Dumb criminal of the month?

[Blue_Tires]

According to a police report, the bizarre scene occurred yesterday at 7:30 in the morning in Overtown. Miami Police Det. Arana was helping put out a car fire on NW 3rd Avenue and 11th Street when he saw a Silver Pontiac Bonneville drive the wrong direction down the one-way road towards him.

Perhaps it was the early morning hour, but the car's driver, Jovens Esperance Esperance (not a typo), promptly parked the car just a few doors down from the cop (Mistake #1)

He and his buddy, 18-year-old Christopher Jaime Sealy, then stepped out of the Bonneville and walked towards Arana (Mistake #2).

When Arana asked Esperance for his driver's license, the 19-year-old quickly said admitted that he didn't have one (Mistake #3).

​Even then, Esperance might have gotten off with just a hefty ticket. But when Arana searched the gold-toothed youth, he allegedly found a clear baggie full of cocaine inside a Newport cigarette box (Mistake #4). Where was this coke hidden, you ask? Why, in Esperance's front shirt pocket (Mistake #5).

http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2011/08/moron_of_the_week_cocaine_ak-4.php

it gets worse -- five more mistakes after that...

[TreasonousBastard]

1. My all-time favorite dumb crook was the guy...

who was his own attorney in a robbery case.

He cross examined the victim asking her "Who robbed you?"

"You."

"No, really, who robbed you?"

"You."

As he was walking back to the defense table, the jurors heard him mutter "I knew I should've killed the bitch."


No link, and it may be an urban legend, but it's fun anyway.

[struggle4progress]

2. ... man stole credit card, called bank ...

Police say man stole credit card, called bank to see how much money he could spend
By Abigail Curtis, BDN Staff
Posted Aug. 12, 2011, at 4:03 p.m.
Last modified Aug. 12, 2011, at 8:20 p.m.

BELFAST, Maine — Police say a Lincolnville man accused of stealing a credit card was caught this week after he called the issuing bank to check how much credit he had left.

Jesse Grinnell, 22, recently stole a backpack from a vehicle parked at Francine Bistro in Camden, according to police reports. Camden police contacted police in Belfast on Aug. 9 to alert them that the stolen card had been used twice at Belfast Variety in Belfast. A total of $165 in charges had been illegally racked up on the card, police said.

The video surveillance system at Belfast Variety captured footage of the two fraudulent transactions, but no one recognized the man using the card.

However, when Grinnell allegedly called the Bank of America to double-check the remaining credit on the stolen card, the bank automatically recorded his phone number ...

http://bangordailynews.com/2011/08/12/news/midcoast/police-say-man-stole-credit-card-called-bank-to-see-how-much-money-he-could-spend/