This morning whilst awaiting my turn to purchase a breakfast burrito

[Ikonoklast]

as is my wont, and a surly individual was in queue behind me.

He rudely attempted to involve me in coarse conversation, but was unable to do so as he could only communicate in some sort of unintelligible babble.

I politely requested him to please refrain from speaking to me, and he refused, doubling his efforts to be argumentative.

He then assaulted me with his food purchase.

I have a good look at this miscreant, and with the description of this hooligan I gave the local law enforcement officials seem to know exactly who this individual is, as he has a somewhat lengthy criminal record.

They assured me he would be in custody before nightfall.

[kayakjohnny]

1. Sounds more like a scofflaw or ne'er-do-well.

Than a miscreant or hooligan.

But it could have been a perpetrator as well.

I hope he was at least respectful of your proper English.

[Ikonoklast]

2. He was nothing but common rabble.

I should have given him what-for, but my superior manners refrained me from giving him the thrashing he so richly deserved.

[kayakjohnny]

4. And surely, your emboldened attempt at remaining civil in the face of this most extreme

breach of your personhood shall be seen by the many onlookers as nothing short of nobility.

You sir, are a gentleman of the highest order, and I should like to present you with 3 gleaming white stallions for your heroic efforts.

[Ikonoklast]

8. Nay, a hero I am not.

I am a humble citizen, without pretension or guile.

I will say this piece, however, in regards to the knave that so accosted me...he had the gall to address me as an equal.



These common types need to be reminded of their place.



I say a public caning should suffice.

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. This person sounds like an utterly contemptible commoner...

These types of individuals should be duly chastised.

[Boojatta]

5. They will be chaste. Who will be chasing them is another question.

[Ikonoklast]

6. He smelled of sour sweat and bad beef.

A truly revolting individual, with a jaundiced eye and small hands.

Perchance if you ever cross paths with such a person, be wary of his odoriferous persona.

[LeftyFingerPop]

7. .

:rofl:

[old mark]

10. ...probably from habitually eating burritos for breakfast.....

You want homefries with that?


mark

[Ikonoklast]

13. Good sir, my morning repast is not in question here.

But I say, you do look good in your military-style paper cap. Very fitting indeed.


When did you stand for promotion to Fry Manager?

Belated congratulations are in order.

[JCMach1]

9. Sen. Vitter was in your line?

[Ikonoklast]

14. I certainly hope not, although I wouldn't recognize the man

unless he was 'in costume', as it were.

[kimi]

11. Why, that miserable SOB

Scuse me, that malodorous desperado, malefactor, as it were.

You WILL press charges, I hope? These ruffians need to have their racketeering ways taken seriously by us law-abiding upright citizens. *sniff*

[Ikonoklast]

15. I have every confidence that the local constabulary will proceed with all due dispatch

in this manner, and apprehend the jackanape in short order, bringing him before the proper judicial authority and dispense a good measure of stern justice for his insolent behaviour.

Those members of the lower classes that feel that they may mingle about and rub shoulders with their betters in public places are one thing, but those that feel that they may abuse the privilege of association by becoming too familiar need a reminder of just where they come from.


Why, just the other day at an establishment I have frequented for many years, the shopkeep had the brass to address me by my Christian name!

Can you imagine such a thing?

I sternly reminded the man that I was to be addressed at all times as either "Mister", or "My Good Sir". He shamefully begged my pardon, and I grudgingly gave it.

I permitted him to still have my custom on a regular basis, as long as he remembered to keep his proper place.

[david13]

12. I coulda tole you breakfast burritos are ushullly trubble. dc

[Ikonoklast]

16. My God, man, it's you!

What a bold one you are, coming here to harass me after what you did the morning previous!

I shall give you the thrashing that you so richly deserve!


Prepare to defend yourself!

[david13]

21. Your punishment is ... breakfast burritos. That will fix you. dc

[Ikonoklast]

23. Blackguard!

Have at you!

[rug]

17. It's Lefty's British doppelganger!

[Ikonoklast]

19. I am not certain if this

is a good thing in any way possible, or entirely bad.



My instincts tell me that I need be concerned about this comparison, as the other person in question seems to be a person of dubious qualities.

[whistler162]

18. Well stop standing in front of the mirror when in the

check outline!

[Ikonoklast]

20. Being a person of some modesty, it always surprises me somewhat

when I accidentally catch my reflection in a mirror, or a shop window.

My first thoughts are always, "What a dashing figure of a man! Now that is what a proper gentleman should like like when out and about the town!".

It is with some small embarrassment that I then realize that the handsome fellow in the looking-glass is indeed, me.



Only then am I reminded how difficult it must be for members of the lesser population to have dealings with me in person, as I am a constant reminder to them just how inferior they are to such as me.

It is then that I remember to give them some measure of latitude when in my physical presence, as it is somewhat off-putting to the working class rabble to be so near such a superior personage.

[Liberal Veteran]

22. Were they demanding Chicken McNuggets?

[Ikonoklast]

24. Philistines.

As you are most likely are aware, surround me.





Such as yourself, I presume.