Under what circumstances do you think it might be acceptable to cheat on an SO?

[SOteric]

No, this isn't a thinly veiled reference to my own circumstances. It's sheerly philosophical based on some issues a friend is wrestling with and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around. DUers so often provide me with alternative viewpoints to a situation so I thought I'd run this one past you good people and see what comes up.

Now, for the purposes of this inquiry, we're not talking about polyamorous relationships, we're not talking about open relationships. We're strictly speaking looking at the circumstance of people who've promised to be faithful but later, often with the addition of deceit and subterfuge, elected not to be.

[taterguy]

1. None

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. This cannot end well.

[SOteric]

3. Yes, I agree.

I'm having a hard time understanding why a normally bright, exceptionally stable person would make this choice.

[MilesColtrane]

32. If a person is solipsistic enough, they can easily recast their betrayal...

with wispy, romantic twaddle such as, "the heart wants what the heart wants".

People can find all kinds of justifications for being selfish pigs.

[WildEyedLiberal]

41. +1

Nothing to add to this.

[BlueIris]

4. Zip, zero, zilch.

Cheaters are weak. If it's that hard to remain monogamous, get out. If you've already devolved to the point where you don't care about the other partner's feelings or physical health, you don't deserve to remain in the relationship anyway. In many ways, the relationship is already gone by the time you've considered cheating. Your partner deserves better. Move on.

[SOteric]

6. Exactly.

Everyone involved deserves better.

[pintobean]

5. Never. Its called cheating for a reason.

[OmahaBlueDog]

7. Acceptable? No. But here is a scenario few envision

You are young -- 20's 30s. Your spouse is in an accident, or has an early life stroke or anyeurism. As a result, they are permenantly, totally disabled, and must spend the rest of whatever in a skilled nursing setting. You're not going to divorce in all likelihood -- that would be heartless. But you are human - you have needs. So... what to do...?

[SOteric]

9. Excelent point.

That certainly seems (at least as presented) to be a both rational and caring choice. It's not anything close to a factor in the scenario I'm trying to understand, --but I do thank you for providing some interesting food for thought. :hi:

[Moondog]

11. There are similar,

even more numerous, scenarios for those in their 50s and 60s. And at that age they are more than theoretical possibilities. They occur with distressing regularity.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

47. good word

theoretical.

[JohnnyLib2]

23. Alzheimers, early onset, can be added to that list.

Maybe the word "cheating" doesn't always apply IRL??

[struggle4progress]

8. "I seduced a guard so I could escape from the Nazi death camp, and somehow never thought

later anybody else really needed to know about it"

[SOteric]

10. LOL

:thumbsup:

[nolabear]

12. Picture a deserted island...

And I ain't talking Gilligan here.

[Bunny]

13. I'd do Gilligan, although I always thought the Professor was HOT!

:D

[rug]

19. I'd do Thurston Howell III if I was there long enough.

[SOteric]

14. Okay... I'm following...

I'm on a deserted island, only a Wilson Volleyball for company... - no way to tell if I'm alone for a week or for several years...

[Moondog]

15. Snort! You saw that movie too!

[SOteric]

17. What?!!

That Volleyball filmed it?!! Dammit I thought we were alone!

;)

[Moondog]

18. Can't trust anyone these days . . . .

[Iggo]

16. If it's acceptable, it ain't cheating.

So, None.

[Arkansas Granny]

20. I can't think of a circumstance that would make cheating acceptable.

[david13]

21. Define cheat. Lie? Like say the dress looks good/nice when you

think it looks ugly?
Come on.
dc

[flvegan]

22. Why?

You making an offer?

:rofl:

I crack me up.

[SOteric]

26. Hubba x 2, hotstuff!

(As much a hottie as you are, I'm just not wired that way. I refuse to help some fella break anyone else's heart.)

[flvegan]

30. Simple solution.

We won't tell her!!

:hide:

:rofl:

[SOteric]

33. Recent experiences assure me

that in the internet age, - all things become known, ...Tweeted about, linked to, screen capped, e-mailed, uploaded, downloaded, circulated, posted on You Tube, dished about ad nauseum, ad infinitum, ad 2 cents worth of opinions & sent 'round the world on an iphone.

But if you ever want to risk certain death and the hands of a vegan scorned, -we can talk.

[PuffedMica]

24. Then What

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQkaaX6Gxc4

[SOteric]

27. That was perfect.

Link saved! :hi:

[WinkyDink]

25. "Acceptable"? Um....none.

[Skittles]

28. with their permission

[SOteric]

29. .

:thumbsup:

[MiddleFingerMom]

36. Skittles... you have my permission to kick ANYONE else's ass.

.
.
.
.
.
.
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YES, INDEED
.
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.
.
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:evilgrin:
.
.
.

[Bucky]

31. Mostly importantly, under circumstances in which you will not get caught.

You should tell "your friend" to be discreet and maybe even arrange to get out of Seattle, or wherever she happens to live (*wink*), to reduce exposure.

[SOteric]

34. LOL

Seriously dude, - not me. I've got no one to cheat on.

[OmahaBlueDog]

50. Isn't there an old military expression "Keep your indiscretions 100 miles from the flagpole"

The flagpole being fort or post to whch you are assigned. Of course, in the age of e-mail and Facebook, 100 miles might not ven be sufficient.

[seabeyond]

35. if a person scews on a mate they lack character, integrity it is that simple

there is no reason to screw arounf on someone. if someone is in a position where they want to screw, leave the mate. have integrity, character. otherwise you are a piece of shit.

[laundry_queen]

37. What you said. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

38. oh. the games people play.

[struggle4progress]

42. !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5znh58WITU8

[Incitatus]

39. If you found out they cheated on you first.

I would make it simple. You get one so I get one.

[freshwest]

40. None. You betray yourself.

[kimi]

43. I've gotten to a point in my life

where I try not to judge others, or think what is acceptable for THEM.

My life is difficult enough, and I've made enough huge mistakes in my own life that I don't want to be a person who judges others based on my moral views. That's just me.

I figure - yeah, I may have a bias one way or the other. But who am I to deem what is or is not acceptable for someone else? That's a personal issue for THAT person to decide.

JMHO.

[dawg]

44. Heh heh heh .... you really want to know what I think?

I could literally go on for days about this. My wife cheating on me was the single most devastaing thing that has happened in my life. I'll survive it, but I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.

Cheaters don't think of themselves as being cruel, but that's what they are. And I don't think there is any justification.

If the other person were to cheat first, and the innocent party were somehow compelled to stay in the marriage (for financial reasons or otherwise), they might feel tempted to cheat, and feel like they had some justification. But that would still be horribly wrong, and I think the person would feel demeaned and cheapened by their own actions. At least, I would.

Besides, who in their right minds would want to share their body in such an intimate way, with a person so lacking in integrity they didn't care about the violation of one of the most important vows a person can make in this brief life. If you are cheating, and the person you are cheating with knows you are married, you are fucking a piece of scum.

Why would you want to do that?

[lizziegrace]

45. I can't think of a single instance

if you want to cheat, get out of the relationship you're currently in. Even 10 years cannot erase the pain, humiliation, loss of trust and anger you experience when someone you trusted and gave your heart to decides he'd rather be with someone else and lie about it until finally caught cheating.

Just my 2 cents...

[ScreamingMeemie]

46. Never. Not ever.

My husband and I always promised each other that, if "the spark spluttered", we would discuss it and then move on. To do anything else is disrespectful, self esteem crushing and hurtful.

[PassingFair]

48. Not EVER?

[freshwest]

51. Agreed. You liberated yourselves from self-deceit.

[applegrove]

49. If there is a problem in the marriage, counselling should be tried. If that doesn't fix things then

people should think about separation.

[RedCloud]

52. So SOteric's question involves cheating on a SO, eh?

There are times when the humans cannot resist the impulse, especially younger ones with no divorce issues facing them.

That said humans are NOT monogamous. Cultures dictate often that they should be. The larger cultures practice monogamy to a certain extent. The more numerous smaller ones practice polyandry and polygamy.

So I would say in the pseudo monogamous major culture, tell your SO. These can be painful times but in the long run it is the right thing to do.

Many moons ago a young lady was telling me her TV induced philosophy such as once a cheater always a cheater! This obviously does not allow ground for change.

As that turned out she went away on a vacation while we were together and cheated on me saying she ran into an old flame who did not even recognize her, blah blah blah. According to her she did "not" need to tell me, I never would have found out, and a mutual friend who saw her made her tell me. I knew then we were through.

I pointed out to her that because she got a new car prior to leaving, I was going to change the oil for her when she got back. So I had written down her mileage. She had allegedly gone over one thousand miles to New Orleans during the summer.

The rest of the conversation was a scream.
So you went in that vehicle all the way to New orleans? (yes)
You who cannot stay awake for more than one hour at a time in car did this? (Yes)
Did you know that bugs tend to commit suicide on windshields in the summer (what?)
And did you discover that Louisiana had moved almost 965 miles closer to us? (WTF?)

That's right your round trip was only 70 miles! And do you recall that your previous guy lived on Louisiana street about 35 miles from here? That was your New orleans visit!