US Pop. reaches 300 million - 200 million declared 'enemy combatants'

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While the Census has estimated that the U.S. population just crossed the 300 million mark, under newly-signed legislation, Bush has designated 200 million of those individuals as “enemy combatants.”

In a move characterized as the “October Block-Voter Surprise,” Bush has rounded up the approximate two-thirds of Americans that polls indicate strongly disapprove of his policies.

As stated by Karl Rove, “why worry about capturing Osama or one of those 900 Al Qaeda ‘No. 2’s,’ when we can simply incarcerate the troublemakers right here at home.” <skip>

Attending the bill-signing ceremony were “moderate” GOP Senators Graham, Hagel and Snowe, who said that the bill “strikes a reasonable balance between trashing Americans’ Constitutional rights, and retaining Republican control of Congress.” <skip>

However, despite carping from the usual liberal groups (from behind jail bars), Bush’s wholesale suspension of habeas corpus and other Constitutional rights was not without its benefits. North Korean leader Kim Jong-il sent a congratulatory note to Bush, saying he now feels more comfortable negotiating with someone who shares his values.

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