Warning & advice to FTAA protestors

[brainshrub]

Please watch yourselves. The normal rules of political discourse do not apply in South Florida, it's leaders come from families who are used to being allowed to kill & torture dissenters. Protestors should think of themselves as civil-rights workers in the deep south during the 60s: The city fathers hate you and will do almost anything to shut you up. (More so than the rest of the nation.)

Here are some things you should know. Some are funny, others are dead serious...but everything is 100% true.:

1) South Florida was built on land ponzi-schemes, cocaine, political intrigue, tourism and immigration. Everything else is just show.

2) Miami is the de-facto capital of South America. The locals know it, the power structure knows it...and they do not like uppity anti-globalization people on their turf. Most of the companies that you will be protesting have private armies that kill people like you in South America.

3) DO NOT FUCK WITH THE POLICE!!! Miami cops are especially dangerous...they are just as ruthless as the LAPD, but they're much smarter and they cover their tracks better. Broward police are just as bad, but they don't have the brains.

4) Note to anarchists: Please re-read #3. Stay home...you will only be giving an excuse to the police to crack heads. The FTAA protest in Miami is no place to vent your teenage angst.

5) Many anti-Castro Cubans make the NeoConservatives in the rest of the country look like pussy-cats. The CIA has been hiring them for decades. Do not provoke an anti-Castro activist...it's safer to douse yourself in gasoline and take up smoking.

6) Cuban sandwiches are yummy.

7) One cup of Cuban coffee will keep you awake for days. Do not be fooled by the small cup it is served in. Starbucks is for pussies.

8) Even if you can't speak Spanish, making the effort to speak Spanish is considered a compliment by the locals. No matter how badly you mutilate the language, they will be genuinely touched that you tried. These are not the French.

9) Gay organizations have been facing down the cops and doing civil disobedience in Miami for years. Plug in with them as quickly as possible. They know the ropes, will tell you how to navigate the streets. Plus, you will be invited into the coolest nightclubs & parties afterwards. :D

10) Repeat after me: "Gloria Estefan is my favorite singer."

10) Ladies: Yes, all the good-looking men in Miami are gay. Bring a napkin to wipe your drool.

11) Guys: If you want to see some hot-looking women, go the the "Publix" grocery store in South Beach. Super-models regularly go shopping there in thongs. I don't know why...they just do.

12) Here's a quick way to get in trouble: Wander away from your affinity group. GO NOWHERE ALONE.

13) Re-read #12.

14) The radio-station "Power 96" is proof that mediocre music with a beat will always be popular. I will almost guarantee you're going to hear the song: "Fantasy Girl" at least once an hour on that station. (Guuurl...yo' my fan-ta-sy Guuuuurl!)

15) Do not enter Miami unless you have a city map and a Spanish-to-English dictionary. Miami And Miami Beach are actually two different cities bridged by four major causeways over Biscayne Bay and the Intracoastal Waterway.

16) It is common for the locals to encourage the tourists dance the Lambada and then make fun of them behind their backs.

I know some of my suggestions found funny, but I am 100% serious. I was born in Argentina & raised in South Florida. I know what I'm talking about.

If anybody reading this, and lives in Miami, disagrees with ANYTHING I have written here, please post. But I will bet dollars to Yerba that you will back me up.

[SpiralHawk]

1. A word to the wise

is sufficient

[wtmusic]

2. LOL thanks

Gloria Estefan my favorite singer? Can I substitute Celia Cruz?

[brainshrub]

3. Yeah, but most people in the Mid-West don't know who she is.