My good friend Sallie

[Orrex]

When I had the misfortune of seeing my student loan go into default a few years ago, I had to call that evil company to see how many of my children they'd need to impound.

The asshole who answered the phone greeted me with the following: "Good afternoon, my name is Brian. Are you calling to pay the outstanding balance of $24,564.28 today?"


Fuck you, Brian. You can see on your goddamn screen that I'm in default, and the default didn't result from the $25K I keep stuffed in my mattress.

I was so angry at Brian that I actually reached all the way through phone line and down his throat, so that I could pull out his large intestine and strangle him with it.


Long story short, I was still in default, but at least I didn't have to deal with Brian's smug bullshit anymore.