]

16. From my son

When he was 9, we rented a video one Friday night. The dialogue was a LOT racier than I remembered/expected. I didn't want to be too heavy handed, so I would occasionally nudge his foot with mine and say, "you didn't hear that part."

When I was putting him to bed, he said, "Dad, I think I know what they were talking about in that movie when you told me I didn't hear." I asked him what he thought it was. He said, "I think they were talking about S - E - X."

I asked him "what do you suppose that is?"

He looked at me and said (exact words), "I have no earthly idea, but whatever it is it's against the law to do until you're 13."

[Bucky]

17. My kid as a five year old, when she heard that there might be starving people in the world

"Who cares if people die? People pollute!"

[meow2u3]

18. I remember something a boy I used to babysit 5 years ago said about abs

When he heard a commercial about 6-pack abs, he said, "How can I get 7-pack abs?" He was 5 at the time.

[woo me with science]

19. That link is marvelous.

Lots of great stories there....Thanks!

[Bertha Venation]

21. When my nephew was young, he'd frequently stay with me on the weekend.

When he was four or five, I took him home one Sunday afternoon. He ran into his mom's arms. She said "did you have a good time?" He replied "yeah, and you know what? When Auntie Kim drives she says 'shit' a lot!"

[cleveramerican]

22. when my daughter was in kindergarten, she had a chinese friend.

when she came home from visiting over their I asked her if Kim's mom was nice.
she told me Kim's mom was "Chineser" than Kim
Kim(at age 5) translated everything my daughter said into Chinese for the mom, and did the same back the other way.
Before long my daughter was happily breaking into Chinese around the house.
She still(13years old) knows quite a few common phrases in Chinese

my wife and I were stunned and pleased.

But I love the line about Kim's mom being "Chineser" than Kim.

[Bunny]

24. In keeping with the 'boobs' theme:

My daughter was around ten years old when she asked me what breastfeeding was. I explained it to her and she said "hmm...I thought the nibbles (her word) were just for decoration." :rofl:

[logosoco]

25. When my son was < 4

he told me "Chocolate is easy to eat."

When my oldest daughter was around 3 , she told her dad he smelled like a skunk in church. We had never taken her to church, nor did I know she knew what a skunk smelled like.

I was teaching my above mentioned son to drive a few years ago and we were having a lesson in our minivan. I was trying to explain to him that it was a little different than stopping the car because it was bigger. He then went on to give me a long explanation about velocity and speed and things I did not really understand in such detail.

I kept journals throughout my kids "growing up" years. I am really glad I did and I recommend it to any parent. Things tend to be forgotten over the years. I now have two super cute grandbabies and plan on doing the same with them. And I am so looking forward to the things they have to tell me!

[Haole Girl]

26. My youngest sister once told me,

"Children like you because you don't treat them like children."

She was so young... it really caught me off-guard.

[la_chupa]

27. big wisdom can come from little people

When my newphew was 4 he told my husband that he liked him and didn't like my old boyfriend. He said that his daddy called my old boyfriend a name that he isn't aspossed to say.

Now if his daddy had just told ME that my old boyfriend was whatever this word was, it would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering.

Either that or I would have told him to BUTT OUT OF MY LIFE.

I blame him either way because that's what brothers are for.

[Ghost of Tom Joad]

29. Why do you work here?

[GreenPartyVoter]

31. The most profound one was when the Iraq war started up. My very little son said

something to the effect of, "Maybe if people had more compassion and mercy, there would be no wars." (He had just learned those concepts from the VeggieTales "Jonah" movie.)

[cyberswede]

33. My son at 6...

Our kids are in a dual language immersion program at their school; half of each class is anglo, half is latino. Shortly after starting 1st grade (after getting a nice tan at the pool over she summer), my son said, "My skin is getting darker because I'm learning Spanish." LOL!

[Chemisse]

62. That's really cute! nt

[annabanana]

34. On seeing his first set of twins:

"Which one's the Original?"

- - my son at 5

[woo me with science]

68. I love it! nt

[Swede]

35. "There has to be Aliens" my friend 6 year old said.

Why I asked?
"Well,who else is flying all those UFOs?" he replied.

[madamesilverspurs]

37. Like when my God-daughter,

a year old at the time, lovingly gazed at her grandmother and called her "poontang"?

[GirlinContempt]

77. rofl

[JNelson6563]

38. "I broke my G-string today!"

This news was delivered rather gleefully to me one day, after school, when my daughter was about 12. In the moment it took me to realize she was referring to her violin, I came the closest I've ever come to having a stroke.

Julie

[driver8]

39. I have posted this before -- my daughter Leah was brushing our dog, Buddy.

I think she was around four at the time...

Leah said, "Daddy, I'm brushing Buddy so he doesn't shit all over the floor."

I said, "Excuse me?"

She said, "I'm brushing Buddy so he doesn't shit all over the floor."

"Uhm, Leah..., the word is 'shed'."

I had to run into the bathroom so she wouldn't see me cracking up!

[valerief]

40. "We did it for the show." nt

[XemaSab]

72. win

n/t

[Arugula Latte]

41. When my son was about 1 1/2,

we were driving and he suddenly said: "Aunt Kel-ly." He could hardly talk, but he said that. I realized he was looking at a Camry in front of us. I said: "Is that what kind of car Aunt Kelly has?" He nodded yes. (I wouldn't have been able to tell you what kind of car she had if you'd held a gun to my head; I never notice vehicles.) We live in different states and he'd only been around his aunt a couple times in his life by then, but he could identify her car...Figures.

[Chemisse]

65. She must have made quite an impression on that little mind. nt

[AwakeAtLast]

43. I'm a teacher - I've got loads!

But I will only post two recent ones.

A girl was talking about her mother's job. Then she looked at me ever so seriously and asked, "Where do you work?"

Yesterday I asked students to line up when they heard the month of their birthday. I had called all of them, but one boy stayed seated. "I've called them all, come get in line please." I said. He answered, "I don't have a birthday." :o

Now one from my daughter. She was 5. We were driving past a house that had a "For Sale" sign on a mobility scooter. It was parked next to a motorcycle. Without missing a beat she says, "I guess someone else has learned how to ride on two wheels, too!" :rofl:

[GirlinContempt]

78. I wonder if he was a Jehovas Witness?

it is JH's who don't celebrate birthdays, isn't it? I remember my ex-boyfriend telling me that his mother used to be HEAVY Jehovas Witness when I spent Christmas with them, and I think he said they never had birthdays as kids, nor Christmas or Easter because of it. I thought it was so, so strange because I loved his mother, and she *adored* me. When we broke up, she called me and apologized for her son being an idiot, and begged me to stay friends with her. She was so totally cool, accepting of everything, open minded, sweet... I remember the first time I met her (actually, me & ex's first date, oddly) we had a discussion about gay rights, I dunno... NOTHING about her would have EVER said LDS to me. This was when I was in high school, so I was the kid with piercings, crazy coloured hair & weird clothes. It was so hard for me to imagine her EVER being a JH.

haha, wow, totally off topic! Sorry about that.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

44. Baby Girl, age five.....

She was going to a very well known Montessori school in Houston.

She grabs a piece of paper and sticks it under grandma's nose.
She proudly announces, "This is a compound word. B-O-O-L plus S-H-I-T spells BOOLSHIT."

Grandma busted a gut laughing. So did Momma and Gramps. Gramps said "You gotta learn to spell your bad words -- it's B-U-L-L". She thought we were laughing at her.

She said "I heard it at school and didn't know it was a bad word".

Supposedly the goal of public school in Texas is "To teach a child to write a simple declarative sentence without the word "bullshit" in it.

We flunked.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[dysfunctional press]

45. 'is it in yet?'

:evilgrin:

[w8liftinglady]

50. we were driving down the street,my 2-year old said-

"Look,there's a fucking truck!"...having ridden in the cab of daddy's pickup one too many times.

[asdjrocky]

51. Once my wife and I were discussing optimism and pessimism-

I noticed a glass on the table and it was indeed have full of milk so we decided to see wihich one of the kids was optimistic and which one was a pessimist. We called the children in and I said to them, "See the glass on the table?"

They nodded their heads. Both cute, both still in pajamas, my daughter 6 and my boy 5.

"Now tell us, is that glass half full or half empty."

After a beat, my daughter responded, "It's not my glass."

And they were gone.

[Inchworm]

52. No SHIT, Daddy! ..No shit!

Daughter was telling me not to cuss :blush:

:hi:

[Graybeard]

53. About Santa Claus.

My nephew was of the age when he wanted a serious answer to "Is Santa Claus real". My brother explained the symbolism. That he represented the meaning of Christmas, and of giving. But, he said that no there is no real Santa Claus.

My nephew was silent for a while and then, with a little tear in his eyes whispered, "Don't tell Grandma."

[woo me with science]

64. Ohhhhhhhh.

How incredibly sweet.

[mitchum]

55. "I am not the center of the world"

[woo me with science]

67. In awe here.

That child is doing better than most adults!

[Burma Jones]

56. From my 7 year old son after a Bob Dylan Concert.....

Me: So, what did you think?

Son: He's a cross between a Hobo and an Angry Mouse

[Chemisse]

59. I love the advice about friends

That was really cute - and pretty good advice too!

[Skittles]

61. I was babysitting for a little black girl

she said to me, "I wish I was white and blonde like you." When I asked her why, she said: "Because then I would be pretty." Now this was a beautiful girl, 7 years old. I set her straight very quickly.

[woo me with science]

66. Unfortunately,

I am not surprised by this one anymore, working in the court/foster care system. :(

Glad you were there to give some feedback.

[Skittles]

69. I talked with her mom about it too

she was floored and vowed to work with her little girl's self-esteem (she attended school with mostly white children)

[XemaSab]

73. Hopefully she has gained a little more self-esteem

:(

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

63. Three year old niece

driving with me to my house to babysit and she starts singing the theme to cops. "Bad boys bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you."

She confessed to being a regular viewer. I was horrified.

[tabbycat31]

70. "What's erectile disfunction?"

from my (then) 4 yo (female) cousin after seeing a Viagra commercial during a football game. I responded with "something you will never have"

[mentalsolstice]

71. Beans, beans, the more you eat the more you...

When I was 4 or 5 I repeated this infamous rhyme to my dad. Well, he knocked me sideways into the previous Saturday. I didn't understand because I learned the rhyme from my mom.

[XemaSab]

75. My aunt taught me that when I was about 6

That and "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts..."

My aunt Jane kicks ass. :D

[mentalsolstice]

79. Never heard that one

how does the rest of it go?

[Inchworm]

83. I made it jest for you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omtX53HaIYM

:*

[bumblebee1]

74. I have a couple:

Nephew- age 11: My husband was telling my BIL a joke about whores. Everyone starting laughing, including my nephew. My sister then asks nephew, "Do you know what a whore is?" My nephew answers, "Is it someone who does it for free?"

Same nephew, at my younger sister's wedding: My brother-in-law was giving him a hard time about Holy communion being cannabalism. My nephew was telling my sister about this. My sister was telling him that eating Christ's body and drinking hiw blooe (bread & wime) doesn't make you a cannabal. My nephew then asks, "Mom, did Christ have AIDS?"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

82. A few here:

1. I was visiting the home of some people who had a four-year-old son, and during dinner, I mentioned that a certain book "isn't for beginners."

The little boy looked over at me and asked, "Is it for enders?"

2. When my younger niece was about three, she heard someone talk about counting nickels, and she slapped her chest with both hands and said, "I have two nickels."

3. When I was a teenager, a couple of family friends visited us with their five-year-old son and infant daughter. As often happens, my mother and the baby's mother (let's call her Susan) were talking about whom the baby looked like. "I think she looks like Sharon," Susan said, referring to her younger sister. "I think she looks like Uncle Bill," the five-year-old said, referring to Sharon's husband.

4. I was at a party at the home of a couple whose younger child was a four-year-old girl. One of the husband's high school friends, a Catholic priest, was attending the party, and the little girl was quite taken with him. "I want to marry you," she told him.

Her mother interrupted and told her that Catholic priests can't get married.

"Not even if I'm a priest when I grow up?" she asked.

5. The following conversation happened in Japanese as I was riding an aerial tramway in Hakone National Park. I happened to end up in the gondola with a family consisting of two parents, two boys about nine and eleven, and a rather prim little girl of five. The boys were saying things like, "If the cable broke, we'd all die!" and "What if we landed on the road? The cars would get us even if we survived the fall" and "Would you rather fall that distance or get run over by a car?" The little girl sighed and said, "Don't be silly. We'd be fine if we fell, because we'd land on the grass."

6. A church I used to attend had a Children and Youth Sunday, which included a children's sermon. The Gospel for the day was the Transfiguration, and you need to know that one of the lessons read in the previous Sunday's service was about Moses begging God not to destroy the Israelites after they worshipped the golden calf. Okay, background established. The head Sunday School teacher starts the children's sermon by saying, "The Gospel reading says that Jesus talked with Moses and Elijah on the mountain. Now who remembers who Moses was?" After some silence, one girl of about seven spoke up and said, "He's the one who told God to calm down."

7. My brothers were six and eight when my maternal grandfather died. A few months later, we were up at my grandmother's lake place, when the older brother asked out of the blue,"Do you think Grandpa is a skeleton yet?"

[LeftishBrit]

85. My work brings me into schools and nursery schools, and I've heard some good ones:

Three-and-a-half-year old girl: "LB, if I kill you, will you be dead or will I be dead?"

Two-and-a-half-year-old boy (a propos of nothing): "I've got a willy! And my Daddy's got a willy. But my Mummy hasn't got a willy. She has a bottom!"

When my cousin was about 6, she informed a gathering of family and friends:
"You know, most people call it having a wee and a pooh. But my Mum doesn't call it a wee and a pooh. She calls it a pee and a shit!"

[JTG of the PRB]

86. Evidently, when I was very little, I overheard my father calling his brother a particular name...

...so, according to my parents, I walked up to that brother and said "Hi, Uncle Fuck Bag!"

And we still call him Uncle FB to this day.