Comma assistance (Yes, yes. We all know that this will yield "Coma assistance copycats)

[Orrex]

I've been asked to read someone's story and give feedback, but I'm psyching myself out about a comma rule. Here's a relevant excerpt:

“Brandon’s been attacked!” Bob yelled effortlessly kicking in the back door from the screened-in porch.

It seems to me that there should be a comma between "yelled" and "effortlessly." At least, if I were writing the story, I'd put one there. However, the writer makes repeated use of this type of construction, and she never uses the comma.

What do you suggest?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. ... yelled while effortlessly ...

:shrug:

[Orrex]

3. Good suggestion, but I don't think she'd go for it.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

then it needs a comma, me thinks

I hate editing for that very reason. Why did she even bother asking if she is not going to be open to critique?

[Orrex]

11. It isn't that she's not open to critique per se...

but she posted it in a writers' forum, and she's already received some glowing (and IMO unhelpful) feedback about the story.

Actually, the story itself isn't bad, but the writing has some glaring weak spots.

[Gore1FL]

13. or "as he effortlessly"

I don't think a comma makes it make sense and more than a lack of a comma. It is a run-on sentence.

[Orrex]

14. I don't think it's a run-on sentence in any case.

It's an independent clause and a dependent clause, no?

[Gore1FL]

24. fair enough n/t

[Orrex]

26. Don't you take that tone with me, mister.

We'll fight right here, Valentine's Day or not!!!!!!!!!!!!1!

:grr::mad::grr::mad::grr::mad::grr::mad::grr:

[Xipe Totec]

17. That's just using a five letter word substitute for the coma

Good face saving move, but the fact is, there is a coma missing.

[Orrex]

18. mm

[Tuesday Afternoon]

19. Nevertheless, I'm pulling for Brandon.

Screw Bob and his effortless yelling. I want some passion in my screaming.

[Orrex]

20. That's so hot.

I won't say what Bob and Brandon are up to, exactly, but just a few lines later, James "stormed out of his room and down the stairs."

[Tuesday Afternoon]

21. goodie

a threesome :)

[Rhiannon12866]

25. +1

That would be my suggestion, too... :-)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Orrex!

I'd put the comma in too...

Do it!

Otherwise, it looks as though he's yelling effortlessly!

[Orrex]

7. That was my thought as well!

I hope to explain to her that her phrasing doesn't convey the image that I think she wants it to convey...

[Kali]

4. but what if it was the yelling that was effortless?

:P

[Orrex]

8. And to think, I gave you those seven hearts.

You call this gratitude?

[begin_within]

5. I think that just depends on what Bob did effortlessly.

If you place the comma before the word effortlessly, then he kicked effortlessly. If you place the comma after the word effortlessly, then he yelled effortlessly.

[Orrex]

9. Maybe that's how I'll explain it to her.

I'm just about certain that the kicking is supposed to be effortless, rather than the yelling.

Certainly the reading takes a good deal of effort.

[nolabear]

6. She's wrong every time. You're right.

Unless he yelled effortlessly, kicking in the back door... That's why you need it. The reader whouldn't have to work too hard to know which one it is.

[Orrex]

10. Your subject line is actually a close paraphrase of my personal motto!

Thanks for the feedback!

[Dr. Strange]

12. If it were me, I would write it like this.

“Brandon’s been attacked!” Bob yelled, effortlessly kicking in the oval back door from the screened-in elfin porch.

[Orrex]

15. Did you ever receive my Christmas present, by the way?

[Captain Hilts]

16. Yes. There needs to be a comma, or a word. nt

[Capn Sunshine]

22. OK, I'm ready for coma assistance now

bring it on

[KT2000]

23. Be tough - it needs commas

I read Plainsong by Kent Haruf. He decided not to use quotation marks. It was infuriating. Kept having to reread things to get the meaning.
A cutesy affectation if you ask me.
She needs your help.