Inexpensive Halloween Costumes

[Timbuk3]

(This is a repost from last year. Just to lighten the mood. Damn, is November 7th EVER going to get here?)

For those on a budget, you can go to your costume party as:

1) An evangelical. Tear half the pages out of the Bible that you're carrying. Never open it. Criticize everyone else's religion.
2) A Republican: Carry a Bible and a copy of the Bill of Rights. Never open either one. (If you really want to do this one right, spend twice as much money as you actually have and declare war on Canada.)
3) Saddam Hussein: Wear only your (not so) tightie-whities and stuff a sock in the crotch to represent your "weapon of mass destruction."
4) Tom DeLay: Big smile and a prison uniform.
5) Karl Rove: Bald head and a prison uniform.
6) Bill Frist: Dress like Martha Stewart. Prison uniform/ankel bracelet optional.
7) James Dobson: Carry a baby doll around. Freqently take off your belt and whip the doll with it. (A toy dachsund will work in a pinch.)
8) Harriet Miers: Lots of black eyeliner under you eyes should do it. Refuse to talk.
9) Clarence Thomas: Collar and leash, get someone to dress like Scalia and hold the leash. Ask no questions of anyone.
10) Michelle Malkin: (Asian descent only.) No costume necessary. Just twist your mouth into a hideous grimace while you proclaim your hatred toward nearly everyone.
11) Ann Coulter: (This one only works if you're a skinny guy with a big adam's apple.) Wear a blonde wig and stuff a sausage in your pants. Carry a "liberal hunting license" and a gun.
12) Rush Limbaugh: Buy some pimple cream. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom frequently to "smear some of this on my ass." Talk about your girlfriend, Daryn Kagan and why blacks are "affirmative action cases" when they play in the NFL.
13) Chris Matthews: Blonde hair. Scream a lot. Punctuate screams with "I taught I taw a puddy tat."
14) John Hinderaker: Shove a rocket up your ass.

Later additions:

15) George W. Bush: Either dress up as a piece of toast (his legacy), or in a cowboy hat with a handful of brush and some white powder under your nose.
16) Laura Bush: A "June Cleaver dress", high heels, heavy makeup, and spend the night sweeping the porch.
17) Donald Rumsfeld: Wrap yourself in an ace bandage, tie a balloon to each foot, and go as a prick.
18) Dick Cheney: Attach some wires to your chest. Clutch at your heart a lot. Ask people if they know where your bunker is, then laugh uproariously when they say "no".
19) Bill O'Reilly: A phone, a vibrator, and a loofa/falafel, if you catch my drift.

10/10/05

http://www.timbuk3.com/archive.htm#101005

Feel free to add more.

[Timbuk3]

1. Some updates

From the same post on Kos, some more costumes from the comments.



Hastert: stuff your clothes with pillows, wander around saying - "but I didn't know what was going on."

Duke Cunningham: smear on fake tan for the San Diego look, and wear your orange jump suit.

Abramhoff: get the trench coat and hat...look mean and carry a little black book, periodically glance around. Oh yeah stick some monopoly money in the pockets - kind of hanging out.

Another option for Hastert: Dress like "Fat Bastard" from the Austin Powers movie.

[Timbuk3]

2. George "Felix" Allen:

(Not a Felix the Cat costume) Wrap yourself in a Confederate flag. Carry a bleeding deer head with you and threaten to "stuff it" in people's mailboxes. Every time you go to the bathroom, announce you "have to take a macaca".