Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn't Make It To God

[madinmaryland]

WASHINGTON—A shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. "Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs," said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesperson for the Lord Almighty, adding that another 25 percent of heavenly funding is needed just to cover payroll for the angelic hierarchy. "People always assume God is filthy rich, but they'd be surprised to learn His net worth is only around $8 million—and most of that is tied up in real estate." According to Raeburn, God currently has enough money saved to live comfortably throughout all eternity, but He may be forced to shutter a number of† under-performing religions.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-majority-of-money-donated-at-church-doesnt,18765/

[hobbit709]

1. Why does an omniscient, omnipotent, etc., being need money?

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. Captain Kirk doesn't take IOUs. No one rides for free.

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. Sorry, I know Star Trek 5 references are verboten.

[mikeytherat]

3. If the streets of Heaven are paved with gold, and Heaven is infinite, well, that's a lot of gold.

mikey_the_rat

[madinmaryland]

7. And you have to take The Yellow Brick Road to get there!

[Flaxbee]

4. lol

:hi: mad!

[wickerwoman]

6. LOL. That's brilliant.

Possibly even worth alienating some Facebook friends over...

[LeftishBrit]

8. ROFL!!!