Let's help out Fox with their new "non-liberal" version of "The Daily Show"

[KansDem]

This thread got me thinking, Fox plans to rip off "The Daily Show" with a "non-liberal" version. Roger Ailes "really likes it.", so I thought we could help them out by coming up with some Progressive/Liberal jokes that the Fox viewers would understand and appreciate. Here’s a few of mine

Q: How many Progressives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They will never get it changed because they’re too busy discussing energy policy and environmental issues while Iraqi terrorists threaten our way of life.

Q: Why did the Liberal cross the road?
A: Probably to get away from an IED that was planted to thwart our glorious leader’s mission to spread peace and freedom throughout the middle-east.

"Take my wife...please"--particularly if she's that America-hating Nancy Pelosi who will bring San Francisco values to the good Christian families that live and work hard in the Midwest and South.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!:rofl: These will have them rolling on the floor!!!

Any others?

[Donnachaidh]

1. typical UNoriginal thuggery theft

First Joe Scarborough - now Roger Ailes?

Somebody tell Jon Stewart to hire a bodyguard -- the RW is jonesing for his bod. :evilgrin:

[EarlG]

2. Knock knock

Who's there?

A liberal.

A liberal who?

A liberal who wants to destroy Christmas, make abortions mandatory, and raise your taxes.

[KansDem]

4. LOL!!!

:rofl:

Now, why didn't I think of that one?

[Iris]

6. and stamp out Christmas all at once!

[KansDem]

8. These will have the freepers & fundies splitting their sides!!!

Keep up the good work!

:thumbsup:

[A HERETIC I AM]

13. Knock Knock

Who's there?

Bush

Bush who?


:::B L A M:::: "Fucking terrorist, you don't know who i am?

[gratuitous]

3. Instead of a moment of zen

They could sign off each episode with a moment of crip slap, showing some overprivileged conservative asshole smacking a quadriplegic because the quad made the asshole uncomfortable.

[Ezlivin]

11. Don't quads always make assholes uncomfortable?

I'm just a couple of vertebrae away from being a quad and I manage to piss off assholes. The quads I know have no fear; they'll say anything.

[Brotherjohn]

5. Who's the host? "Mallard Fillmore"? (nt)

[Nostradammit]

7. O.J.

[Donnachaidh]

10. Grover Norquist

:evilgrin:

[Ian David]

9. The difference between Liberal Humor and Conservative Humor

Liberal Humor speaks truth to power.

Conservative Humor attacks the powerless.

[KansDem]

23. You make a valid point...

I have several neo-cons in my family. The very few times we get together (family reunions, Thanksgiving, etc) I hear jokes as you described. Always poking fun at the poor and minorities; always making fun of them as clueless and lazy.

One such recurring "joke"--
The husband of one of my cousins has a tape he's pulled out every so often for the last f**king 20 years of so. It is a recording of a police call about a deer bite. The caller, who sounds African American, is calling the police after being bitten by a deer. The man is anxious in telling the police about his situation. The police officer handling the call, however, takes the call as a joke. He is heard asking the man to describe what happened--to the point one infers he is drawing out the call in order to prolong the "humor." You can even hear the officer, and other police offers in the background, softly chuckling. In apparently hasn't occurred to them that this man may be upset about being bitten by a wild animal and concerned about rabies or other health risks. The whole f**king call is used to berate the caller for the amusement of the police officers.

Anyway, this tape has been played a few times at such family functions as "humor" for the majority of my family, who are neo-con fascist Republicans.

I might add that as the previous generation passes on (my mom and her brothers and sister), we cousins have very few opportunities to "get together" (we did a lot more often when the older generation was alive). Now, however, I'm content for us all to go our separate ways.

[Kelly Rupert]

12. Here's my takes on it (five jokes):

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows, they always cut and run before the job's finished!



How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, lightbulbs are polluting; a liberal only uses solar-powered fluorescents!




So this guy walks into a bar, pulls out a cigarette, and says, "I'll have a beer and a light." The bartender says, "you wanted a light beer?" Guy goes, "no, a beer and a light," gesturing to his unlit cigarette. The bartender then goes, "I'm sorry, sir, per state statute just passed by the Democrats, smoking in a restaurant or bar carries a $500 fine."




So a duck walks into a restaurant and says, "got any duck food?" The guy says no, we don't have duck food. The next day, the duck comes back, and says "got any duck food?" The guy says no, we don't have duck food. Third day, duck comes backa again, and says "got any duck food?" The guy loses his temper and says, "No, I don't have duck food, and I'm never gonna have any duck food! We don't serve duck food!"

Then the duck sued him for discrimination, and an activist judge fined him out of business.




Who was that gentleman I saw you talking to at the party?
That was no gentleman, that was a corrupt Democrat politician.

[KansDem]

15. Excellent!

With your post and the rest, I think we already have their first night's show written!

[Ezlivin]

14. You might be a liberal if

...you think global warming is real.

...you support abortion rights but use contraceptives to avoid having an abortion.

...you don't call your significant other "my husband" or "my wife".

...you see a long-haired, anti-establishment and peace-loving Jesus when you read the bible.

...you send your kids to public school.

...all of your friends are not white and straight.

...you know how to read, write and spell correctly.

...you use mass transit.

...you don't watch Fox News.

[Tempest]

16. The way Faux's ratings are going

There won't be anyone around to watch it.

[warrens]

17. Nancy Pelosi is such a moonbat she's from SAN FRANCISCO!!!

Liberals should be forced to join the army. Then they'd have to take a bath and cut their hair!!!

Liberals don't like praying in school. Guess they're just too smart to worry about tests! Wait, that didn't come out right.

Boy, those liberals sure like to smoke marijuana. That's why they're called potheads.

Liberals are no good at football. All they can do is cut and run! Wait a minute, that didn't come out right either.

Liberals are so stupid they think a judge doesn't have the right to get a huge piece of granite and print anything he wants on it, then get it put in the courthouse late at night so nobody can stop him.

You know why liberals like illegal immigrants? Because they don't take baths either.

[underpants]

18. This is a bad idea-Conservatives don't get satire and irony

and truth be told the republicans trying to make with the funny is going to blow away their "fun loving happy capitalist" image they have been working on all these years. They clearly missed the joke Kerry told this isn't new this is just how they are. I have no idea why but that is how it is.

[KansDem]

21. *This* is satire...or was meant to be...

By coming up with pathetic jokes designed to make progressive/liberals look bad, I was hoping to show how "un-funny" neo-cons really are. As one DUer pointed out above, neo-con humor is all about making fun of the powerless. In this thread, many DUers demonstrated how neo-cons might attempt to include their talking points in their humor; in effect creating a "humorless joke." Sure, the straight line is there, but the response is anything but funny. But this is what the neo-cons would find "funny..."

They clearly missed the joke Kerry told this isn't new this is just how they are.



...if they only knew.


edited for clarity

[last1standing]

19. They should just play reruns of the Colbert Report.

Most repubs think he's siding with them already, so just replay the episodes and let them laugh and agree with what he's saying.

[Marnieworld]

20. So an alleged "news" organization

Wants to compete with a talk-show on Comedy Central? I can understand if another entertainment channel did this but Fox News is supposed to be news. I mean it's even in their name. Are they going to balance South Park too? It's amazing that they don't realize how transparent this makes their bias and illegitmacy.

A news organization satirizing news coverage? Will they satirize themselves? I can't imagine the fresh hell that Conservative Humor will be.

[graywarrior]

22. Can't wait to see what Jon & Stephen do to them.