I need some advice and I need it quick........

[jhrobbins]

My father passed away on Monday. We had been somewhat estranged - he divorced my Mother a long time ago and married a woman my age. Anyway, as I said, we were somewhat estranged, but not adversarial - we were civil with each other when we spoke on the phone, but rarely saw one another. The funeral is out of town as they lived about 300 miles from me and after this trip, I doubt I will ever see his wife again. My question is - should I bring up the question of a will? He was a man of means and even if he determined not to leave me anything monetarily, he has told me that I am to receive his ring upon his death - it is a 7 carat diamond. SHould I wait or not to broach this subject. I don't want to seem like a ghoul, but I think a subject like this needs to be done in person rather than on the phone.

[Longhorn]

1. Perhaps you could suggest to his widow that you two will need to

talk later and make sure that you exchange contact information if there is any doubt. You could also ask for the name of your father's attorney and/or executor and make sure he or she knows how to contact you. I'm not an attorney or anything so keep that in mind but it does seem like the funeral is not a good time to get into financial matters.

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care and have a safe trip.

[jhrobbins]

11. Thank You!

[rwenos]

2. Ask the Question

It's not unreasonable to ask about a will. Your rights are at stake. And consider hiring an attorney in that state to investigate, write a few letters, etc.

[jhrobbins]

12. Thank You!

[bananas]

3. Why are you asking in the Religion/Theology forum?

A will is a legal document.
You haven't even mentioned what religion your father was,
or what religion his wife is,
or what your religion is.
Why are you asking in the Religion/Theology forum?

[sweetheart]

6. The religion is apparent

The need to obtain material wealth to survive is this persons' religion.

[Mr_Geodesic]

16. Sad.

The need to obtain material wealth to survive is this persons' religion.

You're a bad person.

[jhrobbins]

18. No Mr. Geodesic - she's a 'sweetheart'....

and obviously quite astute as to be able to formulate a person's character from a 50 word post.


Thank you though.

[jhrobbins]

9. I asked in this forum because I wasn't sure where else to post...

However, if you had a moneygrubbing son of a bitch forum, I suppose according to some, I should have posted there. Of course, in a couple of sentences, I have revealed all of the surrouinding circumstances of 30 years, so it must be easy to pass such pronouncements from on high.

[bananas]

17. I wasn't making any judgements

and please accept my condolences, the loss of a father is rarely taken easily, no matter how estranged.
I concur with JDPriestly post #7.

[sweetheart]

21. Its all of our religions

Every one of us scratches up a living like a chicken, and no matter
what we say, that economic activity is the religion on the ground.

It was not a judgement of you, but a comment on life and irony,
that you chose the religion forum to express a very human, very
common condition we all understand.

[Boojatta]

28. "economic activity is the religion on the ground"

In non-criminal law, it seems that money is the usual remedy. For violations of law other than criminal law, many conceivable remedies would be difficult to enforce. Perhaps flogging should be introduced for people who fail to perform, to a standard satisfactory to a court, some action ordered by a court?

[rug]

22. "moneygrubbing son of a bitch forum"!

:rofl:

There must be one at FreeRepublic!

[jhrobbins]

19. I know you weren't and I'm sorry if it seemed that it was directed at you.

[Fridays Child]

4. Don't leave without first getting a copy of his Will and, if possible...

...get the ring. If the ring and whatever else he may have left to you is important to you, be very clear and up front about all of this, when you're there. It will save you a world of problems, later.

[jhrobbins]

10. Thank You!

[T Wolf]

5. You could make a statement sometime during your time there about

contacting her later to talk about "all the legal arrangements" or something non-threatening like that. So not specifically mention the word "will" or "estate" but let her know that there are (as always) legal issues that have to be handled, "though you know that now is not the time."

You can always be more aggressive later. Stick to the high road at first.

Good luck.

[jhrobbins]

13. Thank You!

[JDPriestly]

7. Hire a lawyer. Ask him/her what you should do under the

circumstances. The lawyer can write a letter on your behalf, will know how to find out what is going on and will assist you in asserting your rights if need be. That is what lawyers are for. Don't try to handle this on your own. If your father had assets, hiring a lawyer will probably be worth your while not just financially but also emotionally. Call the bar association in the state or county in which your father lived and get some names of probate or trusts and wills lawyers.

And, yes, there is a spiritual aspect to your question. On the spiritual side, you need the tranquility to focus on your loss and grief. But, you cannot progress spiritually if your material life is in shambles. Hiring a lawyer will free you to focus on the spiritual in the knowledge that you haven't neglected to take care of the material.

[noamnety]

8. That's great advice

I would be pretty upset if my spouse died and some estranged kid came up to me while I was trying to get through what is probably one of the hardest times in a person's life - to say "you know, I'm supposed to get his ring."

Funerals are for grieving. Lawyers are for settling business affairs.

[jhrobbins]

15. Thanks for your post

[jhrobbins]

14. Thank you for considering other aspects of this situation...

My material life is in shambles - I have cancer and lost my job because of it; consequently, my home is in danger of foreclosure and I don't look forward to dealing with treatments if I have no home.

[izzie]

20. Court will get to you if you are in the will. Ring by word?

I would forget it after saying what he told you to his wife. Not all do as the dead one would like. Why I am not sure. It is just life/death I guess. My mother did every thing her husband said she would do and I and my aunt did the same for my mother but we all took a lot of heat for it. Plus it took a lawyer to help us out. And my mother told me just to help my aunt as she , my mother, did not wish to put me into the middle of a family fight.

[cosmik debris]

23. The timing for discussing wills

Is AFTER the funeral. Just a matter of decorum.

[Warren Stupidity]

24. On that we agree.

You do not discuss business at the funeral.

[ganeshji]

25. I'm sorry for your loss.

Without having seen or read your father's will, there is really no way to determine what he did or did not leave to you. It would certainly be tasteless of you to ask at the time of the funeral but it is a good idea to discuss it with her before you leave. This need not be a negative experience for either of you, after all, you both cared for him. Lack of physical proximity or a relationship with limited contact does not diminish this. It sounds like a delicate situation and I wish you the best in dealing with it.

[charles22]

26. Ask.

There may be a will, or a trust. Usually, anyone named should be contacted by executor--that would be a legal obligation.
But since he is your father, not inappropriate to ask what he left for you.

[Finder]

27. Usually a lawyer will contact you...

or even approach you at the funeral. If not, probate usually requires a legal notice to be published in the newspaper.

Give them a chance to bring it up to you first.

[DemBones DemBones]

29. Good luck! I know all too many stories about

fathers' second wives giving nada to the children of the first wife, including keeping family photos and things that the kids had given to their mom or dad. It's usually the second spouse who's moneygrubbing, not the kids.

I hope you'll at least get the ring but be prepared to get nothing, or to have to fight for your share of the estate. As his child, you may have a legal right to a share of his estate but you may also have to get your siblings to agree with you to contest the will if he's left everything to the second wife. As you've already been told, contact a lawyer in the state where he lived and died for advice.

After the funeral, assuming wife #2 isn't weeping hysterically, you might just say, "I don't know whether Dad included me in his will but he did tell me that he wanted me to have his diamond ring" and see what she says. I wouldn't do it immediately after the funeral, of course, though I've seen it done.

I'm sorry for your loss, even though you weren't close to your father. Losing a parent is always sad, even if the relationship wasn't good.