"God will never give you more than you can handle"

[Amerigo Vespucci]

I dunno...for some people that's a source of comfort, but I'm not one of them. And I'm a Christian. It's supposed to come with the territory. I'm not only supposed to agree with it, I'm supposed to "pass it along" and offer it as encouragement to other people who are suffering.

But it's like Fight Club...first rule of helping someone with their suffering is to not lecture them on what they can "handle." Sometimes the best words of encouragement are a silent smile and a hug, you know? Not "advice" or sage wisdom on "Who God is."

I have developed one thing, however, and that's the ability to read people's minds. I can guarantee that if you suffer long enough, and pray long enough, and see those prayers go unanswered enough, and pray some more, and suffer some more, one (or more) of your Christian friends / acquaintances is going to quote Romans 8:28...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

One of my current projects is a Website for a very, very small local church. I had a chat with the pastor last night. He told me that what I am going through is the result of God "preparing me" for some as-yet-unknown purpose. He said "If God isn't going to use someone, he doesn't have to do anything to prepare them."

My "preparation" is now going into its third year, and it just effin' hurts. There's no magic or mystery to it. And yeah, I know a lot of people who are worse off than I am...but I also know a lot of people who are not.

So when people tell me that God isn't going to give me more than I can handle, I smile, walk away, and count to 10. Then I go back to handling things.

End of rant.

:-)

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. Amen, brother.

.
.
.
:hug:
.
.
.

[texanwitch]

2. I have had more then I can handle the last few years, mangaged to make it somehow.

It wasn't a higher power, just taking it one day at a time.

Still getting over some of it.

I am still here.



:hug:

[kimi]

3. You know, I actually used to believe that saying

I'm a Christian also, and kinda grew up thinking it. It's accepted thinking for some.

I've gotten some heavy flack recently, elsewhere, for mentioning spirituality and my faith, so I won't go farther. But yes, you're right. And thanks for saying so.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear Amerigo Vespucci...

I think it's bullshit. Period.

I've had grief and sorrow in my life, and somehow I handled it. I have no idea how, but I don't think God had anything to do with it. I had no choice but to carry on, somehow.

You are in my thoughts, always...

:hug:

[Skittles]

10. you are CORRECT

yes INDEED

[ohheckyeah]

5. Yeah, I've heard that all before, too.

I heard it for years when my life was sucking big time and I finally decided to make a change. I did something that most people thought was crazy. Maybe it was, but it worked out and my life changed and is pretty darn happy now.

I think that sometimes suffering doesn't call for forbearance but for bold action. But, that's just me.

[Tripper11]

9. I have to agree with Peggy and ohheckyeah

And I appreciate what you're saying Amerigo.
I know I can't give up, nor do I want to, but I know something has got to give.
I am in the process of forcing the issue, as it were, and we'll see where it takes me and my family.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

17. I'm beginning to think that's the key, "forcing the issue"...

...because everything else just adds up to zero, and the "advice" most of my friends has given me adds up to a life that I just can't live. I'm at the point of saying "Here's what I'm going to do in order to dig myself out of this hole," while completely letting go of any need of "permission" or "approval" from others.

That may be a no-brainer for some, but I was raised to seek both, so...as they say in pop psychology...it is requiring me to "erase the old tapes."

[ohheckyeah]

37. Well, you have friends here.

When I made my 'crazy' move my family wouldn't speak to me and my friends, well, they disappeared. I did what I had to do for me and told everyone else they could deal or not deal but I didn't ask for nor did I need their permission to live my life. My family finally came around, apologized and admitted that it was the best move I had ever made. I have my life back and a husband I adore and who adores me. Life still has it's challenges but we're happy in spite of the challenges.

There's something to be said for 'go big or go home'.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

39. My POSSE.

I know I have friends here, and thank you for reminding me of that.

Pretty much every post I write on DU is a love letter to my POSSE.

There are some talented, kind, amazing people here, and it is a great pleasure of my life to climb into the sandbox daily and romp with them.

My toes are on the edge of "go big." I know I am going to lose some friends when I cross that line, but I will gain my life. And any friends you lose by claiming your birthright aren't your friends anyway.

:toast:

[ohheckyeah]

45. Indeed.

The friends that disappeared when I made my big move were, I found, a negative influence in my life and basically all of them had problems they refused to deal with. They are still sitting in their shit while I have moved on. No real loss.

[Heidi]

6. That hypothesis fails to take into account

institutionalized poverty, bigotry of all sorts, and all sorts of illnesses that can cause profound mental and/or physical pain, and seems to imply that those who complain about or cannot withstand that sort of battering are somehow weak. People get bullied not only by other people in life, but also by sometimes extraordinarily cruel circumstances.

You're a good, good guy, and I hope your "preparation" ends very, very soon. :hug: :hug:

[petronius]

7. Yeah, and God will also let you get run over by a bus or eaten by a bear

But I guess that's when the 'mysterious ways' canard makes its appearance. :shrug:

Best of luck with your handling...

[PassingFair]

35. My niece has an outspoken atheist Daddy and a bible-believing Mommy.

She got in trouble one afternoon during lunch when
a bird flew into a window near where the kids were
playing.

As it lay there, dying, some of the kids asked
why the bird had to die.

My niece told them it was all a part of God's beautiful plan.

(she's always getting hauled off to the office)

[some guy]

8. I'm not a Christian.

I think the god of the bible is not worthy of worship.

What sort of god would cause his/her followers to suffer? A sadistic one? I don't understand why the bible says is 4 different places that your god is a jealous god. If He created everything, what does he have to be jealous of?

Good luck with your struggles, and I hope life gets better for you. :hug:

[AngryOldDem]

11. If that's the case...

...then I've been "preparing" for most of my life for some "purpose" that better have one hell of a decent payoff, and God must think I have the shoulders of Atlas.

This is the kind of shit that drives me right up the wall about religion. How anyone can believe this tripe is beyond me.

That is right up there with the old "God's will" answer when things go wrong. "Shit happens" is a much better (and more accurate) explanation.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

18. Most of the Christian friends I know are of two beliefs.

1). When something goes really WELL, they say "God did that," and the praise and worship begins.

2). When something goes really BAD, they say "God didn't have anything to do with that" and point to the fact that we have free will, etc.

I tend to think God can't have it both ways, because that cheapens God. He either owns "all of the cattle on every hillside," as the Bible says, or he doesn't.

God can own the sunrise and a cleansing summer rain and blooming spring flowers.

He also owns some terrified, crying Japanese kid sitting on a pile of rubble that used to be his or her home and doesn't understand why everyone, and everything, is gone...try to explain to that kid how they're supposed to embrace the "greater good" God has in store for them.

God needs to own them both, or He doesn't get to own either one. That's my faith, and I know a lot of people who don't agree with it at all.

[Heidi]

25. I'm curious (and sincerely) about your definition of God.

I ask you this with a whole heart, because if there is a God, I don't think s/he has necessarily to be as binary as either your friends or you believe. I mean, what if God is simply the natural world -- in that case, s/he CAN have it both ways, owning through authority over climate, food supply, the humans who raise cattle, etc., all of the cattle on every hillside -- and everything that entails, even beyond our understanding?

I'm more of a "God in the gaps" type, but I'm genuinely interested in understanding your personal definition of God. And I love that you have the courage to have this honest discussion in The Lounge. :hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

29. A pastor once said the following in a sermon:

"Every word in here is true (holding up the Bible)...until you read it."

What he was trying to say is that we "create" God on an as-needed, on-the-fly basis. We find some piece of Scripture that we call in as a promise, and when we don;t get what we wanted, when we wanted in it, we doubt God.

So here's what I believe.

I believe there's a God. And anyone who's read any of my previous posts on faith knows that my beliefs are my beliefs, and I neither want nor expect anyone else to agree with them. We've got Atheists and Agnostics on DU and I respect that as a choice that individuals made, believing it was right for them, just as the choice I've made is right for me. It offends me when people refer to God as a "fictional character," but it's their right to free speech, and I respect their right to voice that opinion and my right to reject it. I'd say civility reigns in the majority of DU posts on the subject but there are definitely folks out there who like to ridicule people of faith, and for the most part, they get away with it. C'es la vie.

There are a few things I'd like to have in my life before I die, and I've been around the block enough times to know that I may die wanting them.

I believe that God..."the Universe"...LIFE, whatever anyone wants to call it...is calling me to be a bolder version of the man I already am. I try to be a good person. I work hard for my clients, harder than many in my profession. I think I have a good sense of humor, am reasonably well-educated and well-rounded, and have been gifted with talents in the areas of music, Web design, photography and cooking.

But it's like that old axiom about "If you write a great book and hide it under a rock, no one's going to read it."

I'm not entirely comfortable "being available" to people for long stretches of time. Just like Batman retreats to the Batcave and Superman heads off for the Fortress of Solitude, I need my "alone time"...and I may have told myself that I need it more than my greater need for success and financial solvency will allow.

So I pray, I talk to people I trust, and I look at the circumstances of my life and what I feel I need to change...with or without God...and I need to be more available.

God can't do that for me. I have to put one foot in front of the other and do it because it has to be done, not because it's my first choice of how I'd like to spend my days. I am a sole proprietor, which means I am my sales force, and my reluctance to "be available" resulted in a life that looks like that photo of the U.S.S. Cole after al Quaeda drove the boatload of explosives through its middle.

I did it, I own it, and maybe all God can do is shine a light on the road where the things I want exist.

He can't walk that road for me.

I don't think God is some flowing-robed, white hair and beard giant guy with a flaming scepter who sits on a throne atop some cloud.

I think He is in me...and anyone else who wants to believe the same. I think that when we look "up" or look "out" to find God, we miss the God that is inside. That's a bold statement for me to make since I was raised a Catholic.

But I think that any time we look anywhere but inside, we miss God, and that more often than not, the exact thing we want to hear in the exact moment that we want to hear it is the last thing we want to hear from God.

I need to get up, put on my suit, put on my smile, and build relationships all over Silicon Valley. When I do that, the money will follow.

That's me.

That's God.

Hope I answered your question.

[Heidi]

34. I don't disagree with a single thing you've said.

I don't know how to make anything better for you, but I'm glad you're part of this community. Very glad.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

48. Thanks Heidi.

I went through a sales training course in the late 1980s, and the instructor referenced those "You Are Here" directory signs that you see in shopping malls.

The point was that in sales, or any other thing you do in life, it is "OK" to be "here"...meaning not necessarily where you want to be in six months, a year, five years...because acknowledging that "You Are Here" let's you set a marker for where you want to go.

So for me, it becomes a matter of knowing that today doesn't represent an ideal situation for me, and that continually putting one foot in front of the other in the right direction will have a cumulative effect. That means developing a renewed sense of mental toughness for each day, as well as a sense pf gratitude for the blessings each day inevitably brings (sometimes known as the silver linings of clouds).

Earlier today I went to see a client, and during our meeting, we agreed that I'd return in the afternoon to take some photos for the Website. So I had to go home, get out my battery charger, and juice up the batteries so I could be back at their office by 1:00. That's as good a metaphor as any...yesterday I was drained to the point of being just...wiped...OUT. But this morning I got up, showered, put on my suit and my smile and gave my client my best. Both visits were good, and at the end, as I was leaving, she said that she was excited about the work I'd be doing in the next two weeks for her. That was a "Phoenix" moment for me...really pulling yesterday out of the ashes.

So if I can do it, anyone else reading this can too...that was part of why I posted this thread. On one hand, I had some stuff I was carrying around that wanted out. Personal stuff, to be sure, but if one person reads this and thinks "He did it, I can do it too," then that is huge.

Sharing my thoughts in this thread allowed me to get the emotions out, step back, and give myself the attitude adjustment I needed to stay in the battle. That made things better...not the situation, just my attitude toward the situation, but that is always the first step in turning things around. So thanks to everyone who shared their own thoughts and experiences in this area...proof once again that we can have a wide range of beliefs that are tied together by common experiences.

[kimi]

47. Yep

I can get that.

[AngryOldDem]

26. That is exactly where I'm at.

Thanks for expressing it so well.

Another bromide that I hear often: "God always answers prayers. And sometimes the answer is no." Well, that opens up a whole 'nother can of worms, now, doesn't it?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

30. Yes, that "no" thing is pure arrogance.

A while back I had a serious need, one tied into a date on the calendar and all kinds of bad things happening if the need wasn't met. I "prayed without ceasing" and the need wasn't met. When I shared this with a friend, he said "God DID answer your prayer, and the answer was NO."

Consequently, I share fewer and fewer things with that friend these days.

[raccoon]

49. Great post! nt

[PassingFair]

36. That line is ALMOST as bad as the "everything happens for a reason" line.

At least the "god doesn't give you more than you can handle"
flatters your "strength".

[hobbit709]

12. what does that say about people that can't handle it and give up.

I guess god wanted them to die or be locked up in an institution.

[kedrys]

13. My mom was lamenting some of the crap I'm going through, and I said that to her

Much to my surprise, she told me it's a load of horsesh*t. I was floored, because she still goes to church - not that she's a militant Catholic or anything, religion in general is pretty mellow up here - and I was sure she was going to echo my comment.

After thinking about it some more, I think she's right.

[Deep13]

14. I only hurt the ones I love.

So why should I have any respect for a god whose definition of love or kindness is that he hurts people, but not enough to destroy them? And anyway, the fact that some people are destroyed, either literally or in some other way proves that the idea just is not true.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

19. It feels less like love and more like that scene with The Gimp in "Pulp Fiction."

I will probably never reach the level of acceptance on my "walk" where sustained, unending pain equals "love."

I have shared this story on DU before, but I was training someone in La Honda on Web Design skills. Each Wednesday night I'd drive up 280, to Sand Hill Road, up those winding, narrow, 2-lane roads that cut through the trees...

...for my friends who don't know this, Sand Hill Road in Menlo Park is basically THE "Venture Capital Hub" of the United States. There is more concentrated wealth per square inch on that stretch of road than there is anywhere else in the country, except for Wall Street, perhaps...

...and as you take this ride up 280, you're flanked by "German luxury automobile" after "German luxury automobile" after "German luxury automobile"...it's like when you drive down the road and someone's hit a skunk, the air just stinks of money. And many of the people in these cars are alpha males / alpha females...just effing ruthless, they will cut you off when you're trying to enter / exit the freeway, they'll tailgate you when you're already going 10 miles over the speed limit and you couldn't pull into the next lane and let them pass if you wanted to...

...so a friend told me that what I am going through is a "lesson in humility," that God is teaching me something about "pride," and best yet, that because I don't regularly tithe 10% of everything I earn, God is "withholding his blessings" until i do.

When I got to my friend's house I shared this with him and he said "That's a load of crap. I know some of the people in those cars. They're rich, and not only do most of the ones I know never set foot in a church, but when they do, I never see any of them put anything in the collection plate."

I think of that song by The Eagles, "The Sad Cafe," and the line "I don't know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free."

I tend to think the same way in terms of faith. Sometimes the burden of the "blessing" makes me think life would be better without it.

[raccoon]

15. I don't believe that saying either. Harold Kushner, who wrote WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

said in that book that he doesn't believe it either.

And that verse that you quoted, I've never understood what in Hades it's supposed to mean. I don't believe that either.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

[WolverineDG]

16. Have I ever heard that one before

Many many times. :hug: Dunno what I'm being "prepared" for, but it's something huge.

I just have to remind myself with another Biblical passage: This too shall pass.

dg

[GaYellowDawg]

20. It is a total horseshit line.

And it's spouted by people who have been, by chance, lucky enough to have never encountered something that feels beyond them.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

22. Lucky enough to have never encountered it, or...

...there's been a sufficient amount of time that's passed to where it's no longer fresh in their memory, and they have no visceral recollection of what it was like to be up to their eyeballs in grief.

I know a number of people who, regardless of what misfortunes may have crossed their paths in the past, are now in a "sweet spot" where they have fully-paid mortgages, steady income, etc.

They are the last people I consider "qualified" to address the gaping chest wounds of others.

[meow2u3]

21. Sometimes a human has the last word with God

I'll never forget the story of St. Teresa of Avila.

God enlightened her to understand that He desired the reform of her Order, and her heart was pierced with divine love. The Superior General gave her full permission to found as many houses as might become feasible. She dreaded nothing so much as delusion in the decisions she would make in difficult situations; we can well understand this, knowing she founded seventeen convents for the Sisters, and that fifteen others for the Fathers of the Reform were established during her lifetime, with the aid of Saint John of the Cross. To the end of her life she acted only under obedience to her confessors, and this practice both made her strong and preserved her from error. Journeying in those days was far from comfortable and even perilous, but nothing could stop the Saint from accomplishing the holy Will of God. When the cart was overturned one day and she had a broken leg, her sense of humor became very evident by her remark: “Dear Lord, if this is how You treat Your friends, it is no wonder You have so few!” She died October 4, 1582, and was canonized in 1622.

note: emphasis in bold italics is mine

[Amerigo Vespucci]

23. There is an irony in my current situation, because...

...I sit with the pastor of my church, and we pray for my needs, and the prayers go unanswered, and he stands up in church and quotes the various Bible promises about God promising to meet our needs, so I circle back with him and ask "What about me" and he sort of gives me that "I dunno" look.

[CBGLuthier]

24. I guess bringing up all the people God kills with his floods would be mean

but seems like a true example of his giving more than people could handle to me.

[ismnotwasm]

27. I HATE that saying

(Of course I'm agnostic) It may or may not be true for the faithful but it's the one of the last things I would tell anyone who is suffering or grieving or going through a bunch of shit. It tends to trivialize suffering-- 'oh, don't worry, you're headache will go away eventually'

[Arugula Latte]

28. Sorry, that is one of the classic BS lines religion always spews to cover for this "god"

No matter what horrendous suffering this deity inflicts on the creatures of this planet, "he" always has his ass covered. This "god" has a plan and ours is not to question (of course not, because it all falls apart like a house of cards if anyone thinks about it for more than five minutes). If god wipes out five thousand people in a moonsoon but a few live, they always say "God saved me." Well, why did god kill those other poor schlubs? Why would an omnipotent deity routinely cause so much death and suffering? What a PR staff "he" has -- after all this, people are supposed to buy into "God is love."

It would all be laughable if it weren't so pathetic.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. "God will never give you more than you can handle" -- true but,

the devil might.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

32. That goes back to the "handshake deal" in the Book of Job...

...basically God telling Satan that he could do anything he wanted to Job except kill him.

Yeah, I always have that on my short list of what might be going on right now.

[dawg]

33. The prisons, and psychiatric hospitals, and graveyards are full ...

of people who had more placed on them than they could bear. So that line is just a load of bullshit.

But I don't blame God. We live in a fallen world. It is in a natural state, ruled by natural laws, and God directly intervenes only rarely, if at all.

This is the place where we learn what it is like to live, basically, without being under God's benign sovereignty. We're here for a reason, and having God fix everything for us and make everything wonderful is not part of the plan.

I think we are here to make choices, and the unfairness and misery that takes place in this world is not due to God, but due to his restraint. He is letting us burn our hands on the hot stove, because, apparently, he thinks that is the only way we can really learn.

If a person were born into a lighted room, and never knew darkness, would they even be able to understand the concept of light?

[Arugula Latte]

38. That's a lot of mental gymnastics to justify a belief in this being.

I could never do it.

"He is letting us burn our hands on the hot stove." Children dying of cancer -- that's "him" teaching "us"?

If s/he's omnipotent, why doesn't s/he just imbibe people with knowledge?

A more likely explanation for all of this, in my view, is that there is no such being pulling any strings at all.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

40. All valid points, and...

...I invite you to read some of the other responses I've posted.

I do know people who want God to "do it for them"...to provide the "winning lottery ticket" I've already said, elsewhere in this thread, that I don;t want.

That's OK...I'm me, that's them.

But we fall into a trap with God...primarily die to other people telling us who God is...and when He doesn't "meet all our needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus," some of us FLIP OUT.

And there is the whole crowd out there that admonishes us against praying for "needs" versus "greeds."

I can live on dried beans, rice, and water. But is that "living?" And why does the guy next to me get to have a steak and a double Scotch?

One thing we were NEVER promised...in any pages of the Bible...was a "fair" life.

I don;t pretend to have all of the answers for my life, or anyone else's.

I don't know who God is, what God is...like Eric Clapton sang, I'm running on faith.

One day, I'll know if that was a smart decision, or a stupid one. Today, it's the only decision I can make with a clear conscience.

[dimbear]

41. All the crap that happens is nature's way of preparing you to

not mind dying.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

43. That part worked years ago

So I guess it's a matter of "Mission Accomplished."

[Taverner]

42. Bullshit. If there were a God, I would punch him in the face on behalf of all the h'capped and ill

[EFerrari]

44. My therapist said that to me, without the god part, once.

It was the first time I disagreed with her.

It's not rational. If people didn't get overwhelmed, they wouldn't go to therapists, right? :)

[doc03]

46. Explain all the suicides then? n/t