and send Hillary here while you're at it
http://www.coping.org/grief/denial.htm-------------SNIP---------------------------------
Dealing With Denial
Content:
What is denial?
How does denial look to others?
What are the negative consequences of unresolved denial?
How can we confront denial in ourselves?
How can we cope with denial in others?
A denial intervention model
Unresolved denial can result in:
Delusional thinking, leading to a feeling that everything is OK, even when it is not.
Greater conflict between the deniers and the non-deniers.
Fantasy or magical thinking, allowing distorted thinking to become a habit.
Poor problem-solving and decision-making abilities for the denier.
The denier totally avoiding or withdrawing from everyone who knows of the loss or problem.
The denier becoming a social recluse.
Others avoiding the denier to avoid upsetting him with their concern, questions, or reassurance.
Frustration for those who want to help the denier.
A maladaptive pattern of coping with the loss or problem for the denier.
Everyone involved in the life of the denier joining the denial; the problem is not confronted honestly by those who can do something about it.
Resentment by the denier of those who are confronting him about the problems or loss.
Prolonging the time before the denier must confront the pain, hurt, and suffering involved in the loss or problem.
The denier projecting the problem or the results of the loss onto others.
The denier's use of rationalization to explain away the problem or loss.
Exacerbation of the very problems being denied.