If you can't be with the one you love, honey

[dolo amber]

love the one you're with...

For the purposes of this poll *the one you love* is not your SO who's out of town, but someone you can never have.

[NightTrain]

1. Do you mean, use some woman I don't care about as little more...

...than a receptacle for my semen? If so, then I would have to answer an emphatic, "Sure!"

Err...I mean, "no." Sorry....

[dolo amber]

2. Well, no

I mean more as in "would you settle"....

[liberalhistorian]

7. LOL!

Nice save there, Dean!

If you're only with someone because you can't have the one you REALLY want and love, then that's not fair to either yourself or the person you're with, especially if they love you. I think it's better to be alone than with someone just because they're there and you can't have the one you really want and love.

[NightTrain]

10. To quote one of the truly great 20th-century philosophers:

If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby.
If I can't have you
Whoa-oh-oh!

Words to live by, dammit!

[terrya]

3. If I can't be with Doug, I want to be alone.

After you've known perfection (like I know with Doug), it's impossible to settle for anyone.

Terry

[camero]

4. Well, there's 4 that say

Any port in a storm. :) If the one you love is one you can't have, maybe the one you're with is.

[Lizz612]

5. You make you're own love and agony

If you know you're not going to get someone, move on. Don't wallow in it, its just not healthy.

[Misinformed01]

6. no, no, hell no, a thousand times no

any questions?

[MissMarple]

8. The "one you love". Oh, please.

The ONE?. Someone has been reading too many romantic novels.

:D

[Nikia]

9. Yes

Some people are unattainable for whatever reason: they are already in a relationship, they are not interested in a committed relationship for a while or maybe ever, they are not attracted to you, or do not think that you would be compatible with them for a long term relationship. When I was younger, I did love some unattainable people who I knew. I got over them eventually.
There usually isn't just one person who you can love. It ranges more like 1 out of 20 to 1 out of 100. You just have to stop fixating on your unattainable person and be open to loving others.
I am actually glad that I I am married to my husband rather than my high achieving academic friend who I loved before I dated my husband. I am with someone better for me. I would have never dumped my husband even if my former crush did decide that he wanted to date me and would have had no regrets.
On the otherhand, my coworker had previously had an affair with a guy who was getting married to his pregnant girlfriend. She decided to date other people. She ended getting married and had a one night stand with this guy during her marriage. A few years later, this man, who has been divorced for a while, tells her that he finally wants to be with her. A few days later, she leaves her husband because she has always loved this other man.
I say be open to loving other people. If you are going to fixate on this other person though and leave the person you "settle with" if the unattainable changes his/her mind sometime in the future, maybe you shouldn't pretend to committ yourself to someone else.

[dolo amber]

11. I should probably clarify

that this is just a general "what if" scenario, and isn't really relevant to me, per se. :)

(To be honest, it's *for a friend* (YES, FOR A FRIEND, GODDAMMIT!!! :P))

BTW, excellent answer, Nikia. :hi:

[liberalhistorian]

12. I really hope it IS

"for a friend", because we'd hate to see something happen to the first couple to actually get engaged online right here on DU, lol!

[tigereye]

13. for some reason this poll is very funny

and the answers!

Interesting and enlightening question, esp if one's so is nearby. It is fun to ponder.. but no.

[SarahB]

14. No

It's not fair to the one you're with. They deserve happiness too. They don't deserve a person pretending like they're happy when they're not. They don't deserve to have another person out there, who, with a word, could destroy their relationship.
It's better to pick C.) if the one your with is not "the one" and perhaps the one who you thought was "the one" is not available, find a way to rebuild yourself and if the "the one" is "the one", it will be down the road. If not, perhaps the one who is truly "THEE One" will come into your life. I hope this makes some sense.

[camero]

15. But what if

The one you're with actually turns out to be "the one". Would it be worth it to take the risk instead of pining for what you can't have?

[SarahB]

16. Perhaps

I mean if the one you're with is a new relationship and you honestly don't know yet, sure, it's worth the risk. I speak from the frame of reference of knowing for a very long time that the one your with is most definately not "the one" and no longer settling for that.

[camero]

17. That situation I would say no

but there are times where you don't really know until you try. My philosophy about it is that what we call love is more trial and error and not inherently instinctual. If that makes sense. :)

[SarahB]

18. I agree

Chemistry means nothing without shared values and personalities that mesh well. Having all of that at once can be quite elusive in life. Sometimes it takes a lot of experiences and even pain to know yourself enough to understand what that can mean and what you want with another person.

[camero]

19. That's a great way of putting it.

I wish it hadn't taken me so long to find that out. Such is life.
I had to learn the hard way.

[SarahB]

21. Sometimes we all do and it's not easy.

:hug:

[camero]

23. Thank you SarahBelle

:hug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. ...Love someone who's rich, yeah, love someone who's rich!

:evilgrin:

[fortyfeetunder]

22. Unattainable love is realistic and expected...

Just like $**t, it happens. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

[Jim__]

24. Love the one you're with

If the one you love is someone you can never have; then, you need to get a life. Love the one you're with. You'll find love.

Your question would have been much tougher if it was about your SO is out of town. What if that's true and you really need some lovin' tonight?

[Whitacre D_WI]

25. My God, that's a horrible song.

I mean, really. dolo amber, I am shocked, SHOCKED! that you would quote Stephen Stills in this poor refuge I call the D.U. I mean, "Lost in Translation" was just viewed (by me) on the television last night (the pay-per-view thingy), and there was all this lovely K. Shields music and now I come to the Lounge and am presented with STEPHEN FUCKING STILLS.

I shall have to run away now and never return to DU again; or, failing that, I'll have a cigarette and be right back because I'm an addict (but is the addiction in question DU or nicotine -- such questions haunt the Funky Prophet on Sunday morning).

Watch out, the world's behind you,
There's always someone around you
Who will call. It's nothing at all.

HA! I have foiled your nefarious plot! It is not Stephen Still wormed into my brain, it is the Velvet Underground. I have emerged victorious!

[dolo amber]

26. It really is a pretty atrocious song

Please accept my apologies...:cry:

It was just the easiest way to sum up the question w/o going into detail. ;)

And be happy you have a VU earworm, I had Hall and Oates "One on One" in my head upon greeting the morn'...:scared:

[NightTrain]

27. The Isley Brothers did a great version of "Love The One You're With."

I swear, those guys could make a shopping list sound funky!