Thank you for calling BUSHCO Customer Service.This call may be monitored

[pepperbear]

for security assurance.

For terrorists threats, press 1.

To hate America, press 2.

To hear this list in Spanish...we are sorry, this feature has been removed.

To hear information about our "special warrentless wiretapping program" press 3 and then stay on the line as this information is classified and you have been named a traitor to the state and will be apprehended momentarily.

To allow us to nominate yet another rubber stamp Draconian judicial nominee, press 4

To allow us to cut taxes for the top 5-10 percent of earners, including several of our oil rich friends, all the while fighting a war of choice using your great grand children's credit card, press 5.

To hear President Bush read MY PET GOAT, press 6.

To allow us to influence the outcome of an election, please press 7 and when prompted, enter the zip code of the district you would like to influence.

To say hello to the folks who are listening in, please press 8.

To allow us to use social issues to drive a wedge through the electorate, please press 9.

For all other information, including intelligence leaks, disaster unpreparedness, secret business deals, ENRON, nochildleftbehindcompassionateconservatismfamilyvaluesseptember11IAMTHEDECIDERletthemeatcakebestmomentwaswhenicaughtthatbigfishsigningstatementscan'tfindthe #$%*$$#exit, please press 0.

To order a complimentary hooker, executive poker game, and breakfast buffet from the Watergate hotel, please stay on the line and an operator will assist as soon as one is available.

:rant:

on edit: typos

[peacetheonlyway]

1. Best IVR Menu

ever designed...

it's perfect...

I love it... send this to Jon Stewart Show... they'll love it!

[uppityperson]

2. Did you write this? Very good.

[pepperbear]

5. yeah I did and THANKS!

:hi:

[niyad]

3. this is wonderful, and thank you.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

4. lol!!!

thank you!

K & R

[spindrifter]

6. You forgot the auto-bypass to KKKarl and DeadEye's offices.

[Mnemosyne]

7. Off to the Greatest! n/t

:toast:

[DinahMoeHum]

8. "Thank you for calling. You pathetic cringing little milksop"

- "Dial-A-Curse" - National Lampoon

:evilgrin:

[driver8]

9. Classic!!

Great job!! :toast:

[Lugnut]

10. K&R

Just because that's beautiful. I needed a good laugh today and that did it.