Co-sleeping with your baby -- neglect no matter what?

[moriah]

http://www.newstimes.com/news/article/W-Ind-woman-admits-neglect-in-infant-s-death-1422431.php

"Investigators have said her 7-week-old baby boy suffocated while sleeping in bed with her last December and that Loveland was warned several times against the practice."

Okay, I've read a bit on this story. It looks like the mom had marijuana and prescription anxiety medications detectable in her urine, but was not drunk and they couldn't prove from the drug test that she was intoxicated at the time. (I know Xanax can show up in your bloodstream at least five days after the last pill taken). It seems like the case is resting on the fact that she'd been told that it was possible to roll over on your baby.

I feel that is a dangerous legal precedent, especially when you have pediatricians like Dr. Sears recommending cosleeping, and not all doctors preach against it. There are many different choices parents have to face, and when pediatricians themselves disagree with each other on the subject, can a parent be held criminally accountable for choosing to listen to the wrong advice?

I'm not too poutraged over this particular case because it's possible she was intoxicated, but it's not proven.... and if they're not including the tox screen results in why they're charging her, then it's really just boiling down to "You knew some people said this was dangerous". BTW: I don't buy the argument some people use to justify cosleeping -- the "It's been done for centuries" spiel -- because I remember several times I was left in a hot car as a young child. It was done all the time back then. But I've never seen a doctor recommend leaving your kid in a hot car.

[seabeyond]

1. but it has been done forever, and it is rare something happens. they say dont lie baby on stomach

no wait, dont lie on back, wait, stomach, back, stomach, in the crib.

yet still there are times the baby died.

did she roll and suffocate

or was it sid, like so many of the other babies?

i had one baby the worst sleeper. we were always exhausted. especially me. i tried to keep the sleepless nights from hubby. he liked sleeping with us. i would find self on end of bed. he would scoot to cocoon under body. one morning hubby was pulling me back onto the bed. i subconsciously tried giving baby space while i slept. another child wouldnt sleep with us for anything.

one child would only sleep on belly. no matter, couldnt get him to sleep on side

what am i going to do as a parent? try to make a newborn sleep in a position that doesnt work for him?

scary as hell being parent of newborns and older

[Kali]

2. oooh

this could be as good as circumcision :popcorn:

[moriah]

3. I was kinda afraid it was going to rehash an old debate....

... but while I know that the right for someone to breastfeed their circumcised child at Olive Garden is controversial, I didn't recall one on cosleeping.

[Kali]

4. I seem to recall getting in on one some time ago

there was the usual pattern of righteous indignation and know-it-all pronouncements, plenty of sanctimonious comments and anecdotal "evidence"

don't remember if is got to the level of a classic DU flame war, but it did/does have potential!

I kept my firstborn in bed with me as he seemed to need feeding EVERY FREAKING 20 minutes until the day he weaned himself cold turkey - just quit. The boy has always been a little odd that way.:rofl:

The second one ended up being a bottle baby after about 7 months - even chugging canned milk in emergencies. He won't drink any kind of milk (other than a milk shake) now, not even in a bowl of cereal although most other dairy is fine with him. He slept in a crib from pretty early on, even at the other end of the house for a while.

[moriah]

5. I'm not a parent yet... I couldn't cosleep.

But that's because I have a waterbed. Plus I'm really, really fond of pillows and thick comforters... then again, I'm also fond of sleep, something I'll have to learn to live without. When it's actually put to the test, we'll see which I am more fond of .... sleep or my nice comfy squishy horribly dangerous for an infant bed. ;) I've seen some of the bassinets that attach to the bed and it seems like a reasonable middle ground for babies who aren't needing the full physical contact that actually being in bed with the parent gives.

I know my parents coslept with me when I had colic because the only way to get me to shut up was for me to have physical contact with one of them (it only ended after Mom stopped BFing, she'd tried to cut a lot of things out of her diet but never cut out dairy, which I'm allergic to). And I honestly don't know which is more dangerous... sleeping with your kid, or not getting any sleep and then driving with your kid in the car.

[seabeyond]

6. see, that is the thing

each baby so uniquely different, and already honed to their own.

your post reminds me of my oldest, the one that did sleep with us, that always had to be cocooned by our body. he was a naked on naked baby. good thing it was late spring he was born. he was colic-ee. and the calm for him was for hubby or i to take off shorts and do skin on skin. i have so many pictures of hubby napping with baby sleeping on his chest or tuck almost under him.

my other was not a comfort baby. those comforts never appeased him

[xmas74]

8. My daughter co-slept.

She was also a late spring/early summer baby and preferred skin on skin. She couldn't soothe herself, no matter what I did. She also nursed nonstop.

The only thing that comforted her was to snuggle down with me. She would sleep in a diaper and as soon as she could would wiggle and squirm until she was against my stomach or breasts. She liked the warmth and the heartbeat would soothe her.

She still climbs in sometimes when she really feels that she needs some comfort.

[xmas74]

7. I think I remember one a few years ago

and it was nasty, though not at epic levels.

[Name removed]

9. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[marzipanni]

10. 'side-car bed'

Hubby built it from 3/4 " plywood and it had a groove formed by two long pieces of wood under the edge that fit snugly onto the lip of our low platform bed.
It fit like a crib-sized three-sided box between our bed and the wall with foam mattresses on our bed and the 'side-car bed' at the same level.
Our son was born in October, and our house was chilly at night, so when he needed to nurse during the night I pulled him toward me where the beds converged- no one ever had to get out of bed.

[mcctatas]

11. I co-slept with all three of mine

the little monsters all made it out alive, my mom co-slept with my siblings and I, we made it out alive too. That being said, I became a very light sleeper as soon as my first child was born (probably BECAUSE I was terrified of squishing her) and I still wake up at the slightest touch or noise :shrug:

[kimi]

12. No, IMO, it's not neglect no matter what

This is a sad case. Specially if the mom was high or drunk.

But co-sleeping in and of itself is not that big a deal. Some kids need that sort of comfort, that touch, it soothes them. Other kids, not so much. I say, whatever gits you and the young-un through the night -- cause believe it or not (and sometimes you REALLY do not believe it) they DO outgrow, or learn to deal with, the separation anxiety. But if it gives the child some sense of safety or comfort, IMO it's worth it in the long run.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

13. Moms have slept with babies since time immemorial in order to breast feed

That's the way ALL indigenous societies have done it, to facilitate milk to the baby whenever the baby became hungry, and to provide human warmth and a feeling of safety. I think there's lots more to this story, you know?