Bush's demands for Debate(s)

[Mortos]

A newly uncovered document shows President Bush's demands that must be met before he will agree to any debate(s) between Democratic nominee John Kerry and himself.

The demands, which were leaked by a "top administration official" seem to give the incumbent Bush a slight advantage.

"It is common for the incumbent to dictate the terms of the debate," stated Whitehouse Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "This is nothing new."

Some Democrats are protesting the Bush demands, which seem far more demanding and over-reaching in their scope and benefit to the President.

Here are the requirements as requested by the Bush Whitehouse:

1. Kerry must stand in a hole surrounded by Swift Boat Vets and flip flop flapping protesters outside of the main venue.

2. Kerry must not be given a microphone or any other voice amplifications devices.

3. Kerry must wear the 'bunny suit' that he wore at NASA.

4. Kerry is not to answer any question for more than 8 seconds.

5. The Moderators will be Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Michael Savage.

6. The debate audience will be hand picked by republicans and all attendees will have to sign a loyalty pledge to Bush.

7. Bush will be transported into the event via F-16, Apache Helicopter, Mounted Cavalry and finally a Bradley fighting vehicle with guns blazing right up to the stage.

8. Kerry will have to ride to the event a VW micro bus with Jane Fonda's picture and peace signs plastered all over it and literally drive over the prone bodies of handicapped Vietnam veterans to get to his speaking location.

9. Bush will be allowed to use "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" style help lines three times during the debate.

10. Bush reserves the right to leave the debate at any point if "National Security" dictates it would be prudent. In this case, the debate would be declared an automatic win for Bush.

John Kerry, when asked about the Bush debate requirements said simply, "Bring it on!"

[ThatPoetGuy]

1. Hilarious!

Laughing out loud over here.

[bryant69]

2. I think they are also considering

adding one that stipulates that Kerry must spend the entire debate speaking in a silly monty python-esque French Accent.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[DoYouEverWonder]

4. And when he walks onto the stage

he will have to do a John Cleese silly walk.

[Mortos]

6. He won't be allowed on the stage with Bush

He must stay outside.

[BootinUp]

10. LOL n/t

[NMDemDist2]

3. ROFL n/t

[radfringe]

5. couple of other things they forgot

- Kerry will only be allowed to answer in Charade-like gestures

- bush* will have his back-up choir, echo-chamber and translators to explain "what the president meant to say is ____ "

- Republican debate wrap-up/comments and responses will be limited to 3 hours

- Democratic debate wrap-up/comments and responses will not be allowed

- only post-debate Poll numbers that are favorable to bush* will be published. In the event that NO poll numbers are favorable, ridge will announce a nation-wide red-alert

[Mortos]

7. Don't give Bush any ideas

[thecrow]

8. Don't forget about *bush's piped in answers

via his earpieces.
Oops... that's not a joke.
sorry.

[Mortos]

9. Ear pieces are old school

they implanted a reciever directly into bush's brain. Of course they had to remove a significant portion of it to make the device fit.

[Gyre]

12. "significant portion"

That would be about 2 ccs worth. A "small" price to pay for intelligible sentences.

Gyre

[mreh]

11. ROFLMAO -- They improved the Millionaire and added two

live lines. One of them allows a call to the three wise men - so * would be allowed to call "chaingang, rovulting and hugedisappointment".

[Gyre]

13. Serious question about the debates.

Are the candidates allowed to wear communication devices in their ears? If so, wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

Gyre