Diebold To Buy Federal Election Commission! (satire)

[Melissa G]

Diebold To Buy Federal Election Commission!

Unconfirmed sources report the Bush administration is ready to sell off the FEC to Diebold, maker of touch screen voting machines. Diebold will pay an undisclosed amount for the government commission and assume all of its functions and responsibilities.

Diebold and the White House refused to comment on the impending purchase but one industry watcher shared his observations.

"This is a very shrewd move by both Diebold and the Bush Administration. By selling the FEC the administration gets rid the headache of having to take any responsibility for election reform. For Diebold it makes sense to get in on the decision making process. The combination of Diebold and FEC will streamline the transition to new and untested voting technology without public comment. It will also quell any controversy over voting security standards. With Diebold writing the standards their equipment will automatically be in compliance."

One unnamed critic of the deal gave this comment to US. "Diebold will acquire a big headache by acquiring the FEC, the federal agency that enforces contribution and expenditure restrictions in federal elections. Diebold came inside the beltway looking for a smart acquisition, but got fleeced by a lobbyist who steered the company to the FEC. Diebold would have done much better had it been able to locate the Elections Administration Commission, the new federal agency that was set up to distribute several billion dollars to state and local election agencies so they could buy new voting machines from Diebold."

http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/?itemid=761&catid=3

[ananda]

1. ack!

What! A federal agency, which is supposed to be responsible to the people and constitutionally protected elections, can be bought by a corporation which has publicly announced its GOP bias?

No wonder the source is unconfirmed. If this is so, Amerika would be confirmed as absolutely insane..

.. of course, other absolute insanities abound. So why not this as well? Well....

Sue

[MelissaB]

2. Thank God this is satire.

I just searched using Google.

[kliljedahl]

3. Funny piece

I'd missed that one.


Keith’s Barbeque Central

[silverweb]

4. Calm down.

Consider the source: Unconfirmed Sources: political satire and news parodies.

Satire. Parody. "The news you just can't use."

They got you good, huh?

:D

Of course, Diebold does have undue influence in our government and elections, as do many other corporations, so the satire isn't really too far off the mark. Which makes it good satire.

[Amaryllis]

5. I wasn't sure if it was satire or not; things are getting to the point

where even satire is too close to the truth for comfort.

[Double T]

6. I Have Also Heard That Bush Wants To Outsource The Pentagon To China.....

....And Move The U.S. Capitol From Washington D.C. To His New State Of Baghdad.

[Melissa G]

7. OK ,I thought the Banner "The news you just can't use"

after the words Unconfirmed Sources was enough to get the satire point across but I edited for "satire" so there were no more Heart Attacks...
Love, Melissa
It's a chuckle not a coronary...