Some stuff some people from the olden days said....

[WCGreen]

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea.. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield



Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields



We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill


Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal



And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.

[kayakjohnny]

1. Awesome!

Great collection.

Thanks.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Those are rules for good living!

:rofl:

[velvet]

3. Thank you

In the old folks' home where I work there's a white board in the dining-room where we list the day's activities and meal menu, plus a thought for the day. I'm always on the lookout for good material for the latter. They're gonna love the cardiologist's diet.

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Great batch!

:D

[RushIsRot]

6. Who you callin' a Batch!?

:+

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. ...

:P

[GoneOffShore]

5. Here's another - Courtesy of WC Fields

"Always drink gin instead of vodka. That way people know you're drunk and not stupid."

[WCGreen]

8. That's a great one...

[Captain Hilts]

9. Eleanor Roosevelt NEVER said that. nt