SERIOUS ONLY. I want to plan my funeral. Looking for input.

[tblue]

Just had a death of an in-law. She was not an old woman, and I was surprised that she had paid for a burial plot many years ago. The family still had to choose things like a casket and funeral home. It was awful and so heartbreaking for her husband. So I want to make my plans now.

I know a few things for sure:

1) I want to be cremated.
2) I don't have a preference or need for any religious service, except maybe something spiritual.
3) I don't want my family to have to make decisions for my funeral that I should have made ahead of time and
4) I don't want my family to have to pay for it.

My dad planned and paid for his and my mom's burial and everything that would happen after his death. When he passed away, I realized how incredibly generous and loving this was on his part. I am still relatively young and healthy, and I'd rather make these decisions now while nothing is imminent.

Have any of you planned yours? And do you have any suggestions or ideas? I'm open to something cool and unusual, because I am anything but "usual."

xoxox and thanks!

[Kaleva]

1. self delete. My response didn't meet your serious reply only standard

[ThomasQED]

2. Check the library and online

for the practical and legal stuff. Then think about who YOU are and how you'd want the funeral to go, and add details to make it your own.

[Zadoc]

3. Consider cryogenics - nt

[Submariner]

4. Be part of an artificial reef - Be a Reef Ball

Have your cremated remains mixed with cement and molded into a reef ball that will be overgrown with coral and provide fish habitat.

http://reefbuilders.com/2010/04/15/reef-ball-cemetery-burial-at-sea/

[Dem2theMax]

5. My parents made all of their plans some years back.

So far, we haven't had to use them. Mom and Dad are 92 and 90! They will both be cremated when they pass.
They went with a company called The Trident Society.
Everything is paid for, we literally have the urns in the closet, the only thing left to do is cry when the time comes.
Seriously.
Both parents served in WWII, so they get free burial in a military cemetery. I'm the one who has to make plans.

Trident was very nice to work with. They came to our home, answered all of our questions, put up with our horrible (we think 'funny') sense of black humor, and everything was worked out in one afternoon. (We did almost scare the woman out of the house when I asked my Mom VERY seriously, "Mom, do you want to be regular or extra crispy?") Dad and I almost had to leave the room, we were laughing so hard. We all have cards that we carry with us, and should something happen, we call Trident and they take over. The only thing other than that phone call is that I would have to go and pick up the ashes and take them to the cemetery for burial. And the cemetery does the rest. Trident has two plans, depending on whether you travel a lot or stay in the same area. My folks, being the age they are, they don't go anywhere that isn't local, so they got the 'local only' plan.
If you travel a lot, they have a plan that works like this; if you die out of state, THEY pay for all costs to get your body back to your home state and their facilities. Otherwise, if you just have the 'local' plan, (as I call it,) your family would be responsible for getting your body back home.

As for the rest of it, for any type of ceremony, do you want your ashes to be buried or scattered? Start thinking about what feels peaceful to you. I had an aunt who was also in the military and we swore up and down that she would want to be buried in a military cemetery.
Lo and behold, when she died last November, she had changed her mind. She wanted to be cremated and have her ashes scattered at sea, near a local lighthouse. She LOVED lighthouses, and when she painted, that was her favorite subject to paint. Lucky for her, her oldest daughter was able to afford to rent a boat for the entire family to be there for the scattering of the ashes. They said it was lovely, other than the fact that EVERYONE on the boat got seasick. (My aunt had a wonderful sense of humor, so it just fit.)

I say search your soul for what feels peaceful to you, what touches your heart. If it comes from what you feel, it will be easier to figure out what is right for you, and it will help your family and friends when your time comes. Knowing that they are doing what YOU wanted, it helps the living to deal with the death of a loved one. Pick out favorite poems or write a funny story to have someone read. These are all really 'normal' things to do.

As for the cool or unusual, how about fireworks? This is something I have thought of doing for myself. I have always wanted to go into space and this, barring any sudden invites from NASA, would be the only way I'd be able to do it. This is just one of many companies that do this sort of thing.

http://www.angels-flight.net/

Whatever you do, make sure you have someone write a full obituary, with every family name they can think of, get it into every newspaper you can think of, put a memorial headstone somewhere - because some day, some nut like me is going to come looking for you and darn it, we will want to be able to find you.
Who are we? Genealogy addicts. ;-)

Edited to change the link. The original one was for the UK. Ooops. LOL.

[grilled onions]

6. Make A List

Favorite friends that you would want to celebrate your life...Perhaps a favorite place they could meet which could be a special hang out,a library,park etc. Special music. Do you have special books? Have friends purchase them and donate to a library in your name. Do you want a green passing? Find out the best places that use the least resources. Have friends and family plant flowers,trees in your memory. Do you plan on sharing your body(I.e. donor). Do you want to donate your body to a medical school for example or maybe just eye,skin etc) All this takes time and with the law being what it is you have to make sure every decision is written down and notarized. I have seen where a person promises to give a special keepsake to a close friend but when the time comes greedy family members never follow the instructions and close friends get nothing. Give special keepsakes ahead of time or try to make sure those instructions are given to someone you can trust to do that. Any cash or items promised to a charity for example should also be given this way. Take nothing to chance. I have seen where even in writing wants cremation but never gets it because the family members didn't want it.
Doing things this way gives you the luxury of time,you get to make the choices and it's much easier for everyone involved.

[spinbaby]

7. It's a very kind thing to do

Any funeral home can help you out. My mother has left me a folder with explicit instructions and it makes me feel good that, when the time comes, I'll know what to do.

[struggle4progress]

8. I know some folks who have arranged to donate their corpses for medical research.

All the paper work filled out and filed with the recipient institution. They've also written their funeral services: short, simple, eulogy-free, expressing their values

I went to a funeral last week. It took maybe twenty or twenty-five minutes. The family picked "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed" as a reading

What do you want to say on your way out?

[NNN0LHI]

9. A religious service isn't for the deceased. Its for the living. The dead guy/gal won't hear it

I have already contacted a preacher from this area who I want to preside over my funeral. If he outlives me that is? He is great. He is a legend around here.

I am not religious at all but many of my friends and relatives are so its them I am thinking about.

I at least want someone there who knows what he is doing when the time comes rather than have someone bumbling around who doesn't.

Whether you are religious or not you may want to consider this?

Don

[zanana1]

10. Go with a DJ. nt

[sarge43]

11. You can pre pay for a cremation.

Put your plans in your will and select a trustworthy executor.

One of my neighbors threw a party/wake/memorial for her husband -- outdoors, band, food, BYOB and fireworks. She had some of his ashes placed in one of the rockets. I thought that was cool.

[whistler162]

12. You can buy what is called a preneed insurance plan...

from some funeral homes which will pay for what you need, or most of it.

When we worked with the funeral diretor, a friend of my fathers, to cremate and bury my father we had to do it cheaply. IIRC.. If we didn't want to see my fathers body the body could go straight to the cremator(?) but if we wanted to see his body then it had to be embambled etc.. We didn't see his body. This might not be standard but maybe it is available. See if you can pre plan a cardboard coffin or cheap pine. All told I think we spent under $4000 for everything including a plot and stone.

[LaurenG]

13. Donate your body to a medical school

There is no cost to the family for cremation once the school is done.

As for the rest - I'd hand write notes to those I love to be read once I was gone and of course have an up to date will.

[HopeHoops]

14. I'm expecting clowns and a mariachi band with several kegs of beer (good stuff).

And that's at the grave site.

[SoxFan]

18. Can we fire your corpse out of a circus cannon?

Maybe aim it at a Tea Party rally?

On a semi-serious note, a buddy of mine died last week in a motorcycle accident. At his wake, he had a Red Sox shot glass in the casket. I thought that it was at least 4,378 kinds of awesome.

[HopeHoops]

19. Do you remember the scene from M*A*S*H (the movie) with JawBreaker?

"Black capsule." "Black capsule." - that was one of the best movies ever made.

[gratuitous]

23. That was "Painless" the dentist

Anyway, yes, get in touch with a local funeral home. They have all kinds of helpful forms, from disposal of your body to what sort of service, if any, you'd like. Flowers, music, the whole nine yards. You can update it from time to time (every 10 years until you're 50, maybe every five years after that), just so you don't play the Macarena or Mambo No. 5 at your memorial (hey, somebody liked those godforsaken songs enough to put them on the charts, and more's the pity if it was you).

[HopeHoops]

27. Right, Painless. Oops.

[revolution breeze]

15. I have some health issues

"Orphan diseases" which don't get alot of reseach. Therefore my body will be donated to science for further research. My children and husband are comfortable and supportive of my decision. A remembrance ceremony will be held in our home and my daughters have already told me what they plan to say. The crying is already over so it will be a joyous occassion. My husband will be cremated and his ashes scattered at sea. His remembrance will be held at a pub we have frequented often. No services for either as we feel that thus part has already been handled during life.

[LeftinOH]

16. Call (or visit) the funeral home of your choice; they are pretty good salespeople -

They can advise you of various pre-arranged plans.

[mnhtnbb]

17. We recently looked into an eco eternity forest--which is for cremated remains only--

and if you want a place for family/friends to visit you but don't want a conventional cemetery, it's an interesting idea.

http://www.ecoeternity.com/

You can definitely pre-pay by "joining" a cremation society. Both my parents had done that
so that when they died, all we had to do was make one phone call.

If there is a favorite outdoor place you like to go, you might want to think about having
an event there--celebration of life type of thing. I know someone who had doves released
at an outdoor event.

If you don't care about having a marker where your ashes are scattered, think about where you would
like them to be and be sure to tell someone in advance as well as leave instructions for that.

I've recently set in motion making these kind of arrangements for myself. We had a stillborn daughter
21 years ago, whom we buried in the town where we were living, but we are now several states away from there. Hubby and I went this spring to bring her cremated remains home with us; I want her remains
to be blended with mine when I go because I don't want her left alone and forgotten.

Good luck. I'm sorry for the loss of your in-law.

:hug:

[dembotoz]

20. let some folks know about your plans.

not sure if i would store them in a safety deposit box.
Years ago when my wife died, i did not have access to the box til several days after the funeral
and i needed my lawyers help.
box needed to be invertoried or something.....
Be really sad to have your family read your wishes AFTER the funeral.

[Courtesy Flush]

21. Here's a vote for a traditional grave

I never thought they made sense until I lost a dear young person last year. I visit her grave often. I don't believe in the hereafter, but I can at least be close to her and tell her how much I miss her.

Now my wife is terminally ill, and now I know how important it is to be able to visit her.

Cemeteries offer burial sites for cremains, if you ask about them.

(a little surprised to see that cremains is in Firefox spell check dictionary).

[PassingFair]

22. I thought about this today. I want to cherry pick from the Jewish tradition.

I want my immediate family to sit on their asses for a week
while well-meaning family members and friends bring food and
drink to them.

I want everyone to cry very much.

And laugh, too.

No "services" please.

I want to be cremated and my remains put straight into
a plastic bag. I don't care what they do with them as long
as it complies with local ordinances.

I believe this is a good post to save to my journal!

Thanks.

:hi:

[gvstn]

24. One consideration

That you might want to discuss with your family is whether or not they want to view the body.
My mother's husband wanted to be cremated (which she hated the idea of but honored) but she wanted a viewing to see the body one last time. His family didn't care about viewing the body at all. They had made all the plans for the funeral and took care of changing things to get the body embalmed. Unfortunately, they didn't change the casket. It was a plain wooden box. It was pathetic. An ugly oversight that could have been avoided.

Embalming and a viewing are quite an additional expense so get your family's input on this. As some have stated funerals are for the living so take their needs into consideration when making your plans.

[Curmudgeoness]

25. This is a very compassionate thing to do for your family.

My mother did it after the brohaha of how to deal with my father's funeral. It was a godsend, since I was in the middle of both of these ordeals. She wanted cremated, and no embalming or viewing. That was something that our family took heat about from relatives and friends who didn't think it was respectful, so having this be her plan ahead of time made that easier too.

Talk to several funeral homes, make sure it is one that will be there in the future. I don't know how you know that, but you don't want to lose money you spent on pre-payments.

[hobbit709]

26. I plan on being cremated.

Around here you can get that done for under $1000. My ashes will be scattered over a marijuana field by a trusted friend. I expect my friends will have some kind of party.