What is the worst thing one of your parents ever said to you?

[WillParkinson]

Mine:

I used to write. Prodigiously. I'd write short teen novels that were about 130 - 150 pages handwritten. I never showed them to anyone. One day, though, I wrote something that I was so proud of. I took it to my dad and handed it to him. He handed it back to me and said, "What are you wasting your time on that shit for? It's never going to amount to anything."

I was 14.

I took everything I ever wrote and threw it in a box and got rid of it. Oh, and never wrote again.

[raccoon]

1. When I was a preschool kid, I liked a draw a lot.

I remember one time I had a piece of typing paper and was taking it to the kitchen to draw something.

I encountered my father who grabbed the paper from my hand, balled it up and threw it in the trash.

That isn't something he said to me, but I think it qualifies.

I feel your pain. :hug:

[MorningGlow]

2. Sorry to hear that, Will

Yes, parents can be totally soul crushing. I'm sorry you never wrote again. That was why I never talked much about what I was writing (to adults) when I was a teen, and I managed to stay a writer (now a professional writer). But my mom and my aunt did something similar when I was 14: My family is Italian, but they speak a Sicilian dialect that's hard to understand and impossible to spell. So when I started high school and had to choose a foreign language class, I chose Italian. In my first week I had to practice saying some simple words (maybe just articles) out loud, so I asked them to test me. I had barely gotten out the first "la" and "li", let alone "gli", when they both burst out laughing.

I never spoke another word of Italian in front of my family ever again. I did, however, take three years of Italian total and went on to win two awards, one from the Knights of Columbus (a dinner, a medal, and a small scholarship) and one at graduation. I didn't even tell my family I was going to win the Italian award at graduation. They were thrilled--and they voiced their regret at laughing at me when I was a freshman. :P

Actually the most hurtful thing that my mom ever said to me was, when I was in college and crushing on a guy, that maybe I should "lower my sights" before I got hurt. In other words, that he was out of my league. :( It turned out that he did try to talk to me, but we never quite connected correctly. Then he quit the sports team he was the star of, tanked in his classes, and eventually quit school altogether. Yeah, HE was out of MY league. Right. :P

[Haole Girl]

3. That is so sad Will :(

My mother said, once, "Even rats learn."

I remember the sting.

When someone brags about how they can cut a person down

with their tongue, I don't exactly see it as a compliment.

[Scout]

4. "You're more bother than you're worth."

i'm sure my mom heard that from her mom, and she didn't say it a lot, and had stopped saying it at all before i got into my teens... but, still...

[Haole Girl]

5. Verbal abuse is one reason I never had children

It is cyclical.

:hug:

[KG]

6. 'we're having beef stroganoff for dinner'

sorry, to hear these stories. my parents weren't like that. :(

[jobycom]

8. I remember the time we had Little Daddy for dinner.

He was a rooster we had named. For some reason my parents decided to cook him. Probably one of the steps in my becoming vegetarian decades later. :)

[jobycom]

7. Nothing I haven't forgiven.

Mine failed to encourage me in some areas, praised me too much in others. They didn't have good role models themselves, they did the best they could. Now they are older and in precarious health, and all of my decisions and choices in the long run have been mine.

Besides, I wasn't easy on them, either. :)

[Haole Girl]

20. This is a very healthy attitude

Jack Canfield said it best when he said (I hope I have this quote right), "It's not as if your parents woke up and their first thought in the morning was, 'How can I screw up my children's' lives'."

Well, most parents anyway.

[jobycom]

It took decades for me to develop it.

:) We fought over everything until my dad had his first stroke. After that the reality I knew would happen one day was suddenly right in my face, and none of it was important anymore.

[mitchum]

112. If you read the memoir Long Past Stopping by his son Oran...

you may suspect that is a very self-serving statement upon the part of Daddy Jack. I do.

[Kaleva]

33. Same here. Frankly, I deserved alot of the comments.

[woo me with science]

60. Wow.

What a great response.

[Mugu]

85. Hear, hear.

My folks were both human, but did their very best and I'm thankful for their efforts and sacrifices.

[Broken_Hero]

9. Most of the worse things came from my mother

as a matter of fact, I'm pretty certain 100% of it was from my mother.

"You embarrass me"

"Wish you were never born"

"I fucking hate you"

"I fucking hate you"

"You are so fucking stupid"


A lot of things.

[muffin1]

30. I think you may be my brother, petersond.

I heard very similar things.

"You're ugly"
"You're stupid"
"You'll never amount to anything"

On good days, she wasn't hitting me when she said them.



She's dead now - I'm not sad.

But look at us now! Fabulous, we are, fabulous!

;-)

[Broken_Hero]

32. Agreed,

usually she was hitting me, or bouncing my head off of things when she was saying these things. My mother is still alive, and we have come to an understanding of the issues of the past. To her credit, she hasn't been violent for over 20 yrs...

[muffin1]

34. I'm glad to hear that you and your mother are in a better place now.

Good for you both - I'm sure it wasn't an easy journey.:hug:

[tigereye]

106. oh, I am so sorry

:hug:

[soleft]

10. Does non verbal communication count?

The other day my mother broke down crying on the phone and said it was nothing, she was just being silly. Truth is, she's upset because I'm getting a civil union.

[EndersDame]

11. My mom told me at age 16 that I looked like a fat slut

Oh and I am and was a size 4/5

[Deep13]

12. Too many to count.

The worst of it was punctuating her cruelty with affirmations that she loved me as a mind control technique.

[BreweryYardRat]

84. I know exactly what you're talking about! I fucking HATE that!

It doesn't matter how much she says "I love you", it doesn't even matter if she means it, because she REFUSES TO CHANGE HER BEHAVIOR. (Verbal/emotional abuse.)

Hell, she refuses to even admit that there's a problem with her behavior. According to her, all the problems in our parent-offspring relationship are my fault.

Some of them are, but not the majority. (She did her best -- whether out of deliberate malice or misguided fucking stupidity -- to eradicate my self-esteem, render me incapable of normal social interaction/experiences, and dismiss my legitimate neuro-psych problems. Is it really such a surprise if I tend to react with hostility when she opens her hateful fucking yap nowadays?) Not by a long shot.

[AngryAmish]

13. This should be good

[FedUpWithIt All]

14. My mother used to be vicious, manipulative and dangerous. Lately, she is gentle, kind and concerned

She battles some addiction issues(a constant struggle at which she is currently succeeding)and has made a really huge effort to fix damaged relationships and old hurts. This is no small undertaking. My gratitude to her for this overwhelms me.

Parents too often do not realize, and certainly some DO realize, the power their words have to cut. Those cuts are formative and run brutally deep. I am a mother and i worry that the mistakes i make will have long term affects. I hope my vigilance about this will keep the issues at a minimum.

Your father was wrong to discount your interests like that. I wish you would try writing again. It might be healing.

[RushIsRot]

15. My mother responded to the question of my birth that I was a

"Happen so."

I wasn't planned. I was an accident. I wasn't particularly wanted, and I think she resented me until the day of her death.

[Sweet Freedom]

16. "I don't care what you do to your lungs"

My dad said this when I started smoking at age 12. It took me almost 25 years to quit.

[woo me with science]

17. Has another month passed already?

[proteus_lives]

43. I love Calvin and Hobbes.

So much truth.

[alphafemale]

83. I miss them. I have 3 of the books. nt

[alphafemale]

81. +++

Sure I've had hurtful things said to me over the years. Sometimes it was deserved and I learned from it, other times it was undeserved and coming from a person who was maybe angry and ill-equipped to deal with a flash-point issue in a healthy way. I learned from that too.

But, I really don't get this continually licking open wounds of things that happened ages ago.

"I'm not doing what I really want with my life because someone hurt my feelings when I was eight."


No, that's just an excuse.

[WillParkinson]

92. Cruel and hurtful things are never 'deserved'

And I'm very sorry that not all of us have developed a thick skin.

[alphafemale]

97. Hurtful is not always cruel.

Sometimes hurtful things need to be said and heard.

[Roon]

18. This is why they won't let "them" in the St.Patrick's day parade..

or something to that effect that she said when I came out to my Mother.

[unpossibles]

19. when my dad, after an argument said "I figured it out; you're fucking queer"

I refused to give him a straight answer (pun intended) and told him that I am his son and that it doesn't matter. As much as that moment sucked (I was pretty young but forget how old - late teens I think) it actually made us a lot closer after that. I didn't even blame him that much as his father (now deceased) was a first class bigot, and we're often the product of our environment and generation to some extent. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but if he was going to force the issue, then I wasn't going to back down, and I am glad I didn't looking back on it.

He's said other awful things before, but again I think he always meant well in some f'd up way. Usually he was the typical parent who had no idea how to be supportive for most things (other than music - as a fellow musician he's always been supportive at least).

[Kali]

21. more the things NOT said, in my case

[mnhtnbb]

22. I was 16. I was practicing to try out for cheerleader at my new high school

having been moved across the country from NJ to CA when 14--and first went to a private school for 2 years--
before being sent to a public school in another school district. My mother said, "if you spent as much
time on your studies as you do on that, maybe you'd amount to something."

Well, I was voted in as a cheerleader in a school where I'd only spent one year.

I went to UCLA and got a BS and an MPH.

My mother then told me that, well, I hope you'll be able to get a job as a secretary one day.

I became a hospital administrator.

My mother was the ultimate bitch.

[HipChick]

23. You are getting past your expiration date,no-one will ever want you if you can't have kids..

umm...It's not like I wanted any to begin with..

[ThomCat]

24. When I came out of the closet

"I've got one son that gets arrested and does drugs. I thought I had one son that would turn out okay, but instead he's got a problem that's even worse."

Yes, being gay is worse than being a drug abusing criminal. :grr:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

56. What a heartbreaking thing to say...

:hug::hug::hug:

[bluethruandthru]

25. When I was six....

"You're too fat for ballet lessons".

[ThomCat]

114. That's horrible.

:(

It's not true. It discourages a kid from doing something active and getting the exercise to take off some of that extra weight. And it's a horrible way to crush a kid's self esteem.

[hippywife]

26. Many, many things but

the one that sticks out and come first to mind is my mother saying...I can't have anything nice in this house because of you kids!

Like I said, there were many others.

ETA: I'm sorry you've never written again. Do you think you could be encourage to try again? :hug:

[undeterred]

27. My mother told me

that I gave my dog cancer. My beloved pet. She said he got cancer because I let him jump in the city fountains to cool off in the summer.

I went to great lengths to have him treated for the tumor, which was cured. He lived 8 years after he was cured of cancer.

At one point she apologized, but in the next sentence she told me it was my fault again. :banghead: Everything bad that happens is somebody's fault.

This was just a few years ago. The stuff parents say to you as an adult can be just as bad as when you're a child.

[kayakjohnny]

28. Damn, this is a very sad thread. I'm sorry to hear all of this.

I was fortunate that our family didn't have this kind of problem. We had plenty of other glitchy dysfunctionality. But the deliberate belittlement of myself and my brother and sister thankfully wasn't a part of it.

[RobinA]

29. Oh Boy!

I was in my 20's and going on a vacation with two of my girlfriends. She asked me didn't Sue have a boyfriend. When I said that she did my mother asked, "Well then why does she want to go on vacation with you?"

When I had just started dating this guy stood me up twice. The second time when it became clear he wasn't showing again I was walking around dressed to go out and trying not to act like I cared and she said, "Stood up again?" By the time I reached adulthood I was pretty convinced that all mothers had this urge to figuratively eat their young. I never had children, but I thank god that my sister made it a point NOT to be like our mother was. When her kids were very small I would from time to time hear my mother start to come out of my mouth when I was around them. I made a concerted effort to stop it and I did. And it didn't take very long to break the habit, just awareness.

[One Voice]

31. my "dad" said...

"You were found under a rock."

And I still feel that way approx. 40 yrs later.

[Mendocino]

35. My wife suffers from depression.

During a particularly bad time, my Dad said to me "Maybe it would be better for everyone if she kills herself."

[blue neen]

78. Oh my gosh.

That is heartbreaking. The weird thing is, your dad probably thought he was being supportive.

:cry:

[Mendocino]

89. He is cold and distant , unemotional,

ultraconservative and concerned only with money and how to keep it. He likely did think he was being supportive, in his view if something is a problem you just eliminate it.

[av8rdave]

36. I am so sorry for all who were hurt by their parents

This thread makes me realize how truly lucky I was when it comes to parents.

They did some things while I was growing up that I vowed I would not do when I had kids, and I have not done them. But they were pretty small potatoes compared to things described here.


That being said, I'm sure I've done my share of things that have made my kids say to themselves, "I'll NEVER do that when I have kids!"

[stray cat]

37. No one will ever love you and the only reason anyone hangs around you is

because they know they look good next to you.

[Blue_In_AK]

38. When I was a young hippie

(I'm an old one now), my father told me he thought maybe I needed to "talk to" somebody, implying that I was somehow crazy or something and needed to see a shrink. I ignored him. He got over it.

[Odin2005]

39. My mom told me something to the extent of dreamy idealism being a character flaw.

[LibDemAlways]

40. What my mom said/did to me wasn't bone-crushing or

spirit crushing like so much many here suffered, but it's been tough to abide by. She said, "Don't ever tell me anything bad that's going on in your life. I don't want to hear it." She meant it too. So I don't. I keep everything to myself - everything.

[raccoon]

52. Lots of parents, such as my mother, don't come out and say that, but

me and my sibs certainly got the covert message.

"She said, "Don't ever tell me anything bad that's going on in your life. I don't want to hear it.""

Not that it's ok for any parent to say it or imply it. :hug: :hug:

Some people just don't want to deal with something unpleasant or difficult. What's family for, if not to offer you support?

[undeterred]

100. We're supposed to do things that make them proud,

marry the rich and be successful, and bring home presents, not problems.

[Throd]

41. My friend's mother told him that she wished his father had "masturbated one more time...

...so that he would be nothing but sperm on the baseboard". It made me appreciate my own mom a lot more. My mom was overbearing at times, but she never said anything to me like THAT.

[AllenVanAllen]

42. I'll kill you.

That's pretty much the worst thing I can think of. :)

[proteus_lives]

44. Lots of things.

Sometimes growing up sucks. I used to really mad about it and that anger held me back in life. It was a long road and you've got to work on it.

I'm sorry you threw away your writing, you should start again. Now the only person holding you back is you.

[sakabatou]

45. I don't remember...

I think my older brother was harsher than my parents.

[MiddleFingerMom]

46. When my parents got a bunch of people together for an intervention...

.
... and told me that they had decided (WITHOUT WARNING!!!!!) that it
was time for me to stop breastfeeding.
.
What I had assumed (barely-stifled sob) was a gathering to celebrate
my 40th birthday turned out to be a NIGHTMARE!!!
.
.
.
.
(anguished yowl) MOMMY!!!!!!!
.

.

[Dora]

75. OMG. That's jaw-dropping.

Happy belated birthday.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

93. My mom probably wanted to do that.

My ex husband, my mom and my mother in law, all thought I was a pervert for nursing my baby until she weaned herself at 2 and a half years. In fact, my ex told a doctor that I "kept nursing the baby after I stopped producing milk" and he was corrected by the physician. That's one of the millions of reasons he's my ex.

I told them to STFU in so many words because NONE of them had nursed a baby (in the 50s that was not cool-formula was the thing).

My kid is VERY healthy and grown now.

[YankeyMCC]

47. "You are not my son"

from my mother after discussing my atheism.

[tilsammans]

48. I'd say this to you: You should write!

Your father's cruel words may have stifled a gifted writer. :hug:

[PeaceNikki]

49. I can't think of a single thing. Doesn't mean that nothing "bad" was ever said...

but I am lucky to have a nurturing,loving and forgiving family. The "bad" stuff we've all said to each other out of anger doesn't stick or resonate with me. At all. The support and love has and far outshines the bad stuff. In fact, I'd never waste a moment trying to come up with a single example of a bad thing they've said or done. And I'm pretty confident that they would feel the same.

[woo me with science]

59. Beautiful response.

Thank you for putting this here.

[PeaceNikki]

67. Thanks. And welcome.

And I swear I didn't write that just cuz mom's a DUer. It's 100% true. I am sure we've all said horrible, nasty, cringe-worthy stuff to each other... but I did not deposit any of it into a repository of memories. With all of the good and awesome stuff, there's simply no room for that nonsense.

[tilsammans]

50. "You have the fattest ass I've ever seen"

Thanks, Mom. As if my preteen self esteem wasn't already low enough.

[backwoodsbob]

51. when I was 17

at my highschool football game my father told me to stfu and quit annoying him...he said I needed to quit talking to him so much because I was a pain in the ass..we didnt speak for about 10 years

[Highway61]

53. When my mom told me that my dad cried

when I was born. He wanted a boy and they already had my two older sisters.
I was a little girl when she told me that but remember it like it was yesterday.

[peacefreak]

54. When I was in High School

my parents went to Evaluation Conferences for my brother & me. When they came home my father said I better get a job after High School because I wasn't smart enough to go to college so he wasn't going to waste any more money on me. After I married my then husband he said he should have sent me to college so I wouldn't have ended up married to that bum. Gee, thanks Dad.

[Courtesy Flush]

55. Mom said she'd have aborted me if she'd known in advance I had birth defects.

This despite the fact that I had become a productive, well-adjusted adult. My brother, with no birth defects, was a dopehead, deadbeat dad, sociopath with a long criminal record, whom she would not have aborted.

[Fire Walk With Me]

66. ...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[ThomCat]

115. I'm very sorry.

:(

:hug:

[Tom_Foolery]

57. It was when my mother told me that she had lung cancer...

She's gone now, and I miss her everyday.

She supported me in everything that I tried to do; and even though all my efforts to succeed in life have ended in failure, she was there for me.

[woo me with science]

58. I would give you a heart if I could.

Thank you for putting this here.

[pink-o]

113. Oh, God, are you my brother???

My mom died in 2007 of complications due to COPD. She smoked till she was 60, but the lung cancer got her 22 years later.

My mom was probably one of my best friends. I'm not "mainstream" or "conforming" and she ran interference with my Dad, telling him I should be allowed to be a "Free Spirit". She never judged me, she never told me I should be married with lots of kids, or on a career fast track. Visiting her was always a great event, we'd drink white wine, get maudlin, profess how lucky we were to have each other. I was totally the lucky one. I cherish every minute I spent with her.


She told me she was dying on my 52nd birthday, December 06. She stayed with us till just after New Year's '07, then slipped away without suffering. The best gift I can give her is to continue her legacy and live the fullest life I can.

I read what everyone else is saying about their parents, and it's just breaking my heart. It all seems so random: why would I get the good ones, and so many beautiful, brave folk here end up with the ones who made them suffer? I'm sorry, you guys, for all your horrible experiences. But it sounds like you've found the strength to channel it into the good, and for that I give kudos for your courage!

[skygazer]

61. "Don't ever darken my door again."

I was barely 18. Mom died when I was 14, dad was largely absent. While he was on vacation, I used his truck for the week. Didn't damage it, didn't hurt it, left it full of gas. Shouldn't have done it but I don't think it warranted being disowned.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

77. how awful

:hug:

[Rhythm]

62. "I don't know why you're bothering... you'll never amount to anything anyway"

This, among the many hurtful, hateful things that Mom said or did to me while growing up...
It was on the occasion of my registering for classes at the local community college. I had to pay for everything out-of-pocket as well, because i still lived with them, they made too much for me to qualify for any sort of financial aid, and they were unwilling to assist me with the expenses of a higher education.

Despite getting good grades, I dropped out after 2 quarters because i simply couldn't afford it on my own.

I went back to college at age 40, and have about 2-3 semesters before i'll graduate with BAs in English and Political Science.
On that day, if Mom is still alive, it will be all i can do not to call her and tell her that i did it all despite her.

[lightningandsnow]

63. "You're going to grow up and screw up your entire life."

[Grey]

64. My father was good at this sort of thing,

"Sit down and shut up, If I want something from you I'll rattle your chain"
" You're dumb, you're stupid and you don't know nothing"
" I should have give you away when I had the chance" Apparently the Doctor that delivered me offered adoption, My father was unhappy it was "just another damn girl".

I could go on but you get the drift. Cheers

[Fire Walk With Me]

65. "If you had any talent, it would have shown up by now."

That, and many similar, ad nauseum.

I was later involved pretty heavily in this international award-winning project:

http://www1.mipa-award.de/synth-hardware.htm

So who knows? :shrug:

[bookworm65t]

68. " I want you to be my little boy"

said numerous times by my dad. I have 5 younger sisters and didn't get my brother until I was 14. Before that happened however, he would keep my hair short and take my around to his friends and call me his little boy. Didn't do that shit to my sisters though.

:mad: Didn't say this around my mother. Nt sure why, since she could be real docile too.

[bookworm65t]

69. Listened to my sister put her son down weeks ago!!

Another family story that is recent and very irksome:

I was visiting my sister, her husband, and their 5 year old boy a few weeks ago. My nephew is high-end autistic and can be quite a handful. Long story short, he was jumping on a small trampoline and I began giving him many compliments:

"Aidan, you have a beautiful smile"
"You're really cute!"
"you are so clever!"
"You are the smartest kid I know"!

then my sister got after me for all this. Said I was swelling his head! :wtf:

I figure that Aidan will get negative criticism all his life; why should I bring him down? By my sister's reaction surprised me. WTF?

It may not be the worst story here, but why is she going down this road?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

70. they were pretty good to me, its my brother they came very close to destoying

[myrna minx]

71. self delete

[blue_roses_lib]

72. Once, when I was about 22 or so...

...and dad was in the middle of a dry drunk spell, he turned to my brother and said, "if you ever get get married _____, for godssake don't ever marry a woman like your sister. She's f*ing usless". Stuck with me in the eight years since.

[Bucky]

73. "No new pony for you till you order your butler to clean up after the last one we got you

They were so strict. No wonder I ran away as soon as I got my first Bentley.

[The empressof all]

74. Girls don't need to go to college.....

From my mother no less. My father was ok with me going to the local state "teachers" college because girls could be teachers or nurses and I should have something to fall back on since I probably couldn't find someone to marry me.

Ah.....the sixties......Good times....:hide:

[guitar man]

76. "you'll never be wirth a shit for anything"

Dad made a point of saying it just about every time he saw me. I spent a lot of my younger years trying to live up to his expectations lol.

[tabbycat31]

79. "your legs look like tree trunks"

I never wore shorts in public (except to the gym) again after that. 11 years later I still haven't.

[dysfunctional press]

80. i wouldn't know where to begin...

my father derided me my entire childhood, and my mother usually chimed in as well. when you grow up as an unattractive, overweight kid with a deformed hand- you don't get much affection outside the home, either.

overall...it tends to give one a bitter outlook on life and people.

here's one that sticks with me-

at 18, i was struck broadside on my motorcycle by a guy who ran a stopsign. i was thrown over the car and landed on my(helmeted) head and shoulder. i broke my collarbone and shoulderblade, and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. my parents came into the emergency room as they were starting to cut my clothes off of me to tend to the considerable road rash on my arms and legs...the first words out of my dad's mouth seared into my memory: "Great...who's gonna pay for all this?"

[nomorenomore08]

82. I got nothin'. If anything my folks were too damn nice to me.

And still are, for that matter. :P

I mean, my 23-year-old sister is the one with the salaried job and the nice apartment, while I'm the 25-year-old deadbeat wannabe writer. You'd think our parents would have something just *slightly* unkind to say about that...

Like I said, too damn nice.

[ChoralScholar]

86. I was an early-bloomer, learning wise, and I remember

I was trying to learn to write cursive at about age 4 or 5.

One night my mother and I were fussing about something completely unrelated, and she threw in, just because she needed the last word:

"And you can't write no cursive either... that garb you're doing's just connected print!"

It's not the worst thing she ever said to me, but it's the first thing I thought of.

[datasuspect]

87. "Daddy drinks because you cry"

[mycatfred]

88. The worst thing was from my dad. . .

I was 'virtual schooled', did my classes entirely online. One time I was sick with the stomach flu, and my dad was home. My mom was gone that day, and my dad was forcing me to do school, even though I was up all night throwing-up. I was feeling especially bad at the certain time, and just had my head on the desk. My dad saw this and started screaming at me.
"You don't want to get an education? Fine f**k it then, quit school. The world needs f**king whores and waitresses too,"
Of course, he gets on long rants and this was only a small part of what he said, but for some reason that has always stuck with me. And yes, I am new here, this is my first post.

[Orrex]

96. What a horrible thing to say!

How old were you at the time?


And welcome to DU, by the way!

[mycatfred]

98. Thanks for the welcome!

And I was twelve, in the eighth grade.

[Grey]

109. Hi, and welcome.

I can so totally relate to the nasty things that stick with us through time.

[Ikonoklast]

90. My mother uttered the Mother's Curse at me after being a little shit.

With an extended boney finger pointed directly at me she said "When you grow up, I hope that you have children JUST LIKE YOU!"


Jokes on you, Ma, all three did grow up to be just like me...and I love it.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

91. Took toys away from me and gave them to some other kid.

This happened three times that I remember when I was seven or eight.
One was a Dr. Seuss book, the other two were toys.

Nobody asked me what I thought.

Then a few years ago, in 2005, I was at a high school reunion party at a lady's house, out in her yard. She lives in a gated community on a large lake outside St. Louis. She decided to have one of those stupid white elephant gift exchanges. I hate them.

She provided all the presents in paper bags. So I went and got a bag, opened it up and found a little rabbit sculpture I liked.

Then the next round picked theirs. A woman got hers and it was a painted rock. They could grab someone else's object and trade for it. I of course had no say in the matter.

The woman with the painted rock gave me the painted rock, and grabbed my bunny.

I immediately put my head down and burst into tears like the world was ending, and I was ashamed of myself.
A man sitting next to me said, "Aww don't worry bout it".

After a couple of minutes of this torment, I went inside the woman's house and did my crying in there. The woman hostess thought I freaked out just to get attention. I was ashamed and really didn't know why I freaked out so badly. A couple of nice people tried to comfort me. I kept saying, "It's a really stupid game, I hate it, it brings out the greed in people".

Then about a year ago, I was reading a book about the two sides of the brain (My Stroke of Insight) and read about the side where memories are emotional and immediate. That's when it clicked, why I freaked out and started crying when the woman took my bunny sculpture away from me, and why I did not speak out. I assumed it was hopeless and went into little child mode.

[murielm99]

94. My mother has said so many cruel things to me over the years

that it is hard to isolate just one thing. My father, who allowed this and often echoed her sentiments, just chimed right in.

My mother's verbal and physical abuse have never stopped. I learned to set boundaries for her, since she cannot set them for herself. I call her once a month. If she tries to start an argument, I end the call. She used to call me repeatedly, and at odd hours. Now, she is not allowed to call me unless there is an emergency. If she calls, I will block her number.

I do not visit her at her home. Two years ago, she treated me very badly, and she nearly succeeded in attacking me physically. I will meet her and my dad at a neutral location, such as a restaurant. But I will meet her only if there is a group, such as my siblings, my children or other relatives. I cannot trust her to behave well. Also, she will accuse me of outrageous things if there are no witnesses.

She is eighty and I am sixty-one. My father is now in the early stages of dementia, so he is no longer her enabler. I believe she is mentally ill and will never change. When she dies, I will be sorry that things could not have been different.

[alphafemale]

99. My mom was a classic

One year when I called on Thanksgiving day she said really early in the conversation.

"Oh...by the way. Goldie died."

Goldie by the way was one of the sweetest dogs that ever lived. I hadn't been gone from home that many years yet, but I had a new baby of 8 months and had thought she would ask questions about her new grand-daughter.

"Goldie died."

"Oh...mom. When?"

"Probably about six-months ago."

"Six months? Why did you wait until now to tell me?"

(We'd talked at least once a week probably)

"I don't know. This seemed like a good time."

Yeah. Try to dampen the joy of my first T-day with my first child. Nice try. You FAILED!

:rofl:

[murielm99]

105. That is horrible.

I am glad she failed. You have every right to be hurt.

It is hard to learn, but we can never allow toxic parents to ruin our lives. My middle brother and I both learned through years of counseling and years of emotional pain and anger. We know that we are not bad or wrong all the time. Sometimes it is still hard to keep the lessons learned and the healthier ways of thinking in place.

When my youngest was born, my mother was not speaking to me. I called her anyway, to let her know that I had a new little girl. She was indifferent. She did not see my baby until she was almost two years old. She even avoided a family wedding (my cousin) in order to avoid me, when she found out my family was going.

A couple of years later, my dad tried to throw it at me that I had disagreed with my mother over some minor issue. I think it had to do with going somewhere with my brother's wife, whom she also treated like dirt. I reminded him that she had not spoken to me in over two years, and that they had never visited while my youngest was a baby. All he said was, "I know."

I know he had to live with her in some semblance of peace. But he sacrificed his three children in order to get that peace.

[alphafemale]

110. Looking back. It was probably my daughters second T-Day.

You reminded me that my mother probably wasn't yet speaking to me by my daughter's first T-Day.

It relates back to her need to always be the center of attention and ended with her pacing up and down the street wailing and bawling at the top of her lungs.

This, by the way, was on my first day back from the hospital when she was supposedly being there to help me out...

An incident, I might add, that rather freaked out the neighbors in our predominately black neighborhood.

But...ya'know. After the history of my life to that point with her I shoulda seen that one coming. :rofl:

[WileEcoyote]

95. "go out and get a job"

Or, "Go to your employer ( I had just quit as the place was dumping toxic waste into the river), apologize and ask for your job back".

Dad didn't mean any harm. He had survived the Great Depression and damn near starved to death.

[TK421]

101. "Sweetie...just crawl into that corner and listen to the man with the lab coat and notepad" n/t

[Nikia]

102. "You ruined my life by being born so you owe me"

My mother said this to me when I was considering moving in with my dad as a teen. Ironically, I think that rather than ruining her life that I provided inspiration for her to strive to be successful. She had to prove her father who said that by having me she was going to end up on welfare abd amount to nothing. When she made that statement to me,she had 2 Master's degrees at the time and a high level administration job at a college. If anything was ruining her life at the time, it was her marriage to her second husband, who was absolutely horrible to my sister and I.

[Tikki]

103. "You be good or I'll boil you in oil"...

when I was little, I didn't get it...as I got older I cleared my way out of that house quickly. :( :D


Tikki

[Inspired]

104. self deleted

[quiet.american]

107. My mom and I are very close. But one time, she said to me....

"I had put together a Hope Chest for the day when I would get married. But then you came along... so....."

I had to pretend that hadn't hit me like a sack of bricks in the stomach.

[donheld]

108. Made me listen to Hell fire & brimstone preaching for 18 years.

[ThomCat]

116. That is definitely abuse.

Forcing people to listen to demeaning, insulting lectures, and threats of endless punishment, with the message that you are inherently evil, presented in the irrational context of a book of ancient stories and myths that were poorly cobbled together... :(

How many kids have been subjected to this kind of bullshit?

[Forkboy]

111. "You're nothing more than the family dog."

Listen, Dad, if I can't have the sled just say so....