Dear Abby : My Alcoholic abusive husband

[IChing]

Dear Abby

My husband the father of my children has changed. He used to be fiscal responsible, morally upright, and a responsible guardian of the land that we inherited from our ancestors.

Now, the land we own is being given away to the new religious cult he has joined, he said it was good business practice and we can write it off and the children don't use all of it anyway and selling off portions to mining and oil companies for a quick cheap sell will help us pay some of our bills. He keeps buying a lot of guns and bullets even though we can't even buy enough school supplies for our children or medicine for my sick mother.

Our business is not doing well, but the corporate members and my husband voted to give themselves a raise even though we can't afford it. Since our children are included in the corporation, I worry about what will happen if we have to claim bankruptcy. We are OK right now because we are borrowing from our Asian neighbor to help pay our company's bills.

We used to be popular in the neighborhood, but my husband, with his drinking, has cut down my eastern neighbor's tree for firewood and may have tortured the some of his pets. He said that the pets were vicious and had to be treated that way for our own safety. I don't know how long we can stay on this property, it is not even our and it costs us a lot of money every day. We visited our southern neighbors last month, but that didn't go real well either.

It also seems that my husband is looking through my mail, letters and books and is also listening to my phone calls to see if I still stand with him. He has also attacked some on my side of the family, saying that they are traitors to his beliefs. He ignored my relatives in New Orleans when they lost their house in a storm, and they still don't have a place to live. My relatives in europe are very concerned with his behavior and say that he acts like a bully now.

So my question to you Dear Abby is what should I do?
I can't leave because of the children and we have no place to go.
I know this is a co-dependent behavior but am lost on what we should do.

PS.
I have suggested counseling or AA
but he refuses to see that he has a problem.

signed
Lost in the American Dream
(Iching)

[raccoon]

1. I like it. nt

[graywarrior]

2. YES! Love it.

[Ilsa]

3. Dear Lost,

It's time to get rid of this loser and get a new president, uh, I mean husband, one who genuinely cares about his family by behaving responsibly, one who practices his spirituality by the spirit of the teachings, not the letter of some obscure law. Hopefully, amends can be made to relatives in Europe.

Drastic measures may need to be taken, such as looking at obscure divorce law so he doesn't slow you down. You need to smarten up before all is lost!


(That was a really good letter!)

[Ilsa]

4. Can I have your permission to post this on another board? eom

[IChing]

11. Yes, just give me credit. eom

[TheCowsCameHome]

5. "Send him to a farm in Texas ASAP where he can't hurt anyone else".

Best regards, Abby.

[Olney Blue]

6. Dear Lost,

Skip counseling. Get a divorce.

Signed,
Abby

[jedr]

7. "Wake up and smell the coffee" honey;

This man has lied, cheated and stole from you. Show him the door as soon as possible. Contact your local Democratic party for counseling. on edit; LOL this is great, hope it becomes a "Standard" across the country.:toast:

[Hidden Stillness]

8. There is More...

Worse, he has started doing insane things, like giving me almost illegible pieces of paper showing that all the world supports him and nobody else, with numbers and breakdowns and everything else--and it is all just made up! He pays people to say that he is right and all the rest of us are "irresponsible" for trying to solve our problems in the real world, and has even started manipulating the TV so that I can't get the news anymore, but only the same videotapes he made, full of delusions and accusations that don't make any sense. What makes it so hard to get through to him is that there are other people exploiting the situation, supporting him for their own profit. There is even a delusional "reporter" (I think) who used to pursue Nixon, who now thinks and acts as if he IS Nixon. Get me out of this nightmare, Abby!

[leesa]

9. That was very good. Send it in as LTE.

[IChing]

10. Thanks, I think I will

We are hoping for a neighborhood intervention but his relatives here don't see it that way or that he has a problem, we all live on the same property but because they drink from the same bottle and they are on the board of directors for our company we at a lost on what to do.

[MojoXN]

12. Good luck getting this published...

Brilliant though it may be.

MojoXN

[donsu]

13. wouldn't it be interesting if Abby replied

kicking

[undergroundpanther]

14. Honey your husband is a dangerous man

buy a gun. For he will if given time and more threats to his narcissism and self illusions he and no one else believes, he will if his arrogant ego is threatened kill the children and you to preserve his cherished illusions.

Get out. If you cannot escape in the dead of night,and it looks like you are too poor to,and if the police will not help you and you cannot go to them ... you have another option.

This one takes courage and a willingness to risk the illusory safety you think you have in tolerating his abuse for freedom from his tyranny in the home.. You may have to deal with it,and Intervene for your own sake yourself. It can be done with the help of your Friends and neighbors who can take it out into the street and capture him and drag him to trial,to jail by force or do away with him.But first it requires you tell the truth about your husband to YOURSELF than tell it to your neighbors and ask them for help.They may know more about how dangerous and sick your husband is than you want to admit to yourself right now.. Some observers may get involved,some may not,as is their choice but the situation you are living in is untenable. You must overthrow this man..and build a new life,or lose your life and risk your children's lives..

[IChing]

17. Your'e right of course even my southern latino neighbor calls my husband

Mr. Danger.

I'm afraid the police have no jurisdiction in the place that we live so that is not a possibility.

Thanks, Dear Abby,

for some of your suggestions
we are looking at all solutions to this problem.

[ismnotwasm]

15. Excellent

I like it!

[Neil Lisst]

16. I don't know. It's kinda subtle ...

:) NOT!!

[Catherine Vincent]

18. You should really write that to Dear Abby to see if tha paper prints it!

And to see if the reading audience get where your're coming from.

:thumbsup:

[IChing]

27. I am learning that Orwell tastes better wrapped in Dear Abby or old SNL

than using the same complimentary flavor Kafka might bring to the same cuisine of thought.

He and his family like other foods, usually it is bland food that has no spices, condiments or variety.

I do think or try sometimes to add variety and cultural excitement in my cooking but my husband and his family don't like my taste in cooking or food. He wants us to buy prepackaged, precooked, preprocessed food that is manufactured by some large company.

Does anyone know about food poisoning? Not, that I want to poison him, It just like he likes to cook for us at times and I think my children and myself are getting ill.

[stevedeshazer]

19. Love it.

Spot on.

[Freedomfried]

20. Maybe you should pack up and leave the asshole....

just a suggestion.

Freedomfried
Philippines

[blue neen]

21. Dear Lost,

This sick man has abused you. He has abused you mentally, financially, and spiritually. He has cut you off from your relatives. He has in particular destroyed your trust.

In typical alcoholic fashion, he refuses to accept responsibility for his dreadful actions. His inner circle of friends must be growing ever smaller. The ones that are left will not be able to do an effective intervention because I'm sure they are just as sick as he is.

I'm sorry to say that I don't have a quick fix for your problem. Your strongest friends will eventually rise up and band together to come to your aid. Until then, hold on to your family with all of your might.

Signed,
Dear Abby

IChing, your letter was a wonderful idea and beautifully done. Bravo!

[AuntPatsy]

22. I agree with everyone else, creativity at its finest...bravo...

[DearAbby]

23. Dear Lost,

Time to become active. Time to rid yourself of the notion, that I am alone, that there is no one out there that understands, or had walked in your shoes. There is healing in knowing that others are there. They will help you. You will help them.

Stand with those that think likewise, stand up on your two feet and be counted. Lend your voice with others, that will send a loud roar that will not be ignored.

Life is not for the meek, and some things are worth fighting for, in your case, think of your children.


If it is any comfort, I understand. I will to lend my voice to yours. I will stand with you. You are not alone.

DearAbby

[rosesaylavee]

24. Dear Lost, have you considered an intervention?

Invite as many of those who care about you and your situation - family, friends, neighbors - to a visit with your husband... He may deny that everyone is there for him alone and may even pretend that you are all not there on his lawn but you need to persevere for your children's sake! If the latter, I would suggest you bring tens of thousands of your friends with you so you will be hard to **not** notice outside his window. Next, find some close allies that will go with you into your home to confront him - firmly and reasonably - and tell him exactly how you feel and what you think needs to be get your lives back on track.

Good luck, and be sure to let me know if you need my help. I am there for you.

[Ilsa]

25. I forgot to add earlier: call the police, have him arrested,

throw him in jail and throw away the key. He won't be missed.

[IChing]

26. Thanks, Dear Abby, for your replies

Some have suggested divorce, separation or intervention.


Perhaps, I should tell you more about our family's history.

We have had only one divorce in our family history and that was almost 229 years ago. That was a messy deal with an aristocratic English guy. It was fairly violent, but my relative felt a little freer after that.

But that divorce was not as bad as the non-legal separation we had 145 years ago,
that one, I am told by my ancestors,
was really horrible, bloody and vile.
I think a divorce should have been granted at that time, but what do I know?

Some of my western neighbors have said
I must of married a third cousin on that side of the family from this time
and that is why we might be having many of the these similar problems.

We tried intervention with him, recently, in fact on September 24, 2005, a lot of my relatives showed up, but the problem was, he and his side of the family left town. Perhaps more are need for the next intervention planned for in the fall of 2006.

Right now, the dilemma is that we share in the common welfare of our children and care of my relatives, and of course, his side of the family,
He spends all the money I share with him on drinking and worthless gifts on his side of the family like there is no tomorrow and leaves little for us.

They are also hunting an illusionary animal, he says, is "dangerous and threatens our property" He said it attacked the north eastern side of our property,
there was damage and destruction I know,
but some say
his relatives really did it.
I don't know myself.
But they do like to hunt, party and drink. (it must be part of the new cult type thing, he and his side of the family have joined).


He still insists that I pay in on all of these "hobbies" also, which I do, but I am reaching a breaking point with his behavior.



(it must be part of the new cult type thing, he and his side of the family have joined, or perhaps we have just grown apart and can not reconcile).

I desperately await the last intervention we will have in the fall of 2006
because I think by 2008 it will be too late to help anyone.

thank you, Abby for letting me vent.








signed
Lost in the American Dream.

[jbnow]

28. Dear Lost,

It sounds like what you lack is the new American christianity. Shame on you, no wonder you are lost. Enter the church and be found.

The husband is the head of the wife, that is right there in the bible. How can you question him? That is not your place. It is a betrayal of your sacred vow. Ignore those who speak against him, they hate him for his strength and they are heathen commies.

When you join our church you will learn not to trouble your pretty little head. He is doing all these things to take good care of you.

You must be a woman's libber and I will pray for you and the souls of the babies you kill and so on. Our god can save you and set your mind at ease and teach you to honor your husband.

I have joined the church and give godly advise now. Please don't be fooled by the people leaving this house of blind worship, they are sinners and traitors to the lord.
Come join us and you will know your husband can do no wrong.

Sincerely and self righteously,
self proclaimed Saint Abby

[suziedemocrat]

29. It took me two reads to get it - Great!! eom.

I kept thinking man - this woman has relatives everywhere - New Orleans, Europe. LOL.

[Senator]

30. Kick (that hubby in the head)