A satire with a lot of truth in it--
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~hsp/32_Kucinich.htmlFeingold kindly elaborated. “Under our system, each candidate is given a “code name”, and then described by a detailed but human readable summary of their positions on various issues. In an attempt to give as little reference to the candidates as possible, code names this year were randomly assigned from an archive of rock bands, which this year included the likes of American rock gods, “Aerosmith”, alternative rock mainstays, “Nine Inch Nails”, and Montreal's own, “Godspeed You Black Emperor!”.”
“Alternatives my ass.” Agreed Feingold. “It's like being given a choice between a right handed pencil and a left handed pencil. But now, since all the candidates from any party all got on the presidential ballot, we finally had a chance for reasonably fair, democratic elections. I mean come on, aside from freakishly liberal, naively idealistic Peacenik groups like Unions, Amnesty International, and the Harvard Students Against the Militarization of Space, who would have predicted that Dennis Kochanek would ever win? Seriously?”
In order to test the McCain-Feingold claim, we decided to get a little input from the public at how they thought the new election process worked. Boston area waitress Claire Burton had this to say. “I thought for sure I was voting for Kerry. I mean CNN always said all these great things about him. I don't remember exactly what they said, but I do remember it was good. When I saw that “Godspeed You Black Emperor!” had all these things that I agreed with, I figured for damned sure it was Kerry. Guess I was wrong. I had never even heard of that David Kucinich guy.”
Houston resident Max Tucker, a successful investment banker and lifetime Republican wasn't so agreeable. “Who does this Dennis Knudsen guy think he is anyway? Associating himself with popular policies like universal health care, fair trade, and world peace. What an asshole. He really pulled one over on us voters this time.”