so me and the wife are divorcing

[backwoodsbob]

debated over whether to post this.A very civil breakup..no fights..no screaming matches.we are both being overly generous to each other.
This will be the first time in my life I am going to be truly alone...exciting and scary at the same time.

We both have enough money to survive so no one is going to be homeless or anything...she is going to keep the house and I am going to get an apartment near work.we will both have cars and blah blah....no one is going to do without.

This shit sucks but it's for the best for both of us.We have grown so far apart and we both know it.

Any advice to the newly divorced?

[Rosie1223]

1. No advice but here's a hug

:hug:

Hang in there.

[City of Mills]

2. Good luck

Went through something similar a few years back, still on good terms with the ex...sometimes people just grow apart.

My advice? Keep busy...if you don't have solid hobbies, try some new ones out...keep your life moving in a positive, constructive direction. You will be lonely sometimes, you will feel very content by yourself at other times. It is a big adjustment! Try to be patient...and keep the communication channels w/the ex open.

Good luck!

[Bake]

3. Play poker. Sit around in your underwear. Drink beer. Leave the toilet seat up.

Did I leave anything out?

Seriously, it's hard to respond to your OP, but you sound like you're OK with it. Regardless, there will be a grieving process just like a death in the family, especially if you've been married a long time. Lean on your friends, and don't just hole up.

Best wishes,

:hi:

Bake

[hamsterjill]

4. That's very adult of you both!

That's very adult that both of you concede that you've grown apart and are being civil. I applaud you both as that's certainly not usually the case in divorce.

That said, my only advice is to take things slow on the dating scene when that time comes. I've seen so many friends who are in such a rush to have a significant other again, that they grab the first bad fit. There's nothing wrong with being single. Take the time to find the right person and enjoy the wait.

Best of luck to both you and your soon to be ex-wife.

[backwoodsbob]

6. yeah it's been surprisingly civil

The only fight is gonna be over buddy :) He's mine ;-)

Seriously..it's been a long few days.We are good with it and trying to be adults about it.Hell..she even agreed to keep my car on her insurance because it will be cheaper for both of us this way if we split the bill.She gets the impala and house and all the stuff in the house other than my personals..I get my personals..the comp..my stereo..blah blah...

Just blabbing to myself right now.Kind of scared and excited both

[Demoiselle]

15. My first thought was of buddy...

I love him and I know you do, too.
(I'm a certified animal nut.)
I wish you the very best. I think that maybe the "scared and excited both" thing is a good sign that you're gonna be fine.

[PassingFair]

5. Wait a year before you start dating again.

No kids, I take it?

[backwoodsbob]

7. no kids

she has one adult kid..21.

He lives at home and is going to help her with the bills.We all sat down and talked this out.His boyfriend planned on moving in later this year anywaYS so it is just an adjustment for everyone.

[PassingFair]

8. How long were you married? nt

[backwoodsbob]

9. 8 years

[PassingFair]

10. Sorry...

:hug:

The boy must have been about 13 when you got married?

I hope you keep in touch with him if your relationship
is good.

[nolabear]

11. Just to hang in there and let people love on you.

I've done it, twice. Both times men I really had a fondness for (I was very young) and think of fondly to this day. You have my deep respect for doing what's right for the two of you with what sounds like kindness and compassion.

Uh...where do the animals end up? Your stories have made me fond of them, too.

[backwoodsbob]

17. buddy is mine..oreo is hers..katie..dont know

I'm leaning towards leaving Katie here...she is comfortable here and has grown up on the hill.

Buddy is mine :)..we already agree buddy is mine..he's my baby..I love that dog like no other animal I ever owned.

She agrees buddy belongs with me..he adores me and I adore him.

on edit:as far as the cats..milkshake and doc``they are``well``like herding cats.They are staying with the mrs and will be well taken care of.

[defendandprotect]

12. Hi -- oh, sorry to hear --

Well, I'm hanging out here at the moment waiting for someone
to help me with my sideways computer --

I'll always give advice -- it's been awful when anyone took it!!
My son separated from his wife about 4 years ago and it's been nothing but a disaster in every way -- for both of them.
They're not actually divorced - just separaed - can't afford it.
They got battered by financial difficulties. She had to
renegotiate the house and finally couldn't hold on to it -- took
a huge loss. He didn't really have enough to support himself --
though they thought financially they'd be fine.
Thank heavens the friendship is real cause theyr'e very dependent
upon one anothe rstill -- and seeing more and more of one another but we presume just as friends. They bail one anohter out when
they can and still see a lot of one another. I love them both
like mad -- but they can both drive you really crazy -- in exactly
the same way. We thought why worry, they're mature adults and
know what they're doing. How can that be when I still don't know
what I'm doing.

Truly hope someone has some good advice for you --

Meanwhile :hug:

[seabeyond]

13. wish the best to you.... and the wife. if you are going to do it

might as well do it as you all are.

[Faygo Kid]

14. Don't make any big decisions for the next year.

Give yourself a chance to get through this. It isn't easy. How long were you married? That will have an impact.

[lunatica]

16. Just remember that being alone doesn't necessarity mean being lonely

You might end up realizing you really like your new found independence. You can make choices all by yourself without having to consult your spouse. You can make friends she wouldn't necessarily like. You can enjoy your own company, your own tv shows, your own music, without anyone being upset or put off.

I like my independence. Been divorced for more than 15 years after being married for 15 years.

[backwoodsbob]

21. yeah I'm three days alone

and I'm liking it.It isnt the same as when I move out and I know that but this whole single thing for the first time in my life is exciting.I'm kinda enjoying this.

I Love her dearly but this is for the best for both of us.

She likes Shania Twain..I like Kid Rock

She likes the Oak Ridge Boys..I like Eminem

She lkes jay_z..I like Rush

It is what it is..we both love each other but know we can never be happy together....she wants to fly into Miami for some country concert and I want to drive to Detroit for the redwings playoffs.we are that different.

It was a fun 7 years and i love her to death..she is special and a GREAT hearted person...it just wasn't meant to be

[backwoodsbob]

22. i would never wish ill upon her

and will probably watch over her for the rest of my life...I love her and low be the fool who hurts her....for the wrath of the mighty shall smile upon them with a fury that shall make the Gods themselves tremble before my wrath.

and I pity the fool :)

[MiddleFingerMom]

18. If you're not already doing so, look for some volunteer opportunity to help others.

.
.
.
NOTHING gets you out of the inevitable "WOE IS ME" dumps than focusing
on the needs of others.
.
Helps you feel better about yourself, too -- needed by someone... which
is something you MAY be unprepared to find that YOU need in the coming
months, if not longer. Buddy MAY not be enough of or for that.
.
Try not to escape in substances or obsessions (I spent what I call "My
Soggy Year" coming out of that -- and am fortunate to have gotten out
of it as easily as I did... many NEVER get out of it).
.
.
.
And, oh yeah.
.
.
:hug:
.
.
.

[DFW]

19. No advice, but best wishes

I know about as much about divorce as I know about medieval Mongolian grammar.

But if your breakup is amicable, then neither of you should begrudge the other
if you find someone new. That is already a good start, and a good foundation
to build on when you do find someone new. No one wants wants to hear from a
new divorcé(e) how evil their recent ex is.

[Lucinda]

20. My divorce was easy and the best thing I ever did for myself

I had no rough spots, but was pretty busy at the time. It sounds like you guys are in good shape all the way around... Time for a new chapter in your life!

[backwoodsbob]

23. yeah pretty much

dont get me wrong..it hurts..I love her...and she loves me...but we know we will never see eye to eye.

Freindliest divorce ever...she offered me a ride to work tomorrow.

We will both be fine :grouphug:

Me and Buddy will just have to annoy people more often :)

[Lucinda]

29. If you both know it's time - it will likely stay pretty uncomplicated

And people are fun to annoy! :)

[kimi]

24. I'm sorry

but wow. Really nice to hear the other side of things, how it can be so civil.

My split was not the same. Bad feelings all the way around (and then, the first relationship afterwards, bad again). So, sounds like YOU could give OTHERS advice.

Only advice, is that when you start dating again - I'm assuming you will, of course :) - have it known from the git-go what the expectations are. But other than that, what others have said, get involved in stuff, maybe travel a bit, keep up the great attitude. You're doing fine, seems to me!

[kalli007]

25. My advice is - be prepared for the

heartbreak to hit. I was in your situation, left a committed relationship of 6 years - very amicably. We even lived together for a few months while we were broke up while my house was getting ready. I thought it was all good -- until I got moved into that house and reality hit. My relationship was over, really OVER. I am not saying that ya'll havent thought this through - I am sure that you have are most likely are doing the best thing. But I wish I would have known that when it really happened, it was gonna hurt like hell. Being that I wasnt aware of that, me and the ex tried desperately to make it work for another year or so, creating many new wounds in the process.

So, I think you are gonna do just fine, just understand that when it hits it may hit like a ton of bricks.

[Auggie]

26. Start dating immediately

You don't need to make any commitments, just get the past behind you and move on. I regret that it took me so long to start going out after my divorce. I missed out on a lot of fun.

On edit: Really sorry to hear about your situation. Divorce is hard.

[Brickbat]

27. You're in my thoughts, Bob.

No words of advice, although I do think it's important for everyone to live alone at some point in their lives. I did before I got married and I loved it.

[applegrove]

28. vibes to you and here's to a great new beginning (when you are ready for it).

[blueamy66]

30. No advice either.

Just be happy.

My ex and I divorced amicably as well.

You'll find your niche.....

[Mutley]

31. Work very hard to stay civil, especially if there are kids involved.

It makes things much easier on everyone. :hug:

Edit: Oh, and I don't know who will be keeping that beautiful puppy dog of yours, but if it's not you, I recommend getting a pet. They are wonderful for combating loneliness.

Edit2: So, I just read the replies AFTER posting mine, and realize there is one adult kid, and the puppy is yours. Still... :P :hug:

[RedCloud]

32. Plenty of free Internet advice here!

1. Try not to dwell on this.
2. Find something new to do.
3. Say phrases that mean a lot to you.
4. Try to become the younger person you once were before you got together.
5. Don't rush into any new relationship.
6. Hang out with other divorcees.
7. And remember this, it took several thousand generations to produce you. So you are never alone. There are bits and pieces of all those inside you. You are practically your own city!

[Baclava]

33. Sounds familiar - I gave up two houses and two cars to my ex's. What you want to know?

I prescribe a nice little trip to Costa Rica...see the world, live a little.