Self doubt

[Tobin S.]

I guess a little bit of self doubt is healthy. It'll keep you on your toes and keep you from getting cocky. But self doubt to the point that it undermines self confidence is another story and not at all healthy.

That's the main thing that has dogged me my entire life: low self confidence. Some people find that odd considering what I do for a living, and behind the wheel of a truck is where I feel most confident. I can manage any kind of load in any kind of driving conditions, and do it safely. However, there is no other aspect of my life where I feel that sure of myself.

I've told people about this before and they don't understand why the confidence that I have in my work doesn't affect my confidence in other areas of my life. I know what it feels like to be confident, why can't I hold onto it? I guess it just doesn't work that way.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Tobin...

I hear you...

I have this too, believe it or not. I may look confident, and mostly I am, but there are times when I can hardly see my way clear.

It sure as hell does not translate from one area of life to another. No idea why, either...

I do find that being tired makes it worse...

Also, I find that helping someone else feel better is a big confidence-booster...

:hug:

[Tobin S.]

2. Not open-mic-poetry-night Peggy!

:)

That's the way it is, though. You can feel right at home doing something that most people wouldn't consider, but out of your element doing something that a lot of people easily master.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Nope, no open mic tonight...

Is that what you meant by your sentence in the subject line?

[Tobin S.]

4. No. I meant that doing your open mic poetry thing requires confidence

More than most people have for such an activity.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Ah, I see...

True, it does. I was pretty nervous for awhile, and then I got the hang of it.

Some things still fluster me...

Thanks for clarifying!

[Heidi]

5. I wish

you could see yourself as so many of us see you and enjoy yourself as so many of us enjoy you, Tobin. :hug:

[Tobin S.]

7. Thank you, Heidi

:hug:

I think I've gotten a better over the last 7 years or so, but progress is slow and there are set-backs. I try to tell myself that I cause myself undo stress. I have a harder time living with me than anyone else does. :)

[bluesbassman]

8. Fortunately self confidence is something that can be developed.

The first time I ever walked onto a stage, I shook so bad I could barely play. The first time I had to sing, I was physically sick before I went on. Both times I sucked and my self doubt of my abilities told me to never do it again. I did though, and every time I got on stage I got a little better and more confident.

You probably had similar experiences the first time you got behind the wheel, the first time you drove in poor weather and so on. But by repetition you got better and more confident.

You might want to try challenging yourself to do things your not confident at and just know going in you may bomb the first time or two, but if you keep at it you can get better.

Hope that helps. :pals:

[Tobin S.]

9. Thanks. I think that does help.

:thumbsup:

[MissHoneychurch]

10. I know what you mean

when it comes to my work I am confident as I know what I am doing.

When it comes to relationships .... my self confidence goes into hiding.

[Tobin S.]

11. I'm the same way about relationships, but

it goes beyond that for me to any kind of interpersonal communication. I have a hard time making new friends and holding on to old ones as well. I sometimes have a hard time telling people who are close to me how I really feel. I don't stick up for myself sometimes. I guess I used to be a door mat, but I've got a little more self respect than that now days.

Who knows, MissH? Maybe we all have this problem from time to time. It feels worse though when it affects our personal lives.