I need to light a fire under somebody's butt

[Tobin S.]

I've got a friend who I've known for about 15 years. We are about the same age and he got into trucking a few years before me. I went to talk to him when I was considering becoming a trucker and he told me all about it. On the weekends, we would sit around and drink beer and he would tell me stories about his time on the road. It sounded cool to me and before long I was a trucker, too. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.

While I worked through my troubles and eventually became a better person, my friend went the opposite direction. After about 4 years as a trucker he got a DUI driving home from a party one night. If you are a trucker, a DUI basically makes you unemployable in the industry for 5 years with most trucking companies. Instead of that being a wake up call about his drinking, my friend, I'll call him Rick, fell further into alcoholism.

Rick called me up tonight and he was drunk like most of the times he calls me. He usually wants to talk trucking. He likes to brag about how he's been a trucker for 16 years and how new drivers don't know shit. The bragging is distasteful enough, but he's bragging about something that isn't even true. He's had a CDL for 16 years, but in the last 12 years he might have a total of one year of experience in a truck. Then he'll start trying to give me pointers on how to take care of my truck when he doesn't even know what he's talking about.

It's just the beer talking, though. I caught him when he was sober the other night and he was pleasant to talk to. The reality is that Rick is a good person, he just doesn't know it. I think the drunken bragging has its roots in Rick's desire to be doing what I'm doing, he just can't put down the beer long enough to give it a shot. When he's really shit-faced he'll tell me that he admires my courage and it's something that he feels like he doesn't have.

I told him what I think he needed to do tonight. He's 36, drinks a case of beer every other night, lives with his mom, and doesn't have a steady job. I told him he needed to get the hell out of there and drive long haul like I do. Just leave all that shit behind and start over fresh. He sheepishly agreed with me and then ended the call. Hopefully, he'll remember what I said tomorrow. I don't know what else to do.

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. He's got a long haul before he's ready for the long haul again.

.
.
.
He NEEDS to get completely clean-and-sober for a good stretch of time
before he climbs back behind the wheel again or he's going to end up
killing himself and possibly others.
.
I'm afraid you just don't "leave shit behind" -- he needs help and he
needs professional support.
.
Don't talk him back into a truck. Talk him into a rehab program of one
sort or another.
.
Getting back into a truck will come from a successful journey though
that program.
.
.
.
And you be strong yourself!!! Sometimes, talking/associating with
someone who is much like you were can have one of two effects. The
first is good -- "There but for the grace of (whatever) go I." The
second is harmful -- he has the potential to catch you at a weak
moment and get you to thinking that maybe what YOU are doing is the
wrong approach. You have to be aware of that possibility and stop
it before it takes firm root in YOUR psyche.
.
.
.

[Tobin S.]

10. I guess you're right

I'm thinking of it from the perspective of my own drinking. I used to drink quite a bit, but I never had a problem with putting it down.

No worries as far him making me take a detour on the road of life. I know he's miserable. I know what that's like and I sure as hell don't want to go that route again.

[The Midway Rebel]

2. He sounds like several of my best friends/blood brothers and my dad.

I hate what alcohol can do to some people. After it takes over your life and becomes your reason for existing, it ruins your health and it will KILL you. Trust me. I know.

Outside of being a sad witness and a positive example of sobriety, there is very little you can do to stop alcoholism in somebody else.

[travelingtypist]

3. This.

Drink-and-dial is a drunk's favorite hobby. One way you can help is to refuse to participate. Don't answer the phone if you think he's drunk...

[The Midway Rebel]

4. That advice.

Is 10 years too late...he's dead Jim.


:hi:

[RandomThoughts]

5. I get that.

'too late' is a temporal concept that does not apply. :)

[The Midway Rebel]

6. Temporal

temporal -- adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or situated near the temple or a temporal bone.


Yes, dad always said, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."


The concept applies more than you think.

[RandomThoughts]

8. Temporal as defined.

1. Of or pertaining to time, that is, to the present life, or this world; secular, as distinguished from sacred or eternal. <1913 Webster>

As I said before, I don't believe in Temporal Lore.



heh, also the argument for separation of church and state I would guess.


The things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. --2 Cor. iv. 18.

[The Midway Rebel]

9. OK

In that case BRB!



:hi:

[elleng]

7. Alcoholism is a TERRIBLE disease, Tobin.

The best we can do is try to help friends 'self-diagnose.'

http://www.lakesidemilam.com/

I highly recommend "Under the Influence"

http://www.amazon.com/Under-Influence-Guide-Realities-Alcoholism/dp/0553274872

[Tobin S.]

11. I appreciate the links, ellen

I think he knows he's an alcoholic, it's just getting him to do something about it that isn't working.

[elleng]

13. Thats always the problem.

Involves 'hitting bottom,' and sometimes 'confrontations' can encourage that, friends and family describing behaviors and 'threatening' withdrawal of various supports.

[Primitive Mind]

12. He needs a lot of help.

Which won't do no good until he hits bottom. He won't hit bottom until his mom has him thrown out. I hate to say that, but when people habitually engage in destructive behavior the only thing anyone can do is not condone the behavior at all. Then he may see he really needs to change.