Wisdom needed.

[Writer]

Hey.

Last fall, my sister got very ugly with me on Facebook (note: She's 46, and I'm 34). She became sarcastic and ridiculing because of something I had posted. Instead of confronting her, I decided simply to delete her postings, which made her even uglier. My husband even posted something in my defense that wasn't very confrontational, but explanatory. It didn't help. I finally told her that her behavior wasn't acceptable, in so many words, and that it was in my right to delete ugly messages to me. She de-friended both my husband and myself. It was extremely petty and rude. And, quite frankly, childish for a 46 year-old woman.

The only real wise head in my family is my dad, so I spoke to him for a while about the situation, and asked him advice on how to handle my sister. He revealed to me some thoughts he had about her temperament, which I shouldn't repeat to other members of my family. In a nutshell, he said that she can be quite mean at times, but suggested that I try to play her off "lightly" by writing her a friendly, sort of jocular note, asking her "Did you really kick your li'l sis off Facebook?" and so forth. I did so, and she responded by literally telling me to "go fuck yourself," and to stop emailing her.

So... that was some months ago. Not a word for months... not even an apology or at least an acknowledgment of how terrible the interaction was. I did leave Christmas presents for her at my mom's house when I visited my mom (my sister and her family were out of town), and she had left gifts for me. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my office at school, and I got a text message from her, thanking me for Christmas gifts - the wrong gifts, I might add - but to be honest, I really didn't know how to talk to her. I never sent her a text message back.

As I always tell folks, I'm busy busy busy during the school year, but I wonder if I should ever confront my sister. Seriously - she was awful to me, but why de-friend my husband? What exactly did HE do wrong? And without any word from her on this situation, it's very difficult for me to consider writing her a note. Yes, there's a lot of history here with her being ugly, but her taking this out on my husband really crossed a line for me.

Honestly, I wonder if this is all up to her. She told me not to email her again after her despicable behavior. She also seems unapologetic. To be honest, I just don't have time in my life for this kind of negativity, and I would never ask my dad to get in between a fight between his daughters. That doesn't seem right to me. However, now and then I do remember what happened, and how she behaved, and realized that another month has gone by without a word of acknowledgment from her. What gives? And should I do anything at all?

[Writer]

1. Hello.

I'm kicking this. If there's anyone who can offer a wise word or two, I'd much appreciate it.

[Gore1FL]

2. The worst outcome of forgiving her is that it won't work

and you'll be back were you are. Forgiving is easier than holding a grudge. You can have her as a sister while not having her as a Facebook friend. Life is too short to keep separated and not doing anything.

So here is my advice, for what it is worth.

Write her a letter about some good/funny event that happened to you and tell her about it and how it made you think of her and some childhood memory. Don;t mention facebook, don;t mention the fight, etc.

Sum it up with the fact that you hope things are going well for her.


If you don't like that one, try this:

Go out and by something really odd. It could be refrigerator magnets, Christmas ornaments--it doesn't matter and send it with a not that says "I saw these and immediately thought of you." She will call just trying to figure out why. Granted this is a little deviously mind-fucking, but it is an option if the other doesn't sound al that appealing.


Ultimately, Don't lose your sister--even if it is her fault.