Post the PUNCHLINE ONLY to your favorite dirty jokes!

[Bicoastal]

Like so:

"Okay...where's that lady with the toothache?"

[edbermac]

1. "To get to the other side"

[MrCoffee]

2. "If you two are right," she sobbed, "I'm going to have puppies!"

[Rambis]

3. One is a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a dirigible

:toast:

[Swede]

4. Because he was stuck to the chicken.

:toast:

[Iggo]

5. "Hello, big lady."

[Iggo]

6. .

:hi:

[XemaSab]

7. My ass is still sore

:o

[mitchum]

8. "Me too, mine is as big as a house!"

[gmoney]

9. "You think YOU'RE Thor? I couldn't thit down for a WEEK!"

[Ron Green]

10. "You'll have to point it out to me, Lady. All these Japanese cars

look alike to me."

[foxfeet]

11. Bent it, hell; I BROKE it!

[Dr. Strange]

12. I don't know who those two are, but that one in the middle is Lanny McDonald.

[Brickbat]

13. It was pissed off.

[progressoid]

14. The Doctor says "no, the balls will cover your eyes".

[namahage]

15. THE ARISTOCRATS!

[lunatica]

55. Ditto. The Aristocrats

I laughed so damn hard I was bent over sideways from the pain in my side. I had to work to catch my breath so I could keep laughing. I think I turned a purple color or something.

[MajorChode]

16. ...if the ASS business doesn't pick up soon, I'm going to lose my FURNITURE

[Deep13]

17. Here's a few:

"Wowsy."

"Look at those damn, fucking clouds."

"Can I rinse my mouth before she sticks her ass in the water?"

"First I told him my dick was bigger, then I showed him."

"Do you think I want a twelve inch pianist?"

[LynneSin]

18. eats bushes and leaves

:D

[seabeyond]

19. so i bucked one and tim bucked two

[TheMightyFavog]

20. "Your first problem is that your stance is too wide."

Old golf joke...

[MilesColtrane]

21. "You don't understand", he sobbed. "Chunks is the name of my dog!"

[PVnRT]

22. If these are my anal beads, what did I do with that Higgs boson?

[Rambis]

23. I got chunks of guys like you, in my stool!

[MiddleFingerMom]

24. Three of them:

.
So... what are you doing for lunch tomorrow?
.
Wrecked 'im, hell! IT FUCKED 'IM UP!!!
.
Deep, too!!
.

[Terry in Austin]

25. "37"

[mcctatas]

26. No mon, it says "Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day"

:evilgrin:

[SoCalDem]

27. "What you mean, wrong hole?"

from a joke told to me by a 78 year old woman:rofl:

[nolabear]

29. I cannot believe anyone but me knows that joke! Please ms me the phrase cuz I forgot it!

[Dr Morbius]

28. Well, remember how you got voted Mayor?

15,000 calories.

Lady, this just ain't your day.

Well, Sister Matilda doesn't like that sort of thing.

Well, I guess we could EAT one...

[Robb]

30. "Rectum? Damn near KILLED 'em!"

[unpossibles]

68. love that one. nt

[nolabear]

31. "I thought you were saying 'Fuck or drown!'"

[applegrove]

32. Only 700 women went down on the Titanic.

[NoPasaran]

33. "Twenty-five dollars, Father. Same as downtown."

[rug]

34. "Where is it?"

[triguy46]

35. "If screwing a woman is anything like screwing a kangaroo....

we're going to need all the room we can get."

[triguy46]

36. "Mom is inside weighing the postman."

[triguy46]

37. "Honey, I'm not the bride, I'm just the bridesmaid."

[azmouse]

38. Why do you ask, TwoDogsFucking?

[rurallib]

39. "The rest of us put a saddle on the camel and ride it to town!"

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

40. Well, if he gets out of that, we'll call him Houdini.

[Tom_Foolery]

41. Walk out? Hell, let's find my car; and we'll drive out.

[Roon]

42. Send down some more ears of that hot buttered corn! eom

[MrScorpio]

43. Kermit's finger

[Bucky]

46. Did Billy D teach you nothing?

It's two fingers. Minimum.

[Sabriel]

44. "OK, this time, YOU hold down the pigeon and I'LL crap on it!"

[Bucky]

45. And then the doctor says, "What are you trying to do, gross me out?"

Trust me, you do NOT want to hear this joke.

[LostInAnomie]

47. "Oh... I peeled the scabs off."

[abq e streeter]

48. 2: Yes, but that guy has way better health insurance... and...One's a Goodyear, one's a great year.

[PassingFair]

49. "I said POSSE, Tonto!"

[Brother Buzz]

50. Because their peckers are on their faces

[laststeamtrain]

51. "My eyes, they're not so good anymore."

Bonus punchline:

"Hello, mom?"

[namahage]

52. "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

[guitar man]

70. !!!

one of my favorites!! :rofl:

[csziggy]

53. "They will never let us eat in Howard Johnsons again."

Frankly, I don't remember the joke for that one but the punchline has been a favorite of mine for years.

My second favorite punchline is "Charged with transporting young gulls over sedate lions for immoral porpoises." The joke it is from is a horribly contrive series of puns and actually sucks.

[SidDithers]

54. "She's not insane. She's fucking Goofy!"...nt

Sid

[Blue_Tires]

56. "She's in the back room making Johnnie Walker red"

[Blue_Tires]

57. Tiger Woods is on TV with something long, hard and flexible in his hands

[sarge43]

58. "Or we could walk down and fuck 'em all."

[sarge43]

75. The rest of the joke

Old bull and young bull watch farmer herd the cows into pasture. Youngin' says, "Hey Dad, look at all the beautiful cows. Hey ya know, we could run down there and fuck one of them." Old bull takes a mouthful of grass, chews thoughtfully and then says, "Yes, we could do that or ...."

[Tom_Foolery]

59. I'm just having a beer with my son-in-law. n/t

[bif]

60. So they kicked me out of the KFC!

[MicaelS]

61. You're a mean drunk, Superman. n/t

[Lance_Boyle]

62. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin."

[brendan120678]

63. And then, the third nun fainted!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
:rofl:

[hibbing]

64. "She came back with a big red snapper"

Hi,
Silly and stupid joke, but it always makes me smile.

Peace

[EFerrari]

65. "They all did."

[foxfeet]

66. "Well, he put one hand on my right shoulder and one hand on my left shoulder and

no...wait...one hand on my right shoulder and one hand on my left...GOD DAMN HIM!"

[Happyhippychick]

67. "I'm fucking her"

[TheDebbieDee]

69. And the doctor said, "It's blind, too!"

[guitar man]

71. Dammit!!

I forgot I was riding 'ol bessie!! :D


edit to add:

"What are you two laughing at? Lefty's picking watermelons!!"

[MrSlayer]

72. "Getting the blood off of your clown suit"

[ScreamingMeemie]

73. "I said she has ACUTE ANGINA!"

[Duer 157099]

74. OK, *now* all of you need to reply to your own posts with the rest of the joke

I want to see how many actually have real jokes to go with those punchlines!

[Crabby Appleton]

76. because Thursday is your turn in the barrel.

[cemaphonic]

77. "Oh, man, they got my girl too!"

[IntravenousDemilo]

78. "She must be full."

[MajorChode]

79. No, let's walk down and fuck 'em all

[MajorChode]

80. You told me how old you were yesterday

[MajorChode]

81. My husband said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar"

[cloudbase]

82. Must be the cobblestones.

[Orsino]

83. So the bartender said, "May I push in your stool?"

Saw it again last night in the new Sherlock Holmes, and I can't remember the joke that goes with it.

[Beer Snob-50]

84. how much is a brazillian?

[Recovered Repug]

85. 1. Did Sam stop by with the $500 he owed me?

2. If I time it right, I'll save you $5,000.

3. When that happens, I'll be here at 7:30.

[Yavin4]

86. "You Fuck Like A Chinaman"

Bonus points for the people who know where that came from.

[Ikonoklast]

87. "...and when I pulled my hand back out, I had *two* watches on my wrist!"

[jakefrep]

88. "...lastly, never EVER refer to the Blessed Virgin Mary as "Mary with the Cherry""

[kimmerspixelated]

89. No, I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!