My editorial and a bewildering response:

[Lautremont]

(I'm not sure if this is the best forum for this - mods please move it to GD or Editorials etc. if you wish.)


I wrote the following editorial for a Canadian ethnic community newspaper and got a fairly hilarious response. Here's the editorial:


I’ve been very much enjoying the circus that is the Democratic primary race. Well, perhaps “enjoy” is the wrong word. Watching the crazy ups-and-downs is at once frustrating and a sick sort of fun in about equal measure, like watching a bar fight between drunks too plastered to stand up let alone land a good punch.

The Republicans, of course, have made their choice, though it’s hardly one they’re all happy with. John McCain is loathed by the extreme right for his tendency to treat immigrants as human beings and his lack of absolute support for the ludicrous tax cuts that have sent the US economy spiraling down into oblivion. By most rational people, he is disliked because he seems little more than a superannuated continuation of the disastrous Bush presidency. As someone who seems happy to not only continue sinking blood and treasure into a reckless, stupid and deeply unpopular war, but to cheerfully start another as soon as he can, McCain would appear to be virtually unelectable in the general election.

But at least he no longer has to worry about opposing candidates in his own party. The Democrats, at this writing in any case, have whittled away all the candidates who dared to represent any real change and have found themselves stuck with a pair of Goliaths, identical in all respects but the physical, who are wasting energy, resources and support by bashing away at one another in their relentless efforts to secure the nomination of their party. McCain, as sad, tired and aggressively clueless as he is, can just sit back, relax, and take notes on which blows land and how much damage they do.

In this post-Bush atmosphere and with this patently Bushian candidate, the Republicans will need a virtual miracle to pull off a victory this November; the Democrats, in the meantime, are trying their best to provide one. The Hillary Clinton camp is working the hardest at this, manufacturing or enhancing pitiful scandals intended to give her rival, Barack Obama, the aspect of a gangster, an apostate, a racist, a bumbler or a boogeyman. So much energy is devoted to this that Clinton, who, while lacking amiability, progressive philosophies, humility and shame, was at least thought to possess a brain, has allowed her campaign to be one of the clumsiest ever run. She is doing neither her party nor herself, nor the peoples of American and the world, any favours by her incompetence.

Barack Obama, in the meantime, has risen above this swampland by only the barest of margins. His own campaign has been slicker and sharper than Clinton’s, but he is still dogged by a strange cadre of former mentors, mostly men of the cloth, whose greatest talent seems to be saying exactly that which would hurt their protégé most in his quest for the Presidency. Obama has managed to deflect some of this flak; some he has simply absorbed with a shrug. His campaign reeks of disinterest in issues facing women and downright intolerance for the LGBT community.

So this campaign race, while providing a good deal of dramatic entertainment, is also quite depressing. Expecting a genuinely progressive candidate is expecting too much, we are told – the people can only absorb so much change at a time. Blaming it on the voters is a quaint notion at this point, however; since the Florida debacle in 2000 and the manipulations exposed in Ohio and elsewhere in 2004, it is no longer the sign of a conspiracy-minded crank to acknowledge that there are much more powerful forces than voters at work in any major US election. The trick now is not just to win, but to win by such a huge margin that vote-rigging efforts are overridden.

The longer the two Democratic pugilists keep swinging, the greater chance they stand of chance of rendering each other’s margin of victory against McCain negligible come November. Republicans, saddled with their own imperfect and beatable candidate, are in the meantime trying to sabotage the Democratic process by registering as Democrats and voting for the Democratic candidate whom they feel is the most baggage-laden and beatable; who, at the moment, is Clinton. (This cowardly tactic is being spearheaded by the loathsome radio host Rush Limbaugh.) The best chance Obama or Clinton will have in the general election will be to remind voters of the buyer’s remorse they felt after pulling the lever for Bush (or otherwise allowing him to lead their country), and affirming that the McCain offers little more than the same. But their chances would be greatly improved if they could wrap up this primary fight now, tomorrow, or better still yesterday, and move on to the fight against McCain. It will not, sadly, be a greatly improved situation with Clinton or Obama in the White House, but it will at least (one hopes) not be much worse, and that tiny margin alone makes the battle critical.


And, from one of the fabled 28 percenters, came an hilariously deluded response (I've obliterated any identifying elements):


Letter to (name of paper) Editor

I have to respond to your very inappropriate editorial of April 15, 2008. This is supposed to be a newspaper which brings news and stories about things (ethnic group) into homes and other locations all over Canada and the United States. It is dedicated to culture, heritage, history, genealogy and other general interests of (ethnic group) and their friends and relatives in the (ethnic group's diaspora).

It is not a paper to criticize, ridicule and make much fun of America and its politics. Most of his statements were blatantly false. The Democratic primary is not a “sick sort of fun in about equal measure, like watching a bar fight between drunks too plastered to stand up let alone land a good punch.” John McCain is not “despised by the extreme right for his tendency to treat immigrants as human beings and his lack of absolute support for the ludicrous tax cuts that have sent the US economy spiraling down into oblivion.” The tax cuts actually markedly increased revenue to the US government. The problem was that President Bush and the Congress didn’t control spending. They spent too much supporting many governments, especially democracies, all around the world and also helping folks recover from every disaster anywhere in the world. John McCain is not sad, tired and aggressively clueless. He is a very bright, ambitious and dedicated leader who has served his country honorably. He is a decorated veteran, formerly a Navy fighter pilot who was shot down over Vietnam and was a very tortured POW for five and a half years. As a former Navy flight surgeon I know that each Navy pilot is the ”cream of the crop.” He is not a “highly imperfect candidate” and you have no business or authority to judge him. In fact, he may very well be the new leader of the free world.

The Florida debacle you mentioned was caused by Senator Gore not accepting the results. Many recounts besides the official one were performed by several liberal newspapers and George W. Bush won every one! You allege that all elections in America are rigged and nothing could be further from the truth. I voted by machine for President Bush twice and have absolutely no “remorse”. I know that elections here are extremely well managed as I have been an election judge several times.

President Bush will likely be judged by history to have been a very good president. He has done what he said he would i.e.; lower taxes, improve education, keep the economy strong , lower drug costs and health care for seniors, fight the war against terrorists and bring dignity back to the White House. We have recovered from 9-11, corporate scandals and a recession he inherited from President Clinton. Millions have been liberated from the Taliban in Afghanistan which was a training ground for terrorists and their treatment of women was terrible. Iraq was invaded to protect the world from weapons of mass destruction based on faulty intelligence believed by most of the world including Great Britain and President Clinton. If a democracy can be established in Iraq many of the Middle East problems may be solved. History will tell, not (editor)! Canada has had a taste of potential terrorism led by alleged leader Fahim Ahmad. They planned to bomb Parliament and behead many leaders. Hopefully they have been stopped.

No doubt (editor) belongs to the extreme left along with many entertainers in the USA. It is interesting that conservatives; Filip Calderon in Mexico, Nicolas Sarkozy in France, Angela Merkel in Germany, and Stephen Harper in Canada have been elected recently and are friendly to President Bush and the USA.
signed, **********

[cliffordu]

1. Jesus. Are you fucking kidding me??

I LOVE 'Murka!!!!

"Man, you got some fucked up friends......"

Tyler Durden, Fight club

[RaleighNCDUer]

2. You know, I've always loved science fiction -

alternate universe stories are my favorites. What if the Spanish Armada invaded England? What if the south won the Civil War? What if anything Bush ever said was true?

[zbdent]

3. The 28 percenters believe that the media fellation of Bush that occurred

from 9/11/2001 to Katrina was a liberal attack ...