For those who have teenagers, what age did you allow them to be on facebook?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

and how do you control what they have access to and who has access to them?

[Divameow77]

1. Mine is 13

and I allow Facebook but I set his privacy settings and I have complete access to his account whenever I want. I also made him "friend" me }(

[Rosie1223]

2. High School -- so about 15

Our rule was you can't friend anyone you don't already know in person. Now that they're in college it's "don't post anything you wouldn't want your grandmother or a potential employer to see".

:hi:

[Brickbat]

3. Before he was a teen. But I have the login info, and he knows I can log in at any time, read

anything, and monitor constantly. He's friends with me and his grandparents and other relatives, as well as his friends.

ETA: There will come a time when I will let him change the login info to something I don't know, so it can be his own private account. We haven't decided when that will be, but if he does it without us having that conversation, he will not be on the computer at all anymore. At this point, I don't think he'd know how to change it even if he wanted to.

[HopeHoops]

4. 15.

[Deep13]

5. Okay, let me see if I understand what the parents here are saying.

Folks here who have teenaged children--people who grew up with local video rentals stores, cassette tapes, no cellular telephones, floppy disks, maybe rotary phones, typewriters and no internet of any kind--think they are able to control what their teenaged children can access on the computer. Uh-huh, sure. What's to stop them from keeping two sets of books: the websites they show you and the websites they keep under an alias? I'm 43 and I managed to figure out how to do that (to keep things from my employer and to avoid constantly arguing with my right-wing relatives.)

[InvisibleTouch]

6. I'm your age, Deep13...

...and I still wouldn't friend my mom on Facebook. There are elements of my life that I just don't want to argue about with her. I totally get what you're saying.

[Rosie1223]

7. There's nothing to stop them, of course.

I don't pretend that I control it, just make rules for it's use. There are consequences if they break the rules, however. They probably break the speed limit when I'm not in the car with them too. But they're paying their own speeding ticket.

[Deep13]

19. Wow.

So if a teenager ends up being exploited by some internet con artist or ends up being seriously disgraced in some way, well that's just his or her own fault then.

Rules only count if the kids comply with them.

[Rosie1223]

20. of course not.

That's why we also discussed privacy and about creepy people that are not always who they appear to be. I try to explain why we have rules so my teens will be more likely to comply. If they are driving and someone crashes into them and they get injured, it is not their fault. But they should always be careful drivers to try to avoid accidents and bad drivers. Likewise,they should be careful on-line in the same manner.

[riderinthestorm]

21. Smart phones have the same internet capability as laptops or desktops

Your teen can, and probably is, online while on the on the bus, while they are waiting for you to pick them up, when they are at a friends house, even at their local library.

If your kid doesn't have their own smart phone, their friends do. They'll just use their friends. Or go to the library or elsewhere there is public access.

IMO, trying to stop a teen getting online only promotes them sneaking online. A fact of life in our era is that we have this internet accessibility. I think its really unrealistic to think they aren't using it even if you've forbidden it.

I'd rather we had discussions about responsible usage, and that I have access to what they are doing daily. I also thing that giving a teen the chance to be trustworthy first is a better way to use my energy as well since raising teens is exhausting enough!

[riderinthestorm]

11. Exactly. Anyone who thinks their angel teen isn't surreptitiously using Facebook

is smoking something.

Mine had an account when she asked for it (she was 12) but I have the log-in passwords and I'm a friend, as are her aunts, uncles, cousins, dad, older sister etc. She has a lot of eyes on her. But since it was never forbidden, she never has snuck around (or her older sister would have caught her for sure) so I'm about as close to 100% confident that I am monitoring her entire usage.

It's easy for a kid to have an "anonymous" FB profile that only the kid has access to via smartphones, ITouch's, other kids' computers and more. I'd much rather not "fight" her over technology usage by setting age restrictions thereby increasing the likelihood of her choosing to go behind my back, and would far rather work with her on it and monitor it.

And now, just as she's getting into dangerous high school waters (she's nearing the end of 8th grade, soon to be a high schooler, 14 yrs old), she's pretty bored with it. Suits me.

[Brickbat]

14. I know whenever my kid is on a computer, because I control the computer.

:shrug:

[Deep13]

18. He or she never has access to any other computers?

Maybe you're right. I have no way of knowing, of course. It just seems like wishful thinking to me.

[Brickbat]

22. At school, where FB and other sites are blocked. At grandparents', where we see what he's doing.

Only very rarely at friends' houses -- instead they're usually off in the woods, running around town, or geeking out over imagined worlds.

My kids just don't have a whole lot of access. They have no cell phones or smart iPods or anything. It's not that I keep them on a tight leash; I just make it clear that there are a lot better things they could be spending their time on.

[soleiri]

8. My sons are 17 and 15

I would have let them use facebook when they entered high school.
With some monitoring, of course, as I do with all of their internet access.
They, however, think facebook is a complete waste of time and want nothing to do with it.


and they're too busy with important stuff like playing Yu-Gi-Oh!

[PassingFair]

9. I think my youngest was 13...she wrote up a contract for on-line behavior....

and we both signed it.

I have it around here somewhere...I'll try to scan
it and post it.

She's 15 now, and up until about 3 months ago, she
had to use the computers in the "office" and was
not allowed to use a computer in her room, so she
had to deal with everyone walking by and reading
over her shoulder all the time.

Now that she's 15, I let her have a laptop in her
room...it's easier that having to watch "Victorious"
"I Carly" episodes on the family TV all the time....

[surrealAmerican]

10. You never exactly have control.

I can't remember exactly what age they started accounts at, but they were fully aware that anything they posted was public information that could get them in serious trouble in the real world.

Neither of my teens particularly likes facebook, and they think many of their peers misuse it in hazardous ways.

[LuckyStrykes]

12. The only computer with internet access is mine

After 20 years of working in the juvenile court system I've learned that some of the problems parents have with children within the home can easily be avoided by eliminating the root of the problem.

Even if you think you know everything your child is doing on the computer, you don't. Every time we have subpoenaed computer records and/or ran forensics on a computer involved with a crime, the parent(s) had no idea what their child was really doing over the internet. Goes for cell phones too. You may think you are are monitoring them, but you can't control something as incalculable as the web. They don't need internet access for socialization skills or for learning purposes.

[Forkboy]

13. If I had kids the age limit for going outside would be 107.

:)

[JCMach1]

15. 12, but we have heavy rules

and we monitor all of their online activity... It is part of the culture here and usually used in conjunction with mobile phones. It is one of the main ways teen girls keep in touch and communicate when not in school.

[seabeyond]

16. my kids at 13 and 16 dont use facebook or myspace. though i say no, they agree. nt

[kimi]

17. My kids came of age when Facebook really took off

A couple of my 5 boys use it for social stuff, the others have no time for it. (Hopefully, they are working too hard, so that they do not come back onto the MOM payroll.)

If I had to make that decision now, it would depend on the age of the kid, how well you know and trust his/her instincts, and also how well you know his/her FB friends. FB has some privacy standards now which dis-allow my viewing of my kids' stuff, but then again, I'm damn sure that I don't want them seeing some of my links. (I'm not a pervert or anything, it would just probably make for awkward conversation at a family reunion.)

Knowing your kid is key here. If you have questions, concerns, about who and what he/she is associating with, DO NOT hesitate to get involved. Parents NOT being involved in what their kids get up to can be a real problem down the line. I know this, cause I kept my mom out of stuff that as a parent now, I would have clamped down on when I saw trouble.

Didn't mean to get so wordy. My point would be, I guess, know the teenager. It sounds like an impossible task, but trying is better than nothing.