Good at grammar? Help me punctuate this sentence correctly.

[Mojambo]

"So why then is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?

Where does the comma go here?

So why, then, is his heart...

So, why then is his heart...

So why then is his heart... (No comma?)


I'm all twisted up here and can't figure out which way is right.

Help me, DU. You're my only hope.

[Common Sense Party]

1. I would say: "So why, then, is his heart..."

Because why could be taken out and the sentence meaning remain intact.

[Mojambo]

2. That was originally how I wrote it

But a couple of people in my writing group expressed skepticism about it and it has shaken my confidence.

So hopefully I'll get some confirmation from you guys, who are clearly smarter than the kids that populate this class.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Mojambo...

I don't think it needs any commas.

It reads just fine just the way it is...

[Mojambo]

4. "When in doubt, leave it out" may apply here...

Hmmmm. Opinion is split so far.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Common Sense Party says use the commas...

And that works too.

But they aren't necessary.

You can go either way...whatever floats your boat!

:hi:

[Mojambo]

6. Thanks, CP.

If it reads clear without, then I'm going without.

[pacalo]

7. "So why, then, is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?"

[HopeHoops]

8. You must come to me to Alderon and learn the ways of the force.

[Deep13]

9. No commas. nt

[Duer 157099]

10. Is it: "so why then" or "so then why"?

Or are both equally grammatically correct?

[Mojambo]

11. Thank you for opening a second front for my insecurity...

;-)

I think they are both grammatically correct.

[Duer 157099]

13. Heh. But seriously, here's why I thought of it:

If you say: "So then, why..."

it sort of resolves the problem a little. Although technically maybe it should be "So, then, why..."

I don't like grammar :D

[Redstone]

12. #2: "So why, then, is his heart..." From a professional writer.

Redstone

[Deep13]

16. Which rule is that?

I tried to think of one, but am at a loss.

[Redstone]

21. No rule. Just experience.

Redstone

[WinkyDink]

35. That's #1.

[joeybee12]

14. Here's what I say...all are right and all are wrong...

All are acceptable depending on how the rest of what you've written flows. Which SOUNDS right when you read it out loud?

[some guy]

15. So, why then, is . . .

I think of commas as short pauses in sentences, so speak the sentence aloud and put commas where you want pauses.

[frogmarch]

17. So, why then is his heart...

is how I'd do it.

If the sentence simply said, "Why is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?" would any meaning be lost?

[Mojambo]

18. Well...

The preceding paragraph is all about how he has returned to look upon the creatures because in the past they represented essential virtues like beauty, love and loyalty to him.

So, while I don't think a great deal of meaning would be lost, I do prefer to have the "then"

[frogmarch]

19. I think I know what you mean.

I feel the same way about certain sentences I write. They'd lose something written any other way.

[Xipe Totec]

20. So why then is his heart sore, as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?

That is, if you want to ecommanize.

:P

[Richardo]

29. That would be my pick

:thumbsup:

[Curmudgeoness]

22. Uh, I can't figure out why you want to write that sentence. nt

[Mojambo]

24. It's a paper analyzing 3 poems, one of which is Yeats' Wild Swans at Coole. n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. for a formal paper, I think I would leave out 'so' 'then' and also 'once'

leaving this:
"Why is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures again?

[dimbear]

28. Um, agreed. Sentences which require punctuation gymnastics

should be restructured.

[MorningGlow]

23. I'll have a go

"So why, then, is his heart sore, as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?"

The commas on either side of "then" act parenthetically. The second comma joins a dependent clause ("as he...") to an independent clause.

Sincerely,
A professional writer, former English teacher, and comma junkie

[Mojambo]

25. Aha. Good call on the second comma.

I would have missed that.

Thank you.

[LiberalAndProud]

26. Nonessential qualifier grammar rule.

http://www.englishchick.com/grammar/grpunc.htm

So why is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again, then?
So why, then, is his heart sore as he looks upon the brilliant creatures?

Or the sentence would make sense if 'then' were left out entirely.

I vote for your original text as grammatically correct. Are the commas necessary to understand the meaning? No.

[applegrove]

27. Sorry. I have a disability re: grammar and I learnt to read and write in french first.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

30. Take out "so".

"Why, then, ..."

"So" and "then" do sort of the same thing,
serve as bridge from what came before to the
sentence in question.

[MiddleFingerMom]

32. The line is nicely poetic in itself...

.
.
.
...and I go along with Redstone's opinion (equally so with the "no commas needed" school of thought).
.
I think others might be more "correct" -- but GEEZ, so freakin' awkward to read.
.
.
.
Did you WRITE this as part of a poem?
.
.
.
If so -- nice. If not, your sub(un)conscious is working HARD for you.
.
Lookit those triads!!!
.
(well, ONE exception -- but an exception can be a technique, too)
.
.
So why then
is his heart
sore as he
looks upon
the brilliant
creatures
once again.
.
.
.

[TrogL]

33. No commas and taking out "then" wouldn't hurt

[WinkyDink]

34. Choice #1.

[MrScorpio]

36. "So... Why, then, is his heart sore, as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?

[Pithlet]

37. So why, then, is his heart sore, as he looks upon the brilliant creatures once again?

That's how I'd do it.