my divorce gets weirder by the day :)

[backwoodsbob]

as those who know me know myself and the wife separated about ten days ago..and she has moved into her parents house at the bottom of our hill.

sunday she spent the day up here and we talked(among other things)and she explained to me that she doesn't want a divorce but she does want to separate.She says she has always been controlled by her family(true)and that she has never had a chance to just be alone..truly alone..to figure out who she is and what she wants.I'm still in our home and now the arrangement is..because of our 8,000 first time buyer money we got..that me and her son are going to live here and keep the place going until our three years required is up(about 14 more months)and then we are going to put the place up for sale.

NOW she just talked to me because her parents are driving her crazy telling her what an awful mother and wife she is.....because they have always controlled her and she has been there little maid and gopher since we moved here and they don't want her to leave.She wants to..and I told her yes..move back up here until May 20th..the day she plans to start her little grand adventure.She says it made her open her eyes that the one person who didn't judge her was the man she was leaving.

Now she says if she still loves me in 14 months..and that she does love me,and she finds a place that makes her happy,would I move to her.

This is getting to be like a cheesy romance novel.One minute I want to hold her and the next I want to choke her.

Her parents are EXTREMELY manipulative and she is finally starting to figure that out.EVERY friend we have warned her when she(through her parents) pushed for us to buy this property 1/4 mile from them that we would end up divorced.

Weird shit indeed :P :nopity:

[backwoodsbob]

1. oh and BTW

when I got home buddy put away 3 1/2 of the BIG cans of pedigree beef chunks...i think i found the food NOT to feed him...he loves it so much he gorges on it if I let him and tonight I just let him.

[Angry Dragon]

2. His inner soul is a Clydesdale

[backwoodsbob]

3. his inner soul is a glutton

half horse..half mouth


edit:he is up to 131..officially the biggest dog I have ever owned...and yes I weighed him before I fed him :)

[givemebackmycountry]

16. Backwards Bob -

I love that dog but damn!
He's bigger and weighs more than one of your ATV's!

Hope you are doing well my friend.
Hang in there.
It will get better.

[backwoodsbob]

23. doing good and thanks

looking forward to *hopefully* fantasy football season

:pals: :hug:

[siligut]

6. Maybe buddy is responding to the weird shit

From my experience, animals are much more in-tune than usually believed. Take care of him and it sounds like you are very understanding, I hope things work out, however it goes.

[rurallib]

4. I shouldn't say this, but I am so curious as this goes on

it is getting a bit of a soap opera feel to it.
I sort of went through something similar, but no children involved.
She left in the middle of the night one night. We then went through almost a dating relationship. With some strange twists.
One day I finally realized that staying with her would be detrimental to my health. So I quit taking her calls etc.

[backwoodsbob]

5. this one into a much higher level of 3d chess weird

Her parents have made her into a mess and she is FINALLY starting to figure that out.She apologized to me for ever getting near her family.

It's just weird.I DO understand what she is going through.She has literally been under her families thumb all her life...her and her ex lived next door to her parents and we live 1/4 mile away and they use her mercilessly.

Just a weird situation for me

[Missy Vixen]

7. IMHO

She sounds confused. She also sounds like she still loves you.

Would she consider counseling at all?

Is there any other way to get out of that house?

Again, just my opinion. I hope for the best for you and your family.

[backwoodsbob]

8. no way out of house

she does still love me...she just needs time to find herself.

I hate it but I love her

[rurallib]

9. In my case her father hated my guts

and she was pretty dependent on him. So every time she saw him I was living with a really different person.
BTW - he hated my guts because I was raised Catholic. He was set on breaking us up from the day he met me. Took him 7 years and nearly ruined my life.

You don't marry the person, you marry the family.

[madinmaryland]

10. Good lord, man! Your wife's parents sound like my wife's parents.

My MIL can reduce my wife to tears in a matter of seconds with just one comment. Fortunately, they live 1000 miles away from us. They spent five weeks with us when our daughter was born, and we damn near got a divorce then!!

Good Luck!!

[one_voice]

11. About 15 years ago...

my husband and I separated for about six months. To make a long story short, I still loved him and he loved me. Sometimes it got ugly, other times we couldn't stay away from each other. Like a soap opera. I swear it was the best thing that happened to us. As hard as it was, it made us both step back and really see the other person. I knew I still loved him when we separated, but didn't know if we would work. During the separation, I realized that he's the only person I ever want to be with. He also learned some things, and our marriage was stronger after the separation. We'll be married 21 years this December.

You never know how things will turn out. Whatever happens, I wish you both strength and peace.

[City of Mills]

12. I feel bad for her

And for you...sounds like she's been controlled her whole life, first by your parents, and then by you (don't mean that in a bad way, just in the way she seems to not have much control over her life)...screwy parents can really mess a person up. Maybe she's never felt really free or independent, and resents not having that opportunity. Your story sounds a bit like mine. I hope it works out for the best for both of you, you both sound like smart people dealing with some tough circumstances.

[alphafemale]

13. wait...wot? But didn't she shave your dog or something?

No adult should ever live in the same neighborhood as their parents.

:hi:

[riderinthestorm]

14. Uh Bob, hate to break it to you, but what you are describing IS marriage....

"One minute I want to hold her and the next I want to choke her..."

I think your wife really does love you but perhaps you both need to understand that relationships really ARE just like that. It takes years, patience, commitment and endurance to get to that tranquil peace that you want and desire for your marriage. Don't ask me how long, I'm still not there yet with my husband of 25 years but I just know that we're gonna get there!!!

:7 Good luck! Honestly, I think you both stand a good chance of being together still in a year. Hang in there.

[pscot]

15. Tell her fer shure

to give you a call in 14 months and if you're still interested maybe you can get together.

[BlueIris]

17. All best to you best, but...

I really hope the two of you just agree to kill this thing dead before it gets any worse. Kill the marriage that is, not your plans for ending it.

[kurtzapril4]

18. I don't mean to be mean at all

but it sounds like she has learned lessons from her family very well. She is manipulating you. "If she still loves you in 14 months?" WTF?!! You're supposed to wait until she makes up her mind? Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it, too. She's using you. Been there. Do what is best for YOU. Don't fall for any sob stories. While you're waiting for 14 months for her to decide whether you're in or out...you'll be living right next to her family. Then if she decides you're in...you have to uproot and move to wherever she decides? Everything about this situation sounds very, very, very unfair to YOU.

Look...I come from a very toxic family. I walked away. I had to. Hardest thing I've ever done. I have a decent life now, and I am grateful for it.

[backwoodsbob]

24. no no no no

i made it clear to her up front that I wasn't going to sit around being a hermit..she understands that.What I meant by that,and I worded it badly,was that we would keep in touch and if we both felt like we could make this work down the road...not necessarily 14 months from now..that we would see how it goes.

edit:as a matter of fact one of my buddies was over Monday and we were talking about going to the new karaoke bar in town. I can do a respectable impersonation of 2 people..Bonn Scott and..well...Kid Rock.

He said they are all going to have to get me back in the dating scene by ..quote..pimping me up..as Kid rock at the bar and getting me to sing.One of my buddies we were talking to said it best...he may be Kid Rock..but he gets laid.

[snooper2]

19. If I can ask how old is she?

[raccoon]

20. “If somebody is controlling you, THEY are not the problem.”

I heard that once, and I think it's totally true.

If your wife’s parents are controlling her, and she is an adult of sound mind, then SHE needs to do something about it.

My father was still letting his mother control him when he was in his 40's. NOT a good situation.

[KurtNYC]

21. I think there a lot of relationships that don't make sense to

those outside of the relationship. That's why it's called "love" and not something rational and logical. You must love her or you wouldn't put up with this.

In my experience, people who think they need to "find themselves" are in denial. They are actually running away from themselves and trying on imaginary personas. I wish you both peace.

[RedCloud]

22. Hey we had some money riding on this!