"John, would you please go in the kitchen and fix me a ham sandwich?"

[BurtWorm]

From Cheers and Jeers Tuesday on dailykos.com:


http://feeds.dailykos.com/~r/dailykos/index/~3/yNqHfhoJQjM/629236


"Let me say this, Cindy. I know how to fix a ham sandwich, and I will fix a ham sandwich when I'm elected president. For starters, I know where the kitchen is and I know how to find it. I know where the plates are. I know where the bread is, and I will be the one to pull out the right number of slices and place them on the plate in such a way that the mustard can be spread. Yes, my friends, I know where the mustard is and as president I will have a plan to spread it effectively. I know this stuff because I am a maverick. I can do it and I will do it. Let's talk about lettuce. My opponent is inexperienced on this issue. I've been around long enough to know about Romaine, butter, iceberg, bib, Boston and celtuce, as well as loose greens like mesclun. But I promise you this: I will fight every day against the advancing red tide of commie cabbage and I'm not afraid to use force if necessary. I know how to lead this nation in these dangerous leafy times, my friends. Now, I see the yellow light on my lectern is blinking, but if I may for a moment address another critical issue facing this country today, and that is the thickness of domestic pre-packaged ham slices. When I was a POW, we didn’t have ham, my friends, or even a chair..."

"Oh fer god's sake, never mind. I'll have the butler do it."

[StrictlyRockers]

1. That's pretty funny.

[ThatsMyBarack]

13. Oh, yeah.

:rofl:

[NanceGreggs]

2. "the advancing red tide of commie cabbage"

:rofl:

[sui generis]

3. I'm onna fix me a grilt cheeze rat now.

mmm mmmmm.

soon as I get done peeling these here grapes.

:rofl:

Yeah, Yawn McCain is getting old in SOOOOO many ways, and recycling his martial experience is like tube tops and hip hugger bell bottoms. If you keep them around long enough they might come back into fashion, but meanwhile John, your body has moved on.

[BurtWorm]

5. Hey, sui generis!

Is it my imagination or have you been scarce round these here parts lately?

In any case, nice to see you! :toast:

[sui generis]

6. I drop in from time to time!

I've been doing business intelligence analytics these days, gazillions of hours in meetings, followed by more meetings and then family stuff & getting ready for the next day. Every once in a while I can close the office door and type like a maniac!

It's a lot harder to keep up with comments though - so I've become an ambush poster. PM me some time if you like & let me know what's going with you.

M

[wilt the stilt]

8. BO, Cognos or Brio

[sui generis]

11. those are just the reporting tools

the whole shebang, end-to-end architecture, etl to segmentation / trending / forecasting analytics / optimization and goal-directed machine learning algorithms, with a recent year of hardcore CEM and operations intelligence for kicks! It's a good living if you have the right pimp.

Dallas is top of the market right now -

[BurtWorm]

14. Sounds... exhausting!

But lucrative.

Just last week, I was thinking about DUers I hadn't seen around lately whose posts I used to enjoy, who made the joint worth coming to. You crossed my mind. So it was a pleasant surprise to see your angel/birdman avatar today.

What's up with me? I'm surviving if not thriving. Actually hopeful about an election for a change. (Though I was just reminiscing with my brother today about a belief we shared in the summer of 2000 that the US was about to witness the dawn of a Golden Age and a new Enlightenment under the leadership of Al Gore.)

[lapfog_1]

4. "I know about lettuce... we grow lettuce in Yuma, Arizona, and

let me tell you my friends, we have to pay non illegals $50 an hour to pick that lettuce... and even then those lettuce pickers don't last an entire season! That's why each leaf of iceberg is $.50 now. Don't even talk to me about Romaine! But listen, after I'm elected President, I know how to solve this... we will have a new depression my friends, and certain people will be happy to pick lettuce for Cindy and me in Yuma... for $1.00 per hour! Just like they used to pick cotton! Young, strong bucks with big lettuce pickin hands... like my opponent here. That one!"

:sarcasm:

[dgibby]

7. Sarah sez:

Cindy, lettuce pray that he uses only white bread.

[FatDave]

9. Lettuce?

A real maverick would use bean sprouts. And spicy brown mustard on wheat toast.

Damn, now I'm hungry.

[Bucky]

10. You forgot arugula

Why do Republicans always avoid the subject of arugula. It makes me wonder and say things like "hmmm".

[Berry Cool]

12. "I will follow that pig to the gates of hell" n/t