Extremely wicked rant...

[grace0418]

Says exactly what I'm feeling right now... (warning, not for the easily offended). It's long but WELL worth the read...

http://www.portlandphoenix.com/features/other_stories/multi2/documents/04258175.asp

--snip--

"Now, the rest of you ...

A lot of us effete Easterners want to know: what the fuck is wrong with you?! You voted against your self-interest at every turn (you dumb-asses in South Dakota deserve special credit for voting out one of the most powerful Democrats in the Senate) and re-elected an ignorant cowboy who can’t be trusted to remember a lunch order, never mind run a country. What in the name of God ...?! Wait, it was in the name of God, wasn’t it? Rendered weak and ignorant by a spoon-fed climate of fear, you slack-jawed inbred flatlanders have sought refuge in the traditional twin towers of mindlessness — jingoistic patriotism and fundamentalist religion. God’s on your side. Like hell. Jesus loves us, dammit."

--snip--

"Well, sorry to burst your holy bubble, Jesus freaks, but God did not create the world in seven days; that’s just ignorant. Like a lot of stuff in the Bible, it didn’t happen. And Moses looked more like Jeff Goldblum than like Charlton Heston. Jesus didn’t hunt; he fished. Jesus wouldn’t want you (or anyone else) to have an assault rifle. What would Jesus do if he met you? He’d ask you to stop ruining his hard-won good reputation. (Y’know the guy died to redeem your sorry ass; you might at least show a little respect for what he was really about.)"

--snip--

"Does it really bother you cornpone chuckleheads that "we" think you’re under-educated, culturally limited, and ignorant? Well, how about proving us wrong? For starters, get this straight: there were no weapons of mass destruction; the Iraqis did not attack the World Trade Center; lots of children (including many of yours) are left behind every day; the greenhouse effect is for real; and the Dixie Chicks were right. Pin down a few of those basics and then perhaps we’ll talk.

Am I being elitist here? Disrespectful of the dignity of the masses? I fuckin’ hope so, because 51 percent of the masses have had their say and it doesn’t make sense. Besides, when I think about people being tortured while they’re held without representation at Guantánamo and Iraqi families crawling out of the rubble of their own homes, I’m not too worried if I insult some Bible-sucking insurance salesman or a possum-breathed saw sharpener."

[mindfulNJ]

1. AMEN

:headbang:

[tuvor]

2. Hey, if the shoe fits... n/t

[JD Lau]

3. grace: Oh MY GOD...this is good!!!

[Anakin Skywalker]

4. Ooooorrraaah!

Good rant, sister!

[lilpnut]

6. jesus loves us too! n/t

[The Traveler]

5. Do you have any idea how many people

wish they could have written something like this, and written it as well?

Right on the head of the nail, dude ... you hit it.

I am beginning to believe 51% of this country might be too stupid to survive.

:yourock:

[signmike]

7. Hmm...funny...

he doesn't offend me at all.

[grace0418]

15. I just wanted to be sensitive to the Christians on this board

(there I go being a fucking liberal again ;)) but I truly feel that he hit the nail on the head. I also think that liberal Christians are real Christians. The Bible-beaters that the author refers to are not Christians at all. There's a big difference between the two.

Anyway, the first word out of my mouth after I read this (a little to loudly, I might add, for an office environment- oops) was:

"Abso-fuckin-lutely!"

[robertarctor]

8. My fave post-"election" rant

From http://www.fuckthesouth.com:

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Yep. That just about sez it all.

[choicevoice]

9. Would the guy who wrote this consider running for President?

He might not win but it would sure make me feel better listening to his speeches.

[choicevoice]

10. The above post was about the original rant....

Not the south hater post.

[noserotonin]

11. AMEN. And if the shoe doesn't fit...

Expect blisters if you continue to wear it.

I voted for Kerry because the Jackboot in the Whitehouse has hurt my feet (and my sense of fashion) for the last four years.

So reds, you've got a choice of blisters or barefoot (and pregnant).

[countmyvote4real]

12. I think I'm in love or that's the best come-on I've ever come across.

As a side note: My immediate family lives in GA and they are all RW BACs. I’m openly Gay and still consider myself a Christian or at least, I subscribe to what I believe to be the “fundamental” message of Christ. I live in NYC. When I learned about the amendment to GA’s state constitution that will discriminate against gay marriage AND civil unions, I told my parents that it was unlikely that I would ever see them again in GA. I said that I wasn’t that secure in my own shelf life living here under another four years of *.

But I was emphatic in my appreciation for the education that they gave me. I guess these are my famous last words since there’s been no response since then.

Education and critical thinking are important to a democracy. A dumbed-down media does not help.

[grace0418]

14. That's just it...

The people who are TRULY Christian are people like you, i.e. people who try to live according to the fundamental teachings of Christ. Not the right-wing, ignorant, hypocritical, sanctimonious, judgmental freaks who form Dumbya's base. According to my favorite bumper sticker, the Christian right is neither Christian nor right.

[slackmaster]

13. On Jesus' choice of cuisine

Jesus didn’t hunt; he fished.

What's the difference?

If Jesus had lived in Tibet or East Africa or North America he probably would have hunted.

:hi:

[Cats Against Frist]

16. Can I get a "hell yeah!"

Clif is my new hero -- we need to give that man some Oxycontin and a microphone, and see if he can be "anti-Rush."

[dewaldd]

17. Can I say "hand re-count"?

[genieroze]

18. Kick

nt

[Orsino]

19. "Ignorant Cowboy"?

If Shrub is a cowboy, then Steven Seagal is a CIA agent.

A ten-gallon hat would in his case be a waste of at least five gallons.

[GOPBasher]

20. Wow! That made me feel really good!

[grace0418]

21. If only that entire argument

fit on a t-shirt, I'd be designing it right now. I just read it again and was still blown away by it. Bravo Cliff!

[grace0418]

22. .