How old was Jesus when He died?

[Boojatta]

If He was a virgin when he died, then there could be a movie in this. To avoid offending people, the main character could be just a salesclerk with no connection to Jesus. Replace the crucifixion with a wedding. The only religion in the movie will be the religious aspect of the wedding ceremony. Finally, replace estimates of his age with a nice round number, such as forty.

[Warpy]

1. "The Second Coming"

It's been done, really.

It's a gritty, dark, working class film from the UK about how Jesus finally comes back in the form of a video store clerk and what has to happen for the human race to grow up at last.

No, it's not the original story, but we're woefully short of lepers now that we have effective treatments for Hansen's disease.

[darkstar3]

9. That was a deep flick.

I probably won't watch it again, but I liked what I saw. But then, I've never seen Eccleston in a movie I didn't like. That's the whole reason I went to G.I. Joe, and I was glad I did.

[KurtNYC]

2. or how about this...

Brittany Spears plays a dead pop star that comes back and haunts a town that banned her music. We'll split the foreign box-office, do lunch and then sell MP3 and ringtones right before it goes to video.

:-)

[rocktivity]

3. At least 33 years old, if I recall my Sunday school correctly.

:shrug:
rocktivity

[MorningGlow]

13. Magic number

Highly symbolic and often used in god mythology. I strongly suspect it was selected for that purpose, and nobody really knows how old he was when he died.

[Geoff R. Casavant]

16. The best estimates I've seen go like this:

Assuming the Gospel stories are halfway accurate, Jesus must have been born before 4 BCE, otherwise Herod wouldn't have been able to try and hunt him down as an infant. Most biblical scholars say between 6 and 4 BCE.

Jesus formally started his ministry after John the Baptist was executed. The execution came as the result of John's criticism of Herod Antipas's marriage to Herod's sister-in-law, which has been reliably dated by outside sources as occurring in 35 CE.

Jesus was crucified by Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor of Judea. Pilate was later recalled by Rome, and outside sources again reliably date the recall as happening in 36 CE.

Put them all together, and Jesus was between 39 and 42 years old when he died.

[MorningGlow]

17. They should have picked 42, then

After all, it IS the answer to the Ultimate Question. ;)

[onager]

24. Nitpick: no evidence that Pilate was "recalled" to Rome

That's a common historical assumption by most Xians - or at least all over their websites. But AFAIK, there is no historical evidence to assume so.

For all we know, Pilate just retired and went home to collect his pension.

It rarely gets mentioned that he served in Judea for at least 10 years, so he must have done something right.

Those dodgy Xian websites usually give his title as "procurator," maybe just because it sounds snazzy. But that's not right.

Now we know his real title, thanks to a bit of Pilatic brown-nosing and modern archeology - a temple he built in Judea to honor the Roman emperor.

His title on the temple cornerstone is "prefect," a military title. It makes sense that Rome would have insisted on assigning a military leader, not a civilian, to run Judea.

The governor of Judea had to keep the peace and collect taxes in a region riddled with battling factions of religious fanatics, plus quasi-ethnic rivalries between the Jews and their neighbors.

Not to mention the permanent threat of invasion by the Parthians, who fought Rome in that area for over two centuries.

It had only been in 53 BCE that Marcus Licinius Crassus marched into Parthian territory and got 20,000 Roman soldiers slaughtered at the battle of Carrhae. The Parthians later beat Marc Antony as well.

Pilate had to hold Judea with a very small number of "real" Roman forces. In normal times, he could call for help from the big Roman base in Damascus.

But Pilate was not serving in normal times. The governor of Syria was a favorite of the emperor and had gone back to Rome early, leaving the job vacant.

That meant Pilate would have to wait even longer for Roman reinforcements in case of an emergency.

The rest of his forces in Judea were locals, mainly the Temple Guards, IIRC.

The Romans had learned not to trust locals within Pilate's memory - in 9 CE, when the "friendly" German barbarian leader Arminius led 3 full legions into an ambush in the Teuterberg Forest.

All in all, I'd say Pilate did a good job and I wish we had enough information for somebody to write an OBJECTIVE biography of him.

He certainly didn't seem to be the cringing, cowardly fool depicted in the New Testament, who declared a prisoner innocent and then turned him over to a mob for crucifixion. (Bonus Irrelevant Rant: and Pilate certainly wouldn't have crucified Jesus "between two thieves," since theft wasn't a capital crime under Roman law - any more than it is today under our laws. That was crammed in to satisfy some obscure Old Testament prophecy, I think.)

The Xians' favorite historian, Flavius Josephus, left many depictions of Pilate dealing with mobs. He didn't negotiate with them - he called out the riot police and cracked heads.

[Boojatta]

25. Thank you!

That was a very interesting contribution to this thread. In fact, it was more interesting than the Original Post. This internet thing is like a machine that accepts two cents and then spits out twenty dollars.

[iris27]

29. 'Pilate certainly wouldn't have crucified Jesus "between two thieves,"'

since theft wasn't a capital crime under Roman law'

Huh! That gets filed under my New Fact For The Day.

[brendan120678]

4. You'll have to find someone really good to cast...

as the virgin, or else it will be unbelievable.

Someone with great comedic talent. Maybe you should look toward one of the guys who used to be on Jon Stewart's show, and now is off on his own?

[SidDithers]

5. And then that newly married virgin..

becomes a US Congressperson, is visited by God, and is made to build a giant ark with the help of thousands of woodland creatures.

Sid

[MNDemNY]

6. How about a movie of a steaming pile of shit.

The shit just sits there and stinks. Now there is a movie about religion!

[Boojatta]

7. What creates the steam?

Is it ordinary physics or a special effect?

[MNDemNY]

8. Both...a "internal poo heater" is placed inside the shit pile, causing "natural" steam to rise...

long enough for a five or six camera shoot. The rest can be done in editing. I foresee it as a 3 1/2 - 4 hour epic.

[RoccoR5955]

10. Which Jesus? My former gardener, or my former handyman?

One was around 60 something, but the other was rather young.

[MNDemNY]

12. Alou.

Great outfielder.

[darkstar3]

14. Wasn't that Mo[i]ses? n/t

[MNDemNY]

15. That's his brother , the shortstop. (Really!)

[ORDagnabbit]

11. prove he actually existed and then we can talk about when he "died"

[DeSwiss]

18. I'm not sure, because.....

...no one's ever seen his BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!! Which means if he ever existed at all, then he was probably Kenyan.

But seriously, since there's no proof this guy ever existed (well, outside of accounts coming from those who have a vested interest in this story being taken as the truth to begin with), then that's like asking a Chicago Cubs fan how it feels to win the World Series.

- It just ain't happening baby......



on edit: spelling

[Meshuga]

19. Maybe the movie "The 40 year virgen" was about Jesus

There was a wedding at the end and everything. Just as you described.

[DeSwiss]

20. Thirty-three.....

...than you very much!

[Meshuga]

21. Hey, he was 33 year old rabbi.

So I am sure he got some action. :-)

[onager]

23. Two hours of begging?

:rofl:

Sorry, couldn't resist that oldie.

[DeSwiss]

26. Action? Ohhh..... yeah!

As I recall, his posse got miffed because Mary blew the money on perfume for Jesus.

- They liked him natural, apparently......

[RagAss]

22. 33 1/3

[DeSwiss]

27. LP?

[RagAss]

28. It's all connected ! LOL!

[Boojatta]

30. I would prefer to add this without kicking the thread, but I can't.

Anyway, it's possible that Jesus respected the following rule:

This means that some men should never approach strange women in public. Specifically, if you have truly unusual standards of personal cleanliness, if you are the prophet of your own religion (...)

From:
http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/