How Gay Marriage Ruined My Straight Relationship

[SallyMander]

No, it's not a story of proving the favorite talking point of the religious right. Nor is it a story of my anguish over losing a girlfriend. And I'm truly sorry if you're looking for a swashbuckling tale of the dreaded gay pirates kidnapping my love and converting her to the dark side. Although I think a story with lesbian pirates could be pretty hot... But I digress.

I live in Los Angeles. If you've been celebrating Obama's victory here at Kos, you've also undoubtedly seen the many diaries about Proposition 8. For brevity's sake, I won’t bore you with the laundry list of details. Suffice it to say that a "Yes" vote meant "No" to same-sex marriage and went so far as to put it into the state's Constitution.

I'm recently divorced and was making my first tentative steps back into the dating scene. It's a tough thing to do after nearly a decade out of it and it's especially tough in this town. I decided I wouldn't pursue dating necessarily and I would just do what I like to do and, eventually, I would meet someone.

Sure enough, it happened. I'm a jazz fan. I went to a show. She was there. Simple as that. The attraction was immediate, chemical, animal, whatever you want to call it. Have pheromones been debunked? All I know is it was intense, and after a number of years in a passionless relationship, I found myself completely in awe that I could still feel that way.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/11/10/133121/52/428/658606


Great diary on Daily Kos -- definitely worth a read!

[Mabus]

1. It was worth the read

It reminds of the time I was dating a pretty nice guy until I found out he was in the Federalist Society. I broke up with him and never looked back.

[SallyMander]

2. I think i would have done the same thing as the author

That kind of fundamental incompatibility is just not a good place to start a relationship...

By the way i love your little astronaut dog -- i always mean to tell you that! :D

[Mabus]

4. I agree

How can a Christian condemn another of God's creations? It really does boggle my mind.

I love my little space dog. I've got him stationed in orbit. He collects the news and beams it my way. ;)

[Bluenorthwest]

6. Have you seen the film

"My Life As a Dog"? Space dog imagery plays a heavy role, although it is about an earthbound boy....

[Mabus]

9. No I haven't

but I'll look for it. Thanks for the recommend.

[Voice for Peace]

3. great story, thanks

The disappointing vote has energized a lot of people.. this is good.

[SallyMander]

7. Yes, if anything good comes of it

It's that the issue is now at the forefront of a lot of minds. Especially a lot of straight sympathizers who now realize what a big deal it is!

[Hepburn]

5. Good for him.....I could not stand to be involved with a homophobic bigot...

...for any reason.

My story is not as interesting, but I refused to work on a HOA Board project because a member on the board and his wife had a YES on PROP 8 sign on their residence. I was frank about it, too: I told the person asking me to do something for the Association that I would not and could not work with a board that had a homophobic bigot on it. No chance, no way.

:hi:

Edit for typo

[SallyMander]

8. Good for you too!

I hope word got back to the homeowner... hate should have consequences, even (especially!) unexpected ones!

[Hepburn]

10. When I saw that YES ON 8 sign on their home, I wanted to rip it down and...

...destroy it.

We live in a Senior's development and these bigots are absolutely clueless. There are long time gay couples in this development ~~ some together for many, many years, like 50 years. Why cause these lovely couples this kind of pain by making their life-long relationships something that is wrong, something that NEEDS to be legislated against? Something that some fear is causing damage to their straight relationships?

That is what really, really did it to me ~~ the pain of those who were being called out because they loved someone of their own sex.

Also: I could not trust myself with the strong feelings I have about the immorality of Prop 8 to not say something to this bigoted RR board member. So, there was some self-centered concerns about me wanting to dress him down in public and let him know what I thought of discrimination against gays and gay couples...and I knew I had to stay away from him and his homophobic bullshit.

[The Doctor.]

11. I'd give her a chance to come around....

but once she said it was part of her religion, It'd be pretty much over. Once I know that someone's religion dictates their worldview, they just turn into a philosophical punching bag. Tie em' up in knots until they either leave or have an epiphany.

Guess which is more likely?

Either way, it's nice to see my personal approach bears hope. ;)

Thanks for posting.

[Hepburn]

12. They are Evangel Fundie RR nut cases....

...they just LOVE Sarah....:puke:

IMO, no hope of these nut cases coming around to anything.

And...thanks for responding to my post about what little bit I have done to let any homophobes around me know that they are now on my shit list!

:hi:

[The Doctor.]

14. Thank You...

There was an element in that story I needed to hear... and convergent with some pretty good feelings about how things are.

That, and there are a few people whom I've managed to soften up on the issue with simple reason and thought exercises. I've had more than a couple acknowledge, "Well... maybe it's really not a choice after all." You're right though, the fundies have too many mechanisms for ignorance in place. Religion is crafted with a number of little defense mechanisms... like a parasite or an infection. One of the simplest and most effective ones I've seen is the 'Lucifer Lock'. They are taught to believe that if anything they are told that does not fit into their indoctrinated beliefs starts to make sense, then they are being deceived and must stop listening.

They believe that if someone causes them to venture into new thoughts, that that person is an agent of the devil!

It's just so sad and disturbing that anyone would be taught to fear reason.

So thanks for all you've done. I'll keep working on that whole 'peace on Earth' thing too.

:hi:

[Zuiderelle]

13. That was beautiful! Thanks for posting it here.

:patriot:

[genna]

15. I've dated plenty brothers who don't or can't abide by gays in my younger years

I had plenty of gay friends who forced those guys to have a rounder and more profound view of sexuality. I also have plenty of family members who feel that Way.

It is one of the reasons the CA Prop 8 discussion bugs me SO MUCH. In my later years, I don't think I would acquire new relationships along those gay/straight lines because I've been there and argued that.

What really bugs me is the high mindedness of people who don't support organized religion and don't believe in the ban on gay marriage that conflate the two things as being completely incompatible. You tell me as you bash us Christian believers as a class and category what paradigm fits us who believe in God AND think the civil society should use religion to prohibit extending civil rights. Are we a bunch of bigots who should be patted on the back for leaving the reservation on ONE ISSUE?

I'd much rather see a way to talk about religious freedom and a civil society without targeting all Christians. There are plenty of Christians who haven't organized against gays.

[kwassa]

16. It is a common cultural difference, this homophobic view ....

African versions of Christianity can be very fundamentalist; it did not say if she was Christian or Moslem, however, though most Sudanese are either Moslem or animists, I believe.

The big attack on the Episcopal Church is being led by Anglican archbishops from Nigeria and Uganda, for ordaining an openly gay bishop in the US in 2003. This is how virulent the anti-homosexual agenda is there. In Nigeria, the legislature is trying to criminalize homesexuality.

At the same time, there are very progressive bishops in Africa as well that support gay rights.

What is hard to tell about this situation is how open or closed-minded this woman is to hearing counter-arguments. It is really about nothing but ignorance.